I cannot build up the courage to ask for help.
Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:52 pm
I already posted on reddit, though it got lost in the masses of posts so i decided to make a topic here aswell. I do not know what i hope to achieve by doing this but i just want someone to hear me, this is tearing me apart. Here is the slightly edited copy-paste from my reddit post.
I am going to be completely honest here, for a few years now actually i've been certain i have some sort of cancer. I have never been to a doctor or asked anyone or talked at all about it. Whenever anyone asks me if i'm feeling okay i tell them all i'm fine or feeling good etc..
The thing is, i noticed i had a small lump under my right armpit, i didn't think much of it as i was younger, and i thought for some reason it'd vanish somehow. But it stayed and is there still, in addition to one on my neck and one on my chest, they hurt when i touch them. An other thing that happens to me, not sure it relates though is i sometimes lose my vision and almost faint when i stand up. I think about it all the time and it has made my life quite miserable, as i can't find reasons to invest time in school work, to get in physical shape or socialise and make friends or get in a relationship with a girl.
I have constant pressure on my from my parents who expect me to do well in school. They have no idea of any of this, neither do any of my friends, it all comes crashing down at me sometimes and, i don't know what to say. I just want to scream outfor help, but i just can't do it, i do not know why.
Excuse me but f***! I don't tear up or anything like that often but just typing this out is f****** me up. I do not know what to to, at times it feels as though i'm running out of time somehow and all time i spend on people and school will be somehow wasted, not that i do much that has meaning as i mostly sit around and do nothing either watching YouTube and playing videogames. I realise i must sound like a priviliged twat, at times it feels as though i deserve it. Sorry, i can't really type more at the moment as i'm about to start crying and i don't want my parents to see me and realise something is wrong.
I am going to be completely honest here, for a few years now actually i've been certain i have some sort of cancer. I have never been to a doctor or asked anyone or talked at all about it. Whenever anyone asks me if i'm feeling okay i tell them all i'm fine or feeling good etc..
The thing is, i noticed i had a small lump under my right armpit, i didn't think much of it as i was younger, and i thought for some reason it'd vanish somehow. But it stayed and is there still, in addition to one on my neck and one on my chest, they hurt when i touch them. An other thing that happens to me, not sure it relates though is i sometimes lose my vision and almost faint when i stand up. I think about it all the time and it has made my life quite miserable, as i can't find reasons to invest time in school work, to get in physical shape or socialise and make friends or get in a relationship with a girl.
I have constant pressure on my from my parents who expect me to do well in school. They have no idea of any of this, neither do any of my friends, it all comes crashing down at me sometimes and, i don't know what to say. I just want to scream outfor help, but i just can't do it, i do not know why.
Excuse me but f***! I don't tear up or anything like that often but just typing this out is f****** me up. I do not know what to to, at times it feels as though i'm running out of time somehow and all time i spend on people and school will be somehow wasted, not that i do much that has meaning as i mostly sit around and do nothing either watching YouTube and playing videogames. I realise i must sound like a priviliged twat, at times it feels as though i deserve it. Sorry, i can't really type more at the moment as i'm about to start crying and i don't want my parents to see me and realise something is wrong.