All out

[Frame]

I am all out now
All out of good ideas
or bad ideas

People wish me well
They can not inspire me
They stand by wanting

hoping
praying
judging
straying

I am dis-attached
like the skin from an onion
I don't float
I sink

It gets dark
It gets cold
Hell must be full of garbage trucks
fire engines
relatives like me

There has to be a slot
a niche
a cubicle
a hole
some where with my name on it

I know, I know;
no one is going to hold out a menu for me.

So many with so much less, have so much more.
So many so much better, are so much worse off.

It's makes me want to...
but apparently not enough
not yet.

[Frame]

Where are they?
Where are they?
Where are they?

Apparently there is a name for
an addiction to the compulsive search for meaning.

But is there a use for it?
is there some employment?
or deployment?
or service?
or value...?

George Harrison has a song about wanting his 'wawa' (Rest in peace George).

The Iroquois name for goose is wawa (it's onomatopoeia; "Wa" "Wa").
There is a town in PA named after the Iroquois name for goose.
There is a convenience store chain in PA named after the town named after the Iroquois name for goose.
Wawa makes great hoggys.
I'm going to miss my Wawa.


[I think George was talking about his guitar wawa peddle.]

[Ieris]

There are those who see an island and choose to swim towards it..
Yet there are those who don't see an island but choose to swim anyway to search for something..

There those who see an island but choose to let themselves sink..
Yet there are those who don't see an island, give up without trying and choose to sink to the bottom..

There are those who choose to float trying to find a reason to swim..
Yet there are those who choose to float trying to find a reason to sink..

~

There are many who choose to swim but have no sense of direction so simply follow others, thinking if most people are going that way then it must be "right"? Choose to swim your own path even if it separates you from the main stream. It might be lonely, it might be scary but it will be much more rewarding if you reach your own island rather than being stuck on one which you don't belong to. Please remember you chose to swim that way.

There are those who choose to sink; some give up after swimming and some who don't try at all. They simply drown and join the other lost souls at the bottom of the sea bed. They can't scream, they can't swim back up because they have sealed their fate. Please remember you chose to sink to the bottom.

There are those who choose to float, not making enough effort to swim but just about enough to float. Some people enjoy this and have no intention of going anywhere, simply drifting and see where life takes them.
There are also those who are suffering but don't know what to do, or where they want to go. They have eyes but they do not see, they shut them letting their minds take control. Afraid to move forward yet afraid of going down, paralysed with fear to make any choice. When time runs out, they have lived life having made no choice. Please remember you chose to float and do nothing.

~

Everyone has a choice. Choose wisely.

x

[Frame]

Of course, when we are sure we have nothing left
we can be fairly sure we're gazing in the wrong direction;
That what we have, as much or little (more than we think)
we're just not seeing.

Was it Nitche that said?:
"when we gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into us."

I suppose when we dwell on emptiness, empty is how we feel.
A Zen master will tell you that's progress.
But that doesn't pay the gas bill.

I have to lighten my load,
but what to lay down, what to keep?
I can't (or won't, or don't want) to choose
I want everything to stay where it is; slowly gathering dust
like some movie with a wizard in it.

Of course dust causes lung problems (is that how those wizards die?)
Well it takes a long time any way; those guys are ancient.

Do we bring the things that mean the most (no, no,no too much meaning)
or the puzzles we have yet to finish (too much work)
the things that others value (we should live for our selves)
or things we love (what if we can't find love).





There I go again...

[Frame]

There are also those who are suffering but don't know what to do, or where they want to go. They have eyes but they do not see, they shut them letting their minds take control. Afraid to move forward yet afraid of going down, paralysed with fear to make any choice. When time runs out, they have lived life having made no choice.

I certainly empathize with the fear.
And not to choose is still a choice isn't it?

I think it's possible that everyone makes the choices they believe are the best one's, even if the choice is not making a choice.

I think the trick, the goal, the problem is seeing...seeing choice, knowing real options and sorting out which to choose. Our fear can blind us to possibilities, mine can anyway. I'm having some trouble with my inner vision.

[Frame]

However, because I said I would, here's some outer vision:

http://www.depression-understood.org/gallery/details.php?image_id=2596&mode=search

http://www.depression-understood.org/gallery/details.php?image_id=2597&mode=search

http://www.depression-understood.org/gallery/details.php?image_id=2598&mode=search

http://www.depression-understood.org/gallery/details.php?image_id=2599&mode=search

http://www.depression-understood.org/gallery/details.php?image_id=2600&mode=search

[Ieris]

I certainly empathize with the fear.
And not to choose is still a choice isn't it?

I think it's possible that everyone makes the choices they believe are the best one's, even if the choice is not making a choice.

I think the trick, the goal, the problem is seeing...seeing choice, knowing real options and sorting out which to choose. Our fear can blind us to possibilities, mine can anyway. I'm having some trouble with my inner vision.

To not choose is still a choice. Almost like choosing not to place your bets, that way you won't lose but you also won't win. Living in the grey area, in the middle of up and down, in between stop and go. That may be a perfectly safe place to be, some people are happy and comfortable to be there and to them thats winning. But there are others who are there suffering from their own indecision and inaction. It is fine not to choose between A and B because neither takes their fancy but the people I truly admire are those who create their own options like C and D etc.

When we are in fear we tend to avoid things and miss out on a lot of opportunities. If you want to get to where you want to be, you have to conquer that fear. Sometimes you have to go through darkness to get to the light.

[fallen]

cool photographs , i love parks and the woodland and misty foggy scenes.
sometimes the sea fog comes into sydney and engulfs pretty much the whole harbour, all you can see is the sydney harbour bridge floating on a cloud of fog.
take care

[Frame]

Thanks fallen;

Goes to show; routine makes a difference.
With all the thinks I've worked so hard for crumbling to the ground,
I forced myself out of bed and stood around in the freezing cold,
not because I expected anything necessarily,
but because each day we have to get up,
opportunity must be seized.

Makes me miserable just to read myself write such righteous babble. I'm lying in bed right now and what's inside me tells me I'm full of beans. The world is the last thing I want to get up and face. But there is the proof isn't it. Routine makes a difference. There is always someone else to let down, someone else to please; because I just can't seem to please me. So I'll just have to trudge on.

I need new socks.




and pie.

[Frame]

I'm sorry I'm so sad.

[fallen]

i am sorry you are sad, but at least you are talented, creative , intelligent and kind.
that is not a bad start ! i really do hope you have a better day.
take care