Decision

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vicky59
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:25 pm
Location: New York State, USA

Decision

Postby vicky59 » Thu Feb 26, 2015 6:54 pm

I am done. I can't deal with the physical pain anymore. I no longer enjoy anything. I know I've said before that I would never suicide because of what it does to those left behind, but I just can't be that strong any longer. I've been a hamster running in a wheel doing everything I could to get help and I'm so tired of fighting for it only to be denied time and time again.
Those I love and leave behind will just have to deal with it and move on. I know that sounds cold, but I'm just not the same person anymore. I wish I could be stronger for them, but I can't.
I always thought I could hold on to watch my precious granddaughter grow up. I care for her at least two days a week and at other times. I live one block away so it's convenient for everyone. But I can't even lift her anymore without lasting pain. She's young enough that she probably won't even remember me after a while. At least she can't miss me then.

I have the means. It won't be for a while. I need to get affairs in order. One good thing: having finally made this final decision gives me a measure of relief that I haven't been able to obtain from anything else.
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Vicky

Kelly
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:26 am

Postby Kelly » Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:15 pm

I know I don't know you or anything or know what you're going through, but I really hope that you talk to a doctor or a counselor before you do anything. It's highly possible that with therapy or medication, things really will get better. And you're granddaughter may not be old enough to physically remember you, but she is sure to feel the ripples of your suicide. She'll still be sad, forever, because you're not there.

CrazyKiss
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 2:30 pm
Location: South West

Postby CrazyKiss » Sat Feb 28, 2015 10:52 am

I can completely understand how you feel Vicky59. You may have mentioned this already in the forums but what's wrong with getting a second opinion?

One thing I've noticed is that deep down inside of you there's something what's wanting you to keep reaching out to people and that's a really good sign because not only you feel that your on ur own but you know that your still reaching out to people without realising that getting help by someone at the same time.

This is working for you and the reason why this is working for you is you havvent stopped trying to reach out to people. Wether your seeing the doctor or not you are still getting some form of help.

The only thing I would say is keep reaching out on here as your voice is being heard and some how wether you feel it or not you are feeling a little bit better every time you come on here and try to be there for your granddaughter still because she seems like a postive role model in your life.

Don't forget to keep reaching out to us and when you feel ready try and confide in someone like a friend who you feel most comfortable with. Doesn't have to be the Doctor or Counseller just yet.

Good Luck x

LuisSteven
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:43 am

Postby LuisSteven » Mon Mar 02, 2015 4:02 am

Remember that the presence of pain, even if there is no apparent cause, may be an indication that there is something wrong. See a doctor if you are concerned about the underlying cause of your pain. * Being able to deal with pain through the power of your mind is not a substitute for professional medical treatment


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