scared

[shelleylancs]

i feel really scared at the moment i thought i had my depression and anxiety under control well to a degree the anxiety was more of a problem in recent years but the past few weeks i have seemed to sink really fast i don't understand why i've been quite ill and i have exams and i do put a lot of pressure on myself but i am finding myself wanting to turn to drugs after being clean for two years now having strong impulse to self harm being frightened to leave my flat which means i am not even getting in to uni at the moment i don't know what i would even do without my mum's support and then i feel pathetic and worthless for needing her help in my thirties everything just seems so dark and hopeless and i don't understand where this has come from and also i cut off from my friends cos i just feel i'm gona bum them out

[Silver]

Hello shelleylancs. I'm glad you chose to reach out to someone and express your concerns over your sudden change in mood. Depression seems to hit us hard at crucial points in our life, or in situations which we are particularly prone. I am also in university, so I recently had to prepare for exams as well. It's tough... Especially when you've got other distractions, such as drugs, passing through your mind. I can't say I know exactly where you're coming from as I've never picked up drugs, but I have had a few close friends use in the past. They always seemed happiest when they were clean, since the drugs only give a very temporary break. I strongly urge you to avoid drugs as they may bring in more problems along with the short, good feelings. If you need emergency help, such as if you're in the moment of deciding whether or not to use, you might be able to find a hotline in your area in which to call someone. My university provides a wellness line which we can use for any health related mean, and drugs are no exception. The hotline has helped me in the past to fight off suicidal thoughts, so I recommend taking the time to call if you can.

As for asking for help, I know exactly what you mean. I'm always afraid to speak up for fear of being a burden on someone else. But I never regret reaching out once I feel the results, especially if the other is happy to help. If you feel your mother can help, I encourage you to ask her; there's no shame at all in reaching out. In fact, I see it as commendable, and in the end, you're likely to be better off. If you prefer not to talk with a family member, perhaps a close friend is a good substitute?

I hope my words have helped in some way, and I wish you all the best.