Depression Understood Forums

I had depression all the way through uni.

Then when I got better, just before graduation, I found myself unemployed for over a year, having to take money off my parents, who are very poor, to stay where I wanted to be in London, where the jobs are and my boyfriend of four years is. I felt really selfish doing this and I hated myself for it.

I got a job but now my boss is basically saying that I have to be gone by June and in the meantime I could be asked to leave with six weeks notice if he finds the perfect candidate to replace me before then.

I feel like every time I get better something awful happens to me and I just get ill again. I don't think I can cope with going to the job centre again. They are awful and rude and treat you like dirt and the benefits system is horrible - the last time I was on benefits they made a mistake (honestly, I did nothing wrong) and I was without any income for nearly two months.

Plus my bank balance won't stand being on benefits again without help from my mum, who is losing her job probably.

I feel uncertain that I will even find a job before June even with starting to look now, and there is no way I will find one given six weeks notice. I started applying for jobs in March 2009 and didn't get one until April 2010.

So basically I am pretty certain that even if things do get better they will get shit again. That they won't get better for a long time. That I will lose my boyfriend because when I am depressed I am mean and bad temperered and not worth loving.

People keep saying look at the positives. But there aren't any really. Okay I have a boyfriend, but I am making him sad. Okay, my mum and dad want to help me. But they are in no position to do so and I know for a fact taking money off them will be making things ten times harder for them.

If life is like this when you are an adult I don't want anything to do with it.

Basically I cannot see anything in my life that is worth living for. And I am beginning to think that this isn't just depression but just fact. Blah blah blah there are people in Africa worse off I know. But my life is just awful.

If I have to move back in with my parents I will never see my boyfriend. I have no friends in my hometown as I was very badly bullied there. There are no jobs there apart from in cafes, and even those are scarce. Nowhere would pay me enough to save up about £2000 which is what I estimate to move to london without a job.

If I leave here I will never come back and end up pissing my supermarket wages away until I die. (there is nothing wrong with working in a supermarket? yeah right. How fulfilling).


I have been looking for a way out of this situation for about a week. And I've tried to be positive. And I've not found one. So you know what? Maybe there isn't one.

Hi visionsofjohanna,

Welcome to the forums, there are many people here that are supportive, so please keep posting.

There is a chat-room connected with this site. Many chatters in there, from all of the world. Several from England, that I do know. Sometimes talking with someone from your own area helps. Might consider giving the room a try, if you are comfortable doing that.

Hope to see you posting again.

Warmie

Depression is one of the most difficult thing that will happen to a person because it progress in some ways.

Some depression is healthy but some of it can cause abnormality to the person.