Page 1 of 2

We are the same

Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 9:20 am
by scm9988
I am new here every 1 , and we r all the same, we r sick. Needless to say, loneliness, sadness, anger, helpless r all within us, seems like an inescapable journey for us. I have been depressed for six year and I see very little improvement of myself although I have been trying so hard to get myself recover. I do refer to psychiatrist.
Things became more severe when I fell in love with a girl. As we know, we feel empty and lonely most of the time, regardless whether there is anything trigger us to feel so, of course we feel worse when something bad trigger our brain. I did rely on this gal so much after we started our relationship, because this is the only way I feel less lonely. But it just seems like girls nowadays don't stick to their bf so much, they like their private time. That made me very frustrated because she didn't seem supporting me when I needed her, especially I was depressed. Eventually u all know what happened next, we broke up. I can't describe how bad I feel after I have broke up with her. I am overwhelmed by all negative feeling and thinking: angry (I hate myself for being so failure), sad, lonely, helpless (I dunno what else I can do). I really think that killing myself is the best way to get rid of all those feeling. At the moment I just feel like what normally was felt by me, now x 10 more intense. Of course I am not killing myself. Whether any1 feel the same as me? Pls share....
We relied, we broke up, we lost the source to be relied on, we feel helpless.

Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 8:32 pm
by aim
Hi scn, and welcome to the DU forums! Glad you found them.

As for this girl... not all girls are not there when you need them, I promise you that. Just remember that you broke up for a reason - perhaps you were not right for each other?

Honestly, scn, the world is a big place and can feel incredibly lonely sometimes, but please try to stick it out, ok? Even after six years there can be a light at the end of your tunnel.

Keep your heart and your mind open to finding another woman. There is one out there who will want to be there for every mood and feeling that you have, and will do her danmdest to take as much pain away from you as she can.

Trust me. She's out there. You just have to be ready for her when she comes along.

Posted: Mon May 31, 2010 11:01 am
by Warmsoul/Jeanie13
(((((((((((( scm9988 )))))))))))))

Hello again, and thank you for sharing as you have.

Remember you have gone through 6 years and you are still here, fighting your way through it all. It isn't easy, needless to say, but you have done it. Give yourself credit for that.

Yes it is hard to give your all to another, and then that happens. It isn't all you, know that sounds shallow but so true. You gave all you could, just try to not give up on finding someone that will stand besides because they love you more than they do themselves. It can happen.

Take care hope to see you posting again, soon.


Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:06 am
by scm9988
Em... thanks for ur advices and concern... I am thinking maybe if I do found another 1 in my life, I should not commit so much into the relationship.. As far as I am concerned, I don't really believe we can relie on anyone anymore, promises can be broken.. I have failed in my relationship for more than once. If this is the way of life, I think we should learn smarter from that. I should have learned to be independant. Not saying we don't build our family after that, we protect ourselves from being hurt and love ourselves more than we love others.. That will be the best way of life..

Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:16 am
by Warmsoul/Jeanie13
((((((((((( scm ))))))))))))

If another relationship comes your way, perhaps remembering from the past will guide you to a better situation. We do learn from our mistakes, I have, and I hope that I will be smart enough or wise enough to not make the same errors.

It does seems when you get into relationships you tend to put your heart on the line. Guess that is life, who really knows.

Wish you the best in all of this, and glad you are posting your feelings, it does help to get them out.


Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:20 am
by scm9988
This is really a good place to be in... I love this place...

Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:23 am
by Warmsoul/Jeanie13
((((((((((( scm ))))))))))))))

I totally agree. :)


Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 10:40 pm
by aim
Oh scm... I urge you not to close your heart because you've been hurt. I was hurt - pretty badly. Strangely... I never thought about closing my heart because I knew there was someone out there for me who would be worthy of my heart. And I was right.

I really have to encourage you to leave yourself open to love and giving yourself completely to another person. Just make sure it's the right person, that's all. Don't be so intent on finding love that you give yourself to someone unworthy of the awesomeness that is YOU.

And you're right... it is a great place.

Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:37 am
by Warmsoul/Jeanie13
(((((((((((( scm9988 )))))))))))))

How are you doing today? Glad you found us... here for you, remember that.

Take care


Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:08 am
by scm9988
ya, maybe I was wrong. I was too eager to find a partner, and naively thought that she will support me and help me to recover from depression. Now I got the lesson. Only time will prove whether she is my Miss Right or not.

Actually I can't be blamed for being desperate. I got lack of love from my family since I was young, certainly I will rush for a relationship, while hoping some1 can support me and spare me her love.

Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:35 am
by crystalgaze
Hello... I do hope your doing well/feeling better.

What I've found is that I can't place my entire battle on the other person. That's just my [limited] experience, though. In fact, now most people don't even know. I keep quiet about it because as far as I'm concerned, it's none of their business (the details, that is).

I will only say to others that I have good days & bad days (like most everyone else), in case they see me with a strange face/expression. That's it. They don't need to know anymore because I find it's not something people understand much. They can understand my over-simplified version, though, but mention the d word & that throws everything out the window.

When I don't put my battle on the other person, it tends to work--at least for a while. That's why I try to find things for me... From cleaning to trying out things on computers, occasional video games, music, driving down the road, etc. Sometimes I end up being a total goof, but perhaps, it might make for some good conversation some place.

It is hard because what I like changes very rapidly. I finally do have a little bit of a system going, & I cycle through the different things. I still have to find more things.... Maybe I might try a Kindle next or something (older version perhaps so it's not as expensive)... I don't know.... If I don't feel like this, then maybe I'll try that....

Whatever it is, I just try to pay attention. If I give myself to someone & that person does not reciprocate, I pull back--before I really start feeling a way about things.

I have a friend & we meet up maybe about once per month. That's it. That's simply how it is. Would I like to see that person more than that? Sure! But that's the pace he's comfortable with at the time being.

Find the pace that the other person can manage. Maybe that's what it all is about.... Not sure.... Just one of my thoughts for you.

Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 8:51 am
by scm9988
It's totally make sense. That's why I am trying to enlarge my social circle now, by inviting some of my old friends to hang out. It's never healthy to place our entire battle on one person, since others don't always reciprocate and react the same way we treat them.

Posted: Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:20 am
by Warmsoul/Jeanie13
(((((((((( crystal ))))))))))))))

Very wise words from you.

((((((((( scm )))))))))))))

It's never healthy to place our entire battle on one person

So true, a hard lesson to learn, but one you never forget.


Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:06 pm
by aim
Totally agreed that our little crystal is a wise one, Jeanie. :-)

I believe in order to love another, we have to accept and love ourselves too. Once this incredible thing happens, we can begin to stand on our own two feet, and not completely depend on another human being to MAKE us happy. All the right partner can do is add to your own happiness. He or she can help you see what is so awesome about you, this way you can look in the mirror and see it too. See what this person sees. See yourself through their loving eyes.

In my humble opinion, a great partner lifts you up when life gets too hard, supports you when you feel that the world is crumbling around you, loves you on your worst days, and holds you when you need it most. AND you do the same for him or her.

There is a lid out there for every pot. Don't ever forget that.

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:39 pm
by Warmsoul/Jeanie13
TY for agreeing aim, and yes she is.