Depression Understood Forums

Hi, am a single mom of 2 kids..and have been struggling eversince ...life is hard and it doesnt seem to get anybetter.. my ex aint bother to care abt the kids and I am left on my own to support them... my family are just to busy with their own personal pblrm and couldnot care much abt my life. Here i am in this big city...all alone..with no family & frends..raising my kids on my own with no one to turn to. I have a long distance relationship with my bf of so many years, but am giving up on this too..i do think he cares about me & kids but he is having pblrm with his own financial situation and feel insecure to commit to our relationship and we hardly met as he lives very far away. so again, i am left alone to sort out my own life problem..tried to meet new friends but feels very uncomfotable as I just could not force myself to trust people..have been hurt many times before.. My life is hard, with no one giving me moral support and my financial situation is very bad..am stuck in huge debts and my wage is hardly enough to fend for my children and yet no one seems to care.. have tried many ways to help myself even join the debt management progamme..tried doing part time jobs but is not much help as what i earn is way below than what i have cover everymonth. It hurts to see my kids have to go through the hardtimes as well as i cant afford to do any better for them...watching them go to school with old torn shoes breaks my heart but we have no choice. My depression got worst when i had to go for an abortion 2 years back as my bf is still unemployed and just not ready for commitment eventhough he seems to care abt us.. since then i developed OCD and have not been able to stop till today..my hip length hair is now bald as i started to develop a habit of cutting it everytime i feel depressed...and it goes on and on for hours sometimes..i know it will not help me feel better but i just couldn't make it stop! peopld look at me weirdly as my hair is almost bald..and i feel ugly and shy away from people because of this..my life just stops there and i have no self confidence at all now... the only thing that keeps me going is because my kids do not have anyone else to care for them if i am gone...i am still struggling to live and support my kdis till today. My depression is getting worst these few days...last 2 night it got so bad that i was thinking of suicide..had to fight the thought hard . i have not been able to sleep at night now as i keep getting anxiety attack at night that i had to rely on sleeping pills to calm me down ...i worry that 1 day i just could not take it anymore and really kill my self... pls someone help...i just couldn't take this preasure anymore....

There is a program called "mothers day out". It's provided for local communitites by local churches in every state in the usa. You don't have to be a member of the church or even religious to take advantage of this program. It gives you a day off. A little relief to just sit down and breathe. I think it's worth checking into hon. And please remember, you are never alone. We are here. We are with you every step of the way. If things get too overwhelming, we have a chat room here where you can get immediately support.

Please try not to get to the point that your going to end your life because you gonna think about your kids and whose going to care for them if you do it. I know your having a very difficult life but please try to look on the brighter side. This is maybe a challenge for you, so that you can do better for your life. Please try not to harm your self....