help i dont know what to do with myself im in so muc pain

[Friday13]

Hi,

I been on meds for depression and anxiety since feb, i went from 10mg to 30mg and now my gp has been weening me off them even though i told her i needed 40mg and was still feeling rubbish, im down to 10mg now and feeling so depressed more than ever since being on my meds and before my meds.

I keep bruising or trying to bruise myself on my hipbones, i want my hipbones to show. i can only feel them.

I have been dieting well since being on my meds but now im on 10mg i just cant cope and keep comfort eating

im in college and im scared im going to get so depressed i wont be able to cope and will leave again.

I have had counselling but i never keep at it because i dont feel its getting me anywhere and i dont really trust them either because one counsellor turned out to be my sisters aunty and she told my mum she had met me and so then my mum knew.

I keep constantly crying like before i started my meds, my boyfriend doesnt believe in depression and he just thinks im weird when i cry and cant explain to him how im feeling its awful and i told him i was feeling depressed again he was like 'its in ur head because ur dosage is less u think u should feel depressed' he might be right but either way i feel depressed and wanted some love and attention off him i just wanted to stay with him and cuddle him and i cudnt stop crying but he wanted to go out with his mate and i wanted him to stay with me and he said i was getting controlling.

I just dont know how to cope anymore someone help me please

[crybaby1086]

I know what it is like to feel lonely and depressed. And to just want to be cuddled and held. I am not good with relationships so I don't have any advise to offer you there. But what I can say is be kind to yourself. Take a nice bath or go for a walk. Take comfort in a book you like. I know how hard it is to lose the weight you want to lose to. I often fall off the diet wagon. But I figure as long as I eat healthy most of the time and get the proper amount of excercise it will all fall into place eventually.

But anyway, welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of nice people here to help you though.

[xn728]

hey angel, im a man and i dont know much about boyfreind problem s
but depression is very hard to deal with both for you and him ,all i can say is you have found a good place here ,and please let your pain out ,it may help,
you both sound young and you havent been ill to long ,if it last s ,you will learn to deal with it a bit better ,i hope it gets sorted for you ,keep on at the gp ,dont give up you must fight for help ,your boyfreind i dont know
if he doesnt understand ,surely the fact that you seem upset ,should make him respond in some loving way ,there are many sufferers on here and we try to support each other ,,so welcome to the forum ,you have many freinds here you havent met just yet ,im sure you will have more replys soon ,,,welcome home i hope you find what your looking for ,college is important it could effect your whole life ,keep going
bset wishes xn728

[shatteredhopes]

I'm sorry, I know what its like when your mate doesn't understand. Mine should have, as he suffered from depression himself, but he even yelled at me one time when I was suicidal (we are no longer together). I understand what its like to want to be with him when you are really down, but sometimes those who can't relate view that as clingy. Maybe you could sit down when you are feeling okay and talk about your needs and his? Offer him a brochure or some info from the doc's office or a book about depression so he can understand? I dunno...depression can be hard on relationships.

Its a hard adjustment when you come down on meds. My understanding is the body grows essentially dependant on the meds for producing chemicals like seratonin and stops most natural production, so it takes awhile for your system to re-adjust to producing them themself...not a medical explanation, but that's what I've learned basically happens. Maybe it will get better awhile after you've been on the lower dose, and if not, maybe the doc can go back up on them?

I know the comfort eating thing...I do that too sometimes. And I know what's its like to want to hurt yourself.

That is horrible that the therapist violated your confidentiality. Maybe try a different one if you can? I wish I could go back in therapy, but it is cost prohibitive for me.

I hope you can get the help you need and finish college. We are listening and are here to offer friendship and peer support.

Sending thoughts of friendship and light your way...

[xn728]

hey crybaby ,s/hopes ,hope your doing ok ,i so glad you posted here for angel ,i was at a loss what to say about the eating thing ,so glad you came
hope your both feeling ,you know ok ,,,,,ken

[dandelion]

hello Friday13, having a gp that doesnt understand our needs are really hard, maybe you can find another doctor? I know it might be hard to change doctor, but from the sound of it, your gp is giving a hard time for you. As for your eating, i think most of us going through that when we have depression, im not so sure but i know that depression can make you eat a lot and for certain people they just lose their appetite and certain meds can make your appetite increase as well. But this is the information that i read over at depression books and also online. I think they are a lot of stigma and prejudice towards depressed people, and i heard a lot of times about the 'its all inside your head' and they say it in a sarcastic way. and to be honest, i really hate that. What they dont now is that it is inside our head, its in our brain, the meds that we are taking trying to help us to produce the serotonin (sp) that we need, so yes..its in our head!!. And i agree with shatteredhopes, maybe you need to print the info on what you have or find a brochure about depressiona and show it to your boyfriend. I did that once and show it to a friend, and she understands me better now and even know what meds i should take and helps me getting the meds i need when im having panic attack at work and how to help me to focus on my breathing. and im lucky to have her and her being so understanding. Maybe by doing that, it could help your boyfriend to understand you better? Just a thought

dandelion

[Mich]

Friday13 - Welcome to the forum. It is very very hard to be suffering from depression and not get the support you need from loved ones. I am sorry your boyfriend is not more understanding. Depression is a very real and devastating disease. Maybe if you get him some reading material on it, he will begin to be more supportive. I am sorry that you are feeling so badly and I know that you will find lots of support here if you keep on writing.

[davidf]

Friday 13th do not resent your partner or friends for not understanding the illness that you and so many share.Arm yourself with knowledge dear we cannot fight what we do not understand,with knowledge comes power,the power to embrace the depression I DO NOT want to feel the way we all feel but i do not and will not allow it to control me or define me.As all sufferers of not only depression but all illnesses we need to think that we are strong for we have come through it we are fighting it and we are still standing still fighting only the weak allow it to control totally what we see and feel.Ive been suicidal,self harmed,felt weak,guilty,useless,missunderstood,all the feelings you have had and will have,its a club that nobody wants to join,but you have good friends in the club wear the club colours with pride and you will see the faintest of light one day and that will be the start of the journey to recovery or at the least acceptance.

come get me depression if u need to , because i will fight you all the way

be strong and remember the most important thing of all.................

If you throw a boomerang and it does not return,then it is just a stick!!!!!