i came down stairs at 5am this morning to take some tablets for the pain
its that bad now i have trouble walking ,,hiding it obviously is even harder
so i took the tablets and lay down on the settee we have i the kitchen
i could see thru the window ,and i stared out and prayed to my god ,to help me get better ,,i said this is not for myself but for fran ,i told my god i will happily pay what ever price i must for my sin s ,but it must allow me to live for frans sake ,recently the doctor told me fran could be on oxygen in as little time as ten years ,,and what lies beyond that i didnt want to know ,,,this trouble i have now is from the exesses,of my youth ,
you see it does get you in the end ,,,this thing bleeds and grows and has become very angry ,,ive never been frightend of dying but this does give me that fear ,,ive been a good man since we met and got married ,,i would have thought i would have earned a few goodie pionts ,,but many times i have prayed to my god ,,and who is my god ,,well life itself ,,
the air we breathe ..the rains that falls the sun and the gentle breeze that blows around us ,,,and i think when we die ,we become these things ,,our souls fill the air ,,the rain is our tears of happiness or despair ,,,the sun is the warmth of our bodies and the smiles on our faces ,,,and the breeze is the touch of our love as we blow gently around our loved one s,, thats why people often say they can feel a loved ones presance ,because we become those things around them,,,,,but pray as i do ,we never get any breaks ,,but like this fight with the visitor i must not give up that prayer ,for at times like this i fear i will be taken without warning ,,and my lovely fran would be lost here without me ,,,please my god here my crys ,and show yourself to me ,,i see you everyday ,,i save birds lost in flight ,,i take frogs back to water ,and i take spiders from the path of danger, I pray for the lost soldiers ,and the poor victims of disasters,yet you seem to abandon me, Will you not carry me to safety ..as i do these small creatures and carry me in your thoughts as i do these poor victims of war ,and life ,Am i not worthy of even that,,,I stand before you now at
these crossroads in my life ,and i dont know were to turn ,,
You must save me our strike me down ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ken
MY GOD WONT HELP ME
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Your god will help you. That's what I believe. (Our gods are similar.)
It helps you every time you're out in the garden and when you burn that candle for all of us--yourself included. It's come to comfort you through your polecats. It was there when you carved the pumpkin.
Don't worry; it's there. Don't give up your hope or any thing that's precious to you! Depression and illness have already taken enough! You don't have to give any thing up at all! Hang on to it, all the more during the tough times! If it's an ulcer, I believe ulcers are curable--not treatable but curable!
Whatever it is, you must try to remain calm. If you must take moments out of your day to breathe deeply, do so. That's what I do, since I get headaches now & then, almost any I think. I tend to tense my face unconsciously & I am trying to correct that now. The seizure put me here, but there is a counter for it.
Try not to stress yourself out ok? I'm telling you this as 1 worrywart to another. (Yes, you are a worrywart...) It will take some work but you will have to relax. Whatever it is, roll with it. Post if you need help or ideas; we will help!
How about some positive affirmations as a counter for when you get distressed? (That's 1 way I try to beat it.) (My god has not abandoned me; it is there and I will believe. Things will get better. I know it to be so. I will throw my worry to wind & I will let it go. It's got my back.)
Something... ya? You don't actually have to battle, to exert energy. You can just stand still as you are doing. Most of all, whenever you are at a crossroads, you don't have to take the left fork or the right fork. You can go... well... straight ahead in front of you.
Take care, my friend!
It helps you every time you're out in the garden and when you burn that candle for all of us--yourself included. It's come to comfort you through your polecats. It was there when you carved the pumpkin.
Don't worry; it's there. Don't give up your hope or any thing that's precious to you! Depression and illness have already taken enough! You don't have to give any thing up at all! Hang on to it, all the more during the tough times! If it's an ulcer, I believe ulcers are curable--not treatable but curable!
Whatever it is, you must try to remain calm. If you must take moments out of your day to breathe deeply, do so. That's what I do, since I get headaches now & then, almost any I think. I tend to tense my face unconsciously & I am trying to correct that now. The seizure put me here, but there is a counter for it.
Try not to stress yourself out ok? I'm telling you this as 1 worrywart to another. (Yes, you are a worrywart...) It will take some work but you will have to relax. Whatever it is, roll with it. Post if you need help or ideas; we will help!
How about some positive affirmations as a counter for when you get distressed? (That's 1 way I try to beat it.) (My god has not abandoned me; it is there and I will believe. Things will get better. I know it to be so. I will throw my worry to wind & I will let it go. It's got my back.)
Something... ya? You don't actually have to battle, to exert energy. You can just stand still as you are doing. Most of all, whenever you are at a crossroads, you don't have to take the left fork or the right fork. You can go... well... straight ahead in front of you.
Take care, my friend!
oooohhhhh,,,onika
ohhhhhhh (((((ONIKA))))),,YOU REMEMBERED THE PUMKIN ,,WASNT THAT FUN LOL,,,ill make sure we have laughs again this year ,,,,,,
i feel loads better today ,,ive been stood up in the shop all day ,,and the pain has eased ,,,im feeling better but it was very frightening so much pain ,,your right (((((onika)))),,ive got peptic ulscers ,,and a hiatus hernia
very nasty ,,but i dont normally talk about them ,,ive been abuseing my bodie again but i promise i will behave now ,,this was a warning ,,i could damage my stomach lining ,,,,worse than it is now ,,thanks for being so careing ,,,i cant help being a rebel ,,,its the way i am ,,,lol still that punk rocker ,,,,ok i hope you have been ok ,,look after yourself onika ,,,,,,,,
our you end up like this silly old bugger lol,,,see you later ,hugs love ken
(((onika )))xxx
i feel loads better today ,,ive been stood up in the shop all day ,,and the pain has eased ,,,im feeling better but it was very frightening so much pain ,,your right (((((onika)))),,ive got peptic ulscers ,,and a hiatus hernia
very nasty ,,but i dont normally talk about them ,,ive been abuseing my bodie again but i promise i will behave now ,,this was a warning ,,i could damage my stomach lining ,,,,worse than it is now ,,thanks for being so careing ,,,i cant help being a rebel ,,,its the way i am ,,,lol still that punk rocker ,,,,ok i hope you have been ok ,,look after yourself onika ,,,,,,,,
our you end up like this silly old bugger lol,,,see you later ,hugs love ken
(((onika )))xxx
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
hope your feeling a little more chipper ,,,love ken ,,hugs (((((onika)))))xxxxWho is online
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