A Frozen Moment

[Frame]

"I don't have many people in my photographs, especially the landscapes. To explain this, you see, it takes me a while to prepare everything. Sometimes people are there, but before I am ready they go away, so what can I do, I won't chase them back." Josef Sudek

I read this quote this morning and it seemed a good metaphor for my life. I wondered if it resonates at all with others. The are people who feel (and times I feel) like we need to be the architects of every aspect, every of moment our lives. But really, our core dictates most aspects of our reality and struggling against the bits and pieces we don't like is likely to drag us away from the core of what gives meaning to our existence. Chasing relationships takes a great deal of time. I think many successful people acquire the courage to be lonely and move on.

Not that this makes life any easier.
It was just a thought.

[no_answer]

Good thought... Some of us are into portraits (those who do chase relationships), while others into landscapes (like myself), yet there are those who can do (and/or needy for) both, while i guess some may be into neither or into totally different things altogether.
What I found was how overwhelmingly heart-warming (and addictive even) it is to get a human being into my lonely landscape....and how devastating to lose them, even though there was no intention to have anyone in the perfectly good landscape in the first place.

[Frame]

It occurs to me just now that it's not being alone that makes me lonely. I seem to do pretty well on my own, even if I often desire to share joy with someone. Since I am so often not joyous, I am also generally OK being alone.

What makes me lonely is to be ignored by people whom I have done my very best to Love. What truly hurts, is to give all I can to the people I care about, only to find them indifferent or even scornful; to have them accept what I have to give, yet judge it unworthy of any time, gratitude, or effort on their part.

What pushes me away, what makes me seek peace and solus in emptiness, is to find that people close to me don't really want to be close to me. I guess it's because I don't care about the things they care about. I don't know why. I want to. And I care about them, perhaps just not the way they need. I wish I did.

But I give people credit for caring in their own way. I deserve credit too. Stressful times, Hiolidays.

[saragupta]

Frame u said, "I guess it's because I don't care about the things they care about. I don't know why. I want to. And I care about them, perhaps just not the way they need. I wish I did. "

I think i know WHY! U said
"i want to.....i wish i did"
I am sure that u WANT to care about things just The Way They Need.
All credit goes to our heart and subconscious mind.
I think u have not been able to do it "their way" because ur subconscious mind still has all the records of past experiences. Records...which say that in the past whenever u had cared for others, u never get anything in return.
I don't believe in the thought (that u often find in spiritual or romantic novels) that we should give love to others without expecting anything in return. Please! Love and care needs to be reciprocated.
And this myt be one of the many reasons that is leading u to have less interest in their stuff.

Frame, i have read ur posts on others' forums. U do care, u do guide, u ask people to elaborate their problems so that u can help them or just listen them to make them feel light. If this doesn't define ur range of caring nature then i don't know how to define it.

I totally understand that feeling. When i used to live among these kind of people, It ws not that difficult for me to judge their fake hello s and fake smiles and then they used to make me feel like my presence is almost equal to my absence...like i was a soul to them...unheard and unseen. But when they needed me (obviously after trying every thing else) they used to approach me with a warm hug and eyes full of made-up-love. 
I was understanding everything but still i always helped them...may be i was living a false hope of gradually winning their True friendship & love.
But...my hopes always ended being hopeless!
That was me....at some point in the past.
But now, i think that May be i (silently...unknowingly) had given some sort of undue authority to everyone...to judge me...to label me pass or fail...to give me marks according to my care (they always gave me 3 out of 10...just saying metaphorically)...that too when they themselves never cared to put in any effort.

For me, relationship, whether between girl friend-boy friend or between two colleagues or between father and daughter...grows and get nurtured only when both the parties put in equal and genuine efforts (not just to spare themselves from guilt) in a relationship.

So u shld not feel bad about urself.

I myt have seen ur scenario from my angel or perspective...m sorry if it is so. Plz correct me frankly if it is so.

[no_answer]

Frame, I totally relate to this lack of reciprocity on part of others. I do rarely put my own time and effort to a cause outside of my own interest, but get left with a feeling of not receiving the debt with all the accrued interest by the due date I set in my mind.
Financially, I've been in a two or three situations where as a lender I had to wait for my debtor to return his debt. Not that I needed that repayment, but I needed validation of my very unnatural to me generosity. It was an ordeal for me to wait for repayment and not to know if it is coming, or was I just used like a sack loaded with money.
So, I resolved not to extend myself toward others, not lend when someone is in need, not even expand extra time and effort to comfort them if there is no expectation of immediate repayment. Also, I don't make them wait if I was the target of some random generosity. I repay immediately lest I stay their debtor and allow the possibility of them waiting in humiliation for a repayment, or, worse, expecting to have the favor returned with a huge unspecified interest.
I know it is a pathetic way to interact, but I've been having more problems than success in a few rare attempts to break this positive feedback loop that I'm In.