Worried I Will Self Destruct
Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2015 12:10 pm
Things are going pretty good for me lately. My antidepressants seem to be working, and my other health issues are under control, for the most part. And I am on my way to getting gastric bi-pass surgery to lose weight.
AND I have a new boyfriend who just this weekend told me he is in love with me, and I am pretty sure I love him too.
So why the post?
I am a master at self destruction. Whenever things are going well, or extremely well in my life, I always manage to do something to self destruct or self sabotage. I am praying I don't and hope I will recognize it if I am doing it. I want to break this curse I seem to have placed on myself.
After 13 years in a one sided loveless relationship with a serial cheater, even I think I deserve happiness. It is my time, I am due!!!
I am just so afraid of screwing this up.
A small voice inside is still trying to tell me I am unworthy of happiness and deserve nothing but misery. I am working really hard to shut that voice out.
I hope this time I don't do anything truly stupid. I am finally finding myself, and I want to continue this journey.
AND I have a new boyfriend who just this weekend told me he is in love with me, and I am pretty sure I love him too.
So why the post?
I am a master at self destruction. Whenever things are going well, or extremely well in my life, I always manage to do something to self destruct or self sabotage. I am praying I don't and hope I will recognize it if I am doing it. I want to break this curse I seem to have placed on myself.
After 13 years in a one sided loveless relationship with a serial cheater, even I think I deserve happiness. It is my time, I am due!!!
I am just so afraid of screwing this up.
A small voice inside is still trying to tell me I am unworthy of happiness and deserve nothing but misery. I am working really hard to shut that voice out.
I hope this time I don't do anything truly stupid. I am finally finding myself, and I want to continue this journey.