Who am I anymore?

Everyday life. How was your day?

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Heady Eddy
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2014 9:38 pm
Location: OHIO

Who am I anymore?

Postby Heady Eddy » Sat Nov 08, 2014 9:52 am

I've been battling depression and anxiety for a long time now. Recently went to a doctor and talked about my problems. He recommended that I take meds for my depression and anxiety. I've always been against doing this but now realizing I have a real diagnose the problem I gave it a shot. Taking meds for about 6 months now and honestly I don't feel that much better. It's almost like I became boring some days almost zombie like. So now I am searching for alternative ways I can help myself further. Either with meditation, Yoga, self-help practice, Church or whatever. I usually just drink alcohol or eat a lot of food when I get really down but that's taking a toll on my body and mind. Please help me find an alternative way or any words of wisdom will help. Thanks for listening

Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 2:42 am

Postby Itsonlyme » Sat Nov 08, 2014 11:04 am

Hello HE :) I've never taken anti-depression drugs, as my blood has been tested a few X's and never showed any markers for "chemical based" depression. My endorphins and such were all normal.

I did, however, take similar drugs for Fibromyalgia. > completely whacked me out, and like you said, turned me into a total zombie ! But worse yet, it did absolutely nothing for my Fibro.

5 yrs later though, I started on this big, crazy, uphill journey back to health. Long story short, I've lost about 130 lbs of fat (easy), put on 50 lbs of lean muscle (extremely difficult) but much more importantly, I've knocked my Fibro down by 90-95%, and my severe IBS has been in complete remission for more than 3yrs now. I should be ecstatic, right ?

Only one problem; In spite of the fact that my health went from unimaginably miserable, to that of a straight up athlete, I am back to being so depressed all the time, I wish I was dead, but don't have (or haven't had) enough balls to do anything about that....

So instead, here I am, dying one day at a time.
Forgive me, I forget that everybody here is in a similar boat.....

But hey, I'll tell you what.... while it only lasts for a few hours max, nothing makes me forget about my POS life more, than working out... especially, stomping up a mountain with my heart about to explode out of my chest, and lungs feeling like they might explode.....

^ Really cranks the endorphine release WAAAY up. Its only a temp fix, but then again, so are drugs and alcohol, and working out is obviously healthier....

How to get to where fitness is a normal part of your daily life ? Geeez, I dunno'..... For me, with my OCD, I just somehow got fitness lodged in my brain, and everything else went out the window.

Now I'm the fittest, healthiest, train wreck of a guy one might ever meet :(

Heady Eddy
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2014 9:38 pm
Location: OHIO

Postby Heady Eddy » Sat Nov 08, 2014 12:22 pm

Thanks for the reply and sharing your story ONLYME. Great job BTW on losing all that weight and getting into shape. I wish I had the drive to do that. I can't go to a gym because of my severe anxiety. I'm constantly thinking about people looking at me and judging me and making fun of me. It really sucks . I did buy an elyptical machine a while ago and its pretty much a coat rack. I want to use it and lift my free weights but its the lack of motivation to start. In the warm months I don't have a problem getting out of the house for a walk, hike or bike ride. Its now the cold and winter months when the depression and lack of motivation gets worse ....the time I need help the most. What can I do to get going? Where can I harvest energy to do stuff? How do you motivate yourself pre workout?

Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 2:42 am

Postby Itsonlyme » Sun Nov 09, 2014 1:42 am

Thank you Eddy.... now for a surprise, "I've never set foot in gym either" !

With my ADD ? Are you kidding me ? I'd be so totally distracted, I'd hurt myself.... or have to be reminded to start every set !

Instead, I own a Bowflex which I do several things on... I do about 1500 elevated foot push ups a week 300-400 a day, on chest and shoulder days.
I use a curling bar with some free weights a bunch....
And finally, I climb mountains with a 25 lb back pack :) Up to 22 miles, with 3700 ft of elevation climb :)

I wish I could tell you that it is because of my amazing will power, determination, yada, yada,.... that I have went from a train wreck of health, to an athlete...

But the reality is, it was simply by blind chance that health and fitness got stuck in my "OCD" warped brain..... then, that became so easy it was just second nature, while the whole rest of my life just kind of flew out the window.

As I've said before, I guess their are worse things to be addicted to, other than just working out all the time !

Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2014 12:02 am

Postby Maria1000 » Sun Nov 30, 2014 8:22 am

I hate taking meds too they just put me in a cloud and I can't think or do anything.

What I did to start getting my life back in order was get a dog who is more ADD and OCD them me. I just started walking a little every day with her. She is a great motivator. She will not leave me along when I get home from work until we go for a walk. Now I am walking up to three mile a day and lost about 20 pounds. We walk in the cold, snow, and rain.

Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:57 am

Postby Whatstolose » Mon Dec 22, 2014 12:40 pm

I tried meds for a bit and like you, they didn't seem to help. I took them for 9 months then weaned off of them.

When I fell into a huge depression in September of 2013, I stopped eating. That set off a weight loss of 130 lbs. I am dealing with an ED at this point. I too have built up muscle. I do an hour of elliptical pretty much every day (in my home) and 30-40 minutes of muscle building exercises like planks and crunches. I just had a physicial of sorts and everything came back good. So yes, I'm healthy and in good shape, but similarly to others, every day is a struggle.

Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Nov 17, 2014 2:30 pm
Location: South West

Postby CrazyKiss » Mon Dec 29, 2014 11:48 am

It's not easy having to deal with depression and anxiety alone but u need to remember that ur not on ur on as each and everyone of us on here has or is going through depression.

I'm sorry to hear that u find the medication isnt working and the doctor seems to be much help but have u got some like a therapist who u go and see in the mean time? It maybe u could talk to them and as for u trying to deal with other ways of coping with depression there is alot of help avaliable out there.

I'm not sure where u live but I think its worth paying a visit to see ur doctor again and asking wether they can put u in touch with a support team? They can't really say no. Also if u dont like the doctor ur seeing then why can't u change? That's proberly best.

Do u have any friends or family? They can hopefully support u with this. We're here as well as we know what ur going through but try and go back to ur doctor and asking for further help but what ur doing at the moment is all good. Keep going with that in the mean time.

Also if u dont like taking medication then there are other ways in which u can still get treatment long term. Thought the doctor would of explained but I know u can always get injections every month to know that ur under doctors supervision. Would this or talking about other treatments with ur doctor be a good idea?

Please go back to see them. I'm sure it will work out better in the end but keep doing all ur doing. Your not on ur own so keep reaching out.

Good Luck x

Posts: 17
Joined: Fri Nov 07, 2014 1:09 am

Postby writeagain » Mon Jan 05, 2015 9:52 pm

Heady Eddy,

Sounds like you need to go back to the doctor and tell him/her that the medication isn't working for you. Depression is a very personal illness and sometimes certain medication doesn't work, sometimes it does. All depends on the person. And cut the alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and will only make you feel worse. Fill your life with something you love!

Good Luck! You can do it!

Posts: 37
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:55 pm

Postby SkaterDrew » Fri Jan 09, 2015 10:05 pm

We feel the same way Heady Eddy.
You're not alone. I'm battling with depression too.
People here are amazing, they do care and listen, so keep in touched here so we could help each other.
And I suggest you try to cut the alcohol, it could just add to your depression.

Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:32 pm

Postby DontEatMyBacon » Sat Feb 21, 2015 3:10 am

Hi there Heady Eddy, I can relate with you in some ways. I remember myself when I was in your situation. Because of anxiety and depression, I’ve become alcoholic, I depend all my problem to alcohol. Thank God, after attending somedrug recovery program here in Missouri, I manage to recover and bring back my sober life. I want to say that it's never too late to change and I know that hope can seem so far out of reach as to be nonexistent. I got better, but I had to give up something in order to gain wellness. At first it was like being alone and naked and cold. But at some point, you turn a corner and things get better. So don’t lose hope Eddy, be brave and strong, remember one day at a time. And when you feel like giving up, just pray to God, he will give you strength to keep fighting. You will not face it alone, God is always with you. Just always have faith in HIM. God bless you.

Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:25 pm
Location: New York State, USA

Postby vicky59 » Sat Feb 21, 2015 8:58 pm

Been dancing this dance for nearly 18 years. I've been on a variety of meds. Some useless, some great - but only for a period of time then they would "poop out". Then it's time to try another.

Etoh = bad
Stuffing your face = bad

Exercise has always been a good temporary fix; I just need to get that initial motivation. Hard to do sometimes.

Please check out the Fisher-Wallace Stimulator. Took six weeks like it said, but helped and no side effects. It's sort of like home ECT.
See fisherwallace.com.

Of course, felt better, stopped using, feel like crap, using again.

Don't know why people do that: find something that helps, feel better then stop doing what helped. I diabetic doesn't get their blood sugar down and then stop taking their insulin.

For anyone who has had more than one bout of depression, this is a chronic illness and should be treated as such.

See your doctor, try a different med, just keep trying.

Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:32 pm

Postby DontEatMyBacon » Thu Mar 12, 2015 3:06 am

I agree with vicky, you should try a different med, or try to get help to some Rehabilitation Care Treatment, they might help you with your problem.

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