Depression Understood Forums

do you tell people that you're fine when you're really not

i don't. i always say how i'm feeling, and if people don't like, it's their own problem

I try to be as honest with my friends as I can.

Easier to lie to co-workers, sales people, and acquaintances in my opinion. There is something to be said for identity representation. And in this context I support your statement " if people don't like, it's their own problem" 100%.

I say I am "Fair to middling" which means nothing really. Or could be construed as "Fair to Midland" which is somewhere in Texas.

On really bad days, I just say, "I'm pleading the 5th."

(Fifth Ammendment to the Constitution states that I can refuse to make a statement that is self incriminating.)

Makes me feel a little smart.

But I talk on the phone with customers all day and I'm happy to be with them, so in that moment, I'm better than fine. Living the DREAM. SO.... what can I do FOR YOU?

AND honestly, after a day at work, I'm tired, but in better shape mentally for "acting as if" I were in a better place than I might be at the moment.


BUT... my husband, my sister and my BFF usually get the truth. They can handle it and don't use it against me.

I always seem to say I'm fine, even before I think about it. It's like a knee jerk reaction. My bf doesn't believe me if I say I'm fine. I have been crying and will go to work as soon as my eyes stop hurtin, uundoubtedly people willask how iI am today and I will say fine the sameas aalways even if I'm fighting back tears.

What could your bf do for you when you don't feel good? It sound's like he might want to do that for you.

It is so hard to help, when you are afraid that you'll just make things worse.

I have often said I'm fine or I just don't say anything at all. Of course the lack of communication has some people around me convinced I have a comprehension issue. I often feel judged and the few times I thought i could start opening up to someone I received the ..... "Get over it there are others worse off then you." ...... speech. And this was just with one sentence, the tip of the iceburg when in comes to my issues. This just baffled and hurt me because it often came from those who i cared about and listened intently to when they told me about their problems. So from that experience I never really had anyone to open up to and normally keep my feelings and issues to myself.

The last few therapists I have been to were always more concerned with certain aspects of my childhood and kept prodding me about them rather then current issues.

I have been crying and will go to work as soon as my eyes stop hurtin, uundoubtedly people willask how iI am today and I will say fine the sameas aalways even if I'm fighting back tears.????

Nebulochin wrote exactly what I usually feel when I consider whether I should or should not tell people how I really feel. The standard "get it together" speech; people treating you like a grumbler....and usually close people and friends, I am not even considering co-wrokers.

So, I usually go for "Fine". But I can't make myself look cheerful when I am actually sad, so I end up looking cold and distant. All this makes me feel like I am constantly lying.

Of course, at moments I just break and share with friend or family how I really feel...and then I feel guilty for bothering them...

Pretend and, at some point, the problem and the pain will surface ten-fold. If you’re not coping, admit to yourself that you’re not. This shows great strength. When you‘ve asked for help, share your feelings with someone you know and love who will listen without judgement or advice, or with a trained counselor.

No, if you are with real friends, you need not to hide anything from them.

Whenever I feel sad or happy, I always call some of my good friends to open-up the problems and even the happiest moment in my life because I have a trust on them that's why.

emily67 wrote:do you tell people that you're fine when you're really not

i don't. i always say how i'm feeling, and if people don't like, it's their own problem

I would say that, pretending to be happy when you're really not, is a strong person.

Personally, I feel I'd be blind-siding a person who is otherwise expressing the social convention of concern. Yes, its shallow. It's intended to be (according to the convention). But, I feel I'd be whacking them up-side the head if I'm not very close to them (my brother or my wife, for instance).

Just how I operate. Not making excuses for society or social convention - in fact, I don't like it - but, it is what it is. I won't heap my burden on an unsuspecting soul.