do you tell people you're fine when you're not?

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emily67
Posts: 92
Joined: Sun Jan 25, 2015 11:35 am

do you tell people you're fine when you're not?

Postby emily67 » Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:08 am

do you tell people that you're fine when you're really not

i don't. i always say how i'm feeling, and if people don't like, it's their own problem

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Postby 100footpole » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:06 pm

I try to be as honest with my friends as I can.

Easier to lie to co-workers, sales people, and acquaintances in my opinion. There is something to be said for identity representation. And in this context I support your statement " if people don't like, it's their own problem" 100%.

Glad2bme
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:06 am

Sort of.

Postby Glad2bme » Thu Feb 05, 2015 10:21 am

I say I am "Fair to middling" which means nothing really. Or could be construed as "Fair to Midland" which is somewhere in Texas.

On really bad days, I just say, "I'm pleading the 5th."

(Fifth Ammendment to the Constitution states that I can refuse to make a statement that is self incriminating.)

Makes me feel a little smart.

But I talk on the phone with customers all day and I'm happy to be with them, so in that moment, I'm better than fine. Living the DREAM. SO.... what can I do FOR YOU?

AND honestly, after a day at work, I'm tired, but in better shape mentally for "acting as if" I were in a better place than I might be at the moment.


BUT... my husband, my sister and my BFF usually get the truth. They can handle it and don't use it against me.

SilentMomma
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 9:45 pm

Postby SilentMomma » Fri Feb 06, 2015 11:59 am

I always seem to say I'm fine, even before I think about it. It's like a knee jerk reaction. My bf doesn't believe me if I say I'm fine. I have been crying and will go to work as soon as my eyes stop hurtin, uundoubtedly people willask how iI am today and I will say fine the sameas aalways even if I'm fighting back tears.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Postby 100footpole » Fri Feb 06, 2015 12:26 pm

What could your bf do for you when you don't feel good? It sound's like he might want to do that for you.

It is so hard to help, when you are afraid that you'll just make things worse.

Nebulochin
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:14 pm

Postby Nebulochin » Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:01 am

I have often said I'm fine or I just don't say anything at all. Of course the lack of communication has some people around me convinced I have a comprehension issue. I often feel judged and the few times I thought i could start opening up to someone I received the ..... "Get over it there are others worse off then you." ...... speech. And this was just with one sentence, the tip of the iceburg when in comes to my issues. This just baffled and hurt me because it often came from those who i cared about and listened intently to when they told me about their problems. So from that experience I never really had anyone to open up to and normally keep my feelings and issues to myself.

The last few therapists I have been to were always more concerned with certain aspects of my childhood and kept prodding me about them rather then current issues.

tntn45
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2015 4:58 am

Postby tntn45 » Tue Mar 17, 2015 5:39 am

I have been crying and will go to work as soon as my eyes stop hurtin, uundoubtedly people willask how iI am today and I will say fine the sameas aalways even if I'm fighting back tears.????
Last edited by tntn45 on Wed Apr 01, 2015 6:20 am, edited 2 times in total.

Kumonryu
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 8:12 am

Postby Kumonryu » Tue Mar 17, 2015 6:00 am

Nebulochin wrote exactly what I usually feel when I consider whether I should or should not tell people how I really feel. The standard "get it together" speech; people treating you like a grumbler....and usually close people and friends, I am not even considering co-wrokers.

So, I usually go for "Fine". But I can't make myself look cheerful when I am actually sad, so I end up looking cold and distant. All this makes me feel like I am constantly lying.

Of course, at moments I just break and share with friend or family how I really feel...and then I feel guilty for bothering them...

LuisSteven
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:43 am

Postby LuisSteven » Tue Mar 17, 2015 8:40 am

Pretend and, at some point, the problem and the pain will surface ten-fold. If you’re not coping, admit to yourself that you’re not. This shows great strength. When you‘ve asked for help, share your feelings with someone you know and love who will listen without judgement or advice, or with a trained counselor.

susanpetrick
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2015 7:14 am

Postby susanpetrick » Tue Mar 24, 2015 7:17 am

No, if you are with real friends, you need not to hide anything from them.

cherrymcdowell
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 2:45 am

Postby cherrymcdowell » Wed Mar 25, 2015 2:09 am

Whenever I feel sad or happy, I always call some of my good friends to open-up the problems and even the happiest moment in my life because I have a trust on them that's why.

cherrymcdowell
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 2:45 am

Re: do you tell people you're fine when you're not?

Postby cherrymcdowell » Fri Apr 10, 2015 4:16 am

emily67 wrote:do you tell people that you're fine when you're really not

i don't. i always say how i'm feeling, and if people don't like, it's their own problem


I would say that, pretending to be happy when you're really not, is a strong person.

nenkohai2
Posts: 143
Joined: Wed Nov 12, 2014 12:43 pm

Postby nenkohai2 » Fri Apr 10, 2015 12:01 pm

Personally, I feel I'd be blind-siding a person who is otherwise expressing the social convention of concern. Yes, its shallow. It's intended to be (according to the convention). But, I feel I'd be whacking them up-side the head if I'm not very close to them (my brother or my wife, for instance).

Just how I operate. Not making excuses for society or social convention - in fact, I don't like it - but, it is what it is. I won't heap my burden on an unsuspecting soul.


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