Does anyone know...

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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4EverMe
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Does anyone know...

Postby 4EverMe » Thu Sep 19, 2013 7:30 am

Does anyone know what it's called when there's a fear (for lack of a better word) of getting in the shower? It's not a phobia in the sense of watching a scary movie, that is then followed by panic. It's more like a subconscious wall that feels almost impossible to scale over.
It didn't happen over night, and is progressively getting worse. Needless to say, this does not help improve my self-worth. (just the opposite) I realize there is nothing logical about this, but I can't help what I feel.
This is something I really want and need to change. Problem is, I have no clue how. It's truly embarrassing, although I'm good at hiding this...

4EverMe
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Postby 4EverMe » Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:14 am

I made it...and am on my way to court. Got about three hrs sleep last night and didn't get a good coffee fix this morning. I didn't feel like a shower!

Frame
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Postby Frame » Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:30 pm

I was thinking of three things: claustraphobia (any problem with closets?), auquaphobia (are you getting your dishes washed?), or fear of whatever happens after a shower (for instance going outside or perhaps to a trial).

4EverMe
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Postby 4EverMe » Thu Sep 19, 2013 4:22 pm

Interesting...Yes, I do have minimal claustrophobia--Therefore, I own a clear shower curtain. Haha. And you made me laugh with your last sentence! Speaking of court? Whew, so glad this is almost all over with. Frame, you are one who totally gets that I've eating, sleeping and crapping this whole court dilemma...and for reasons that were numerous. My God, the other night and prior to the day my lawyer called, I got to the point where I stood here, hung my head and cried like a baby. During this weeping spell, I prayed with what felt like a wounded and shattered heart/spirit. It's sometimes happened where the pain was so raw inside that I actually felt it course up and down my arms; This was one of those times...one of those when I might as well be carrying the sorrows of the world within. But did I pray!
One of the things you mentioned is that showering might remind me of leaving home. Thank you for this feedback, Frame. Amongst a host of other reasons I've considered, that was something I've never contemplated on. Makes sense that the issues I have may be intertwined somehow. I was pretty embarrassed about posting on this subject. Now, I'm grateful I took the risk, and allowed my pride to fall by the wayside! You may be onto something here.
BTW, I LOVE Crosby, Stills and Nash! England Dan & John Ford Coley are good too. The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Bread, Dan Fogelberg, Simon & Garfunkel, The Stones, etc etc.
Guess I've allowed myself to go off on a tangent. And by no means am I thru; I'm on a roll here. So...back on the subject of showering. I'll share some additional ideas after I recharge my phone!

SMcGregor
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Postby SMcGregor » Tue Oct 01, 2013 8:44 am

Fear is the negative effect of imagination and can occur spontaneously, and against our will. We can all experience different fears in many different ways, yet there is a common factor behind most of our fears – the way they are formed. Fears can be resolved.

Three skills must be learnt to overcome fear:

Firstly, a method of releasing or handling the subconscious “hurt memories” which have been stored.
Secondly, developing self-confidence to deal with the actual situation which triggers the fear.
Thirdly, developing new responses to express the emotions that are felt when the situation recurs.

4EverMe
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Postby 4EverMe » Thu Oct 17, 2013 9:22 pm

Hi SMcGregor,
I appreciate your positive feedback on conquering fear. And believe it or not, I do practice a variety of self-help remedies for fear and and overwhelming anxiety.
For years, I've been engaged in these practices. They certainly don't diminish overnight. I can also attest to the fact that fear, when combined with anxiety that has its deep-seated roots in the subconscious, is all the more difficult to diffuse.
For a while now, when I notice ANY negative thought rising to the surface, I make a conscious effort to eradicate it, by replacing it with thoughts that produce a calming affect.
However, I also realize that fear (or whatever we wish to label it), is also a survival mechanism naturally ingrained within us. Without some semblance of a 'cautious fear,' humanity would be a dying breed, to put it mildly! Fear that borders on paranoia is another story, in and of itself.
In my opinion, there's a natural fear that's healthy and necessary. When it encroaches upon our ability to function in life, though, its snowball effect can/will be devastating--causing undue panic that wreaks havoc on our imagination...an ever increasing delusion of doom. Every shadow becomes ominous. Every smile becomes suspicious. Each newly found friend is a dark, evil specter ready to pounce when we're at our most vulnerable. Even strangers we pass on the street are involved in some evil conspiracy to flip our worlds upside down. Everyone and their dogs...secretly watching, with fangs bared. Alien motherships transmitting radio waves into our brains!
Yeah, I've conversed with people who have believed these kinds of things. It's disheartening to know there are people who suffer this kind of hell!
It is easy for us to dismiss their fear, because we realize it's rooted in delusion. Nonetheless, to those whose existence is spent in this state of mind, it is all too real to them...

4EverMe
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Postby 4EverMe » Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:05 pm

Hi Frame,
There was a question you asked, in a response of yours above. (about doing the dishes)
I have absolutely no issues, when it comes to washing my dishes, or articles of clothing, etc.
Usually, showering and getting ready are things a person does before leaving the house. Maybe this is imprinted upon my subconscious, and therefore, something that should be calming has the opposite affect with me.
My ex may have contributed to this problem as well..He was jealous, to the point of paranoia. There were times when I'd get out of the shower, just to immediately be walking on eggshells. I would be hit with a barrage of crazy questions--him asking why certain things were out of place in the bedroom from where he'd seen them last. His implied accusations that I was cheating on him, his angry, threatening voice...Arguments would ensue, resulting in my telling him to leave. Even me deciding to shower at a time that might vary each day? This was even cause for suspicion in his mind!

I really couldn't win. After making him leave my place, I knew this would be a cause for him to further grill me later. So not only did I jump in the shower at a time he perceived as odd, but then he was made to leave. (which he would use against me)! He would be yelling things like who did I have over, after I'd made him leave? It was like a nightmare I couldn't escape from. He could take a normal occurrence and turn it into a horribly stressful fight. My panic disorder worsened greatly at this time.

Frame
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Postby Frame » Fri Oct 18, 2013 8:09 am

That surely makes plenty of sense 4Ever. So if we try to employ the three steps McGregor speaks of:

The first step is to release the hurt memoires. (The argument I have here [and it's a petty one] is where they are stored) I think these memories are readily accessible but it takes moments of calm and courage to look at them. When we are going about our normal stressful day, these hurtful memories popping up can derail us. So we push them down. You've taken the first step and that's wonderful. I don't think we can make too much of your accomplishment (read that; you should celebrate). It is hard work to put yourself in a position of safety, as you did with your move, and then have the will to look at these dark feelings. But that's what it takes to get past them. So this is fantastic.

Then, his second step would be to develop a conscious plan, an understanding and acceptance. For instance; if you are certain your ex will never be back in your life you can spend some calm time reminding yourself of this and, when the situation arises in the shower, bring those thoughts to mind. But let's say, for what ever reason, you can't be sure the scene with your ex won't happen again. If you feel it's due to your needs or a perceived weakness you can still forgive yourself in advance. You can accept that, that is the future and it hasn't happened yet. It might never happen.

In any case, this is now. Your in a better place and once again you can, in a calm moment call to mind the positive things that have happened, are happening in your life now. It's important to dwell on them in a peaceful moment. Once again, in stressful times remember what is now and that those dark things are fear of a future that doesn't have to, my never, happen.

Actually, I guess the last two are are merger of McGregor's second and third steps.

By the way these practices are all part of ancient meditation practices and there are millions of pages detailing how to do this in minute detail. Your library, book store, all over the web; seek and yea shall find. They have been developed to allow aesthetics to develop higher wisdom. And they are perfectly suited to help anyone develop higher wisdom. The reason they are not more popular in the West is, I believe, because our lives are too crowded with the "pursuit of happiness", they take time, and commitment. Wisdom in the west, is less valued than bling.

But your on your way 4ever. Kudos.

4EverMe
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Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:35 am

Aww. Thank you, Frame.
There were things that you said that meant a lot to me.

Off-and-on, but always when I'm in a calmer state of mind, I'll reflect on the various possibilities that might be contributing to this strange dilemma.
I'd even considered laziness. However, I was able to dismiss this idea, due to the fact that I can be busy throughout the day on various household projects/work. Basically, ideas float through my head. I consider them, and either rule them out or vice versa. It's so important, during moments of self-introspection, to be brutally honest with one's self! It's the only way, because the deeper we dig, the more likely we are to arrive at our core issues. Honesty, with ourselves, is essential for growth and healing; An inaccurate self-analysis will only result in chaos, because the way we choose to deal with the problem will be based on that false analysis! Change is difficult enough, in and of itself.


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