Hiding behind a smile

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 1:27 pm
Location: Scotland

Hiding behind a smile

Postby RedTeardrops » Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

When i'm at school people say i'm always happy and i'm always smiling, but as soon as i get home i let all of my emotions show, i run up to my room and close the door, then i sit there and cry my eyes out. I self harm, then suddenly i regret it. Because i don't want my mum to see my scars. I feel angry with myself, even if things aren't my fault. I always feel upset, and feel the need to cry. I don't know if it's because i'm missing my ex-bestfriends, or if i'm still hurt from how they treated me? It might just be my age, 15. I mean, your emotions are so confusing when you're a teenager, i can't cope. I also have these suicidal thoughts. I keep wishing i was dead. And i keep planning my suicide before i go to sleep at night, it scares me at times.

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Postby Alaska1958 » Tue Jul 23, 2013 10:36 am

Hello. You mentioned always being smiling and happy at school. I understand many of us hide behind a mask, but I wonder if that is a mask for you or are you actually happier when you are with a group? When most of us are depressed we tend to hide away by ourselves. Unfortunately that tends to make things worse. I know how easy it is for me to stay at home in bed for days at a time.

It would help if you could find someone in your area that you could talk to. When I was your age I was calling a local crisis line. It really helped to be able to talk to. Also they might be able to recommend resources you could avail yourself of.

The Suicidal ideation (where you find yourself frequently thinking about suicide) and the self harm are serious issues and it's probably a good idea to seek out some therapy. Anything you can do to get yourself out and involved in some positive activities will be helpful.

Please take care and remember as you can see from posts on this website, you are not alone. You can always come back here and find someone who can relate and lend you a shoulder to lean on.

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Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Mon Aug 19, 2013 7:09 pm

I recall how much emotions fluctuated as a teen. The social pressures in school didn't help matters neither! Friends, boyfriends, some bullies,... always moving to new schools and having to start over again. Do you have a loving, supportive family? It's good you do have friends. I remember kids at school who didn't seem to have anyone to talk to or hang out with. Sadly, these were the ones who were often bullied the most.

Alaska brought up a great idea. (the crisis line) It truly IS helpful, and you don't have to be suicidal when you call in order to have someone to talk to. If I'd been more aware of this option years ago, I would have taken advantage of what it had to offer. Only in the recent year have I made adequate use of it! I wish you the best, and am glad you found this site. Take care of yourself, and don't forget to eat your vegetables. :)

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On-line Help Sights

Postby SMcGregor » Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:00 am

Death, suicide and the “eternal” can entail trauma, grief and loss and I think that my own experiential feelings on this are best described**


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