Homeless shelter (Triggering Material)

[CrazyLady17]

So today was my first day volunteering a the women's homeless shelter, and it actually went better than it thought it was going to be. All the volunteers are lovely and the homeless people are so lovely and I feel so sorry for them
Makes me think how lucky I am to have a roof overt head to be honest.

But then all of a sudden BOOM!! My mood dropped!!
I went from being "okay ish", to feeling so low and crying my eyes out to one of the volunteers. I ended up going to the restroom and self harming, and then had to once again have stitches.
Also while at the shelter I has a panic attack and don't know why.

Is keeping busy suppose to be this draining?

[Frame]

Yeay Lady! This is progress.

Take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

Determine to make each day better than the last.

I'm proud of you.

[CrazyLady17]

I know!!
That's go party okay? Woo
Actually so happy and so proud of myself of sticking with it and not giving up!l straight away!

Aww thank you, means a lot to me.
Well... It's all down to you at the end of it Frame- as you've helped me a lot and you've helped me get to where I am today and I actually mean that! So thank you so so much!

I will try, but it's easier said than done... Right?

[CrazyLady17]

Back to the homeless shelter tomorrow from 11am! Woo!! Can't wait to go back and help all them homeless women.
But I still have bad thoughts while I'm keeping myself busy... Is that suppose to happen or not?

[4EverMe]

Hello,
Yeah, you're human and you're going to feel the variety of emotions. But you're doing something great. This should help you feel better.

To be honest with you, I'm one of those ladies who used to be homeless. It's a very difficult situation to endure. (though I made it through it)! It was the assuring and kind words of various volunteers, and the kindness and humor of others who fell down on their luck that helped 'carry' me. I'll never forget those days, and all I went through. Do you know which volunteers help homeless people the most? They are the ones who listen without judgment, and who did not look down on us. They treated us as their equals. They knew that they could be but one paycheck away from homelessness themselves. Homeless people relate most to others who are roughing it, because there's sort of a camaraderie there.

Keep up the good work! We're all backing you, here.

[CrazyLady17]

Hello there,
Aww thank you. Yes I guess you are right on that one. Aww thank you, that made me smile .
Oh good phew! Aha. But why do I still feel so suicidal and depressed though? I mean I am trying my hardest to stay strong, focused and keep myself busy, but it doesn't always work like that... Does it? I mean it's easier said than done, right?

Aww bless you! I never knew that- so sorry to hear that . Hope you're okay and living somewhere now though?
Thank you.

This is day two; at the homeless shelter today. Really hoping today goes a little better than yesterday and I don't end up self harming or crying....
Really do hope I don't fail today.
Today is the day the volunteers bring food in for them. I feel so scared and feel quite low today, scared I'll fail

[CrazyLady17]

So so so scared about going back to the shelter today.....
I have these voices in my head telling me to quit and stop going and just to give up!!

What should I do?
Help someone

[CrazyLady17]

Second day of being at the homeless shelter volunteering... Well today was such a horrible distater, got sent home early as I was in tears all morning. Fed up of this now, I am on the edge of quiting and on the edge of quiting on my life too!!

Anybody got any ideas on how I can relax myself a little?

[Frame]

First things first Lady; that was day two and still counting. You are doing something amazing, no matter how horrible it might feel.

One way to relax is to realize you did, you got through. Sure your home early, but you made it back a second day and that is a triumph. Some people never go back. This is a new chapter in your life and you can do it. And it is good.

Another way is to realize that those people you were helping still need you. Set your mind to taking the time you have, now, to rest so you can better help them tomorrow. Don't think so much about yourself and your troubles today. Think about getting ready to make tomorrow better, for everyone.

Your doing much better than a week ago. Growth and progress is hard work. We don't often seen how far we've come when we are in the middle of the struggle.

[CrazyLady17]

Yes that was day two, ergh it's so draining and so emotional but at the same time it's so rewarding I suppose!
Aww thank you Frame; you always know what to say don't you? Aha. Thank you again and again.

Ah thank you. I will try you're suggestions and will hope they work and hope I relax and I do realise all that anyway!
I am going back tomorrow and hopefully I will stay a full day and not be sent home, I do feel a little bad though for coming home early. But I suppose my health is as much as important as theirs... Right?

I will try and go back to the shelter tomorrow- but I can't promise I will go ahead and stay. I'm sorry. I don't want to disappoint you or anyone else.

Thank you.
Yes I guess I have come a long way in the las week or so....

[CrazyLady17]

Don't think I can go back to the homeless shelter tomorrow and to be honest don't think I can go back ever again..... I just feel so anxious and feel like I am failing and it's only been two days. My brain and these voices are telling me to quit before things get out of hand and control, but if I quit that means I've failed and I am a failure... Right?
I don't want to quit- but at the same time I feel like volunteering and keeping busy is only making my mood swings and depression a lot more difficult to cope with.

Is that suppose to happen?

[Frame]

What do think will happen?
If you get yourself ready, and go there, and ask what you can do to help; what do you think will happen?

Visualize for your self how are you going to think, to feel? Nothing is right or wrong; what do you see getting out of control?

You haven't told me what they had you do. How did helping make you feel? You said the people were nice. What part is harder than sitting in your room with nothing to do but everything to think?

I'm not trying to push you, but I'm trying to understand what is triggering you. Maybe sharing will help diffuse some of the emotion.

[CrazyLady17]

I will have a panic attack(like today) and have a mental breakdown; that's what I think may happen?....

I do ask what to do when I get there.... But yes I understand what you're saying here though Frame.

I suppose it's better than sitting in my room all day feeling sorry for myself and thinking about everything...
Yes they are very nice people(both volunteers and homeless women). They have made me do some nice activities with them ie; craft things and board games.
Gave them gifts, and some food. And also got to know some of them an having a one-one chat with some of the homeless and along them communicate more.

I know you're not pushing me Frame, so don't worry about that!
But just don't feel if I am ready to start more and more volunteering yet. Does that make sense?

[CrazyLady17]

I'm scared to go back tomorrow ah... I'm scared I'll fail, I just went to quit while I can... Does that make me a failure? I guess it does.
Oh dear.
What should I do?

[CrazyLady17]

Day three; at the homeless shelter oh dear me.
Lets hope today is much more better than yesterday and the day before aye? I do feel rather poorly today and do feel rather low and rather depressed today and feel like I am just going to bury into tears at any moment. Feel to my lowest of this week actually!

Will going to the shelter even help with the way I'm feeling today?