Depression Understood Forums

my fiance and I have been together for 4 years now and he has had crohns disease since I met him, in fact right before we started dating he had his Illiostomy surgery, which didn't and still doesn't bother me. he hasn't had any problems with it since the surgery apart from the odd food getting stuck, but i've had to change my life style, we can't eat certain things, go to amusement parks, go swimming, bike, camp, we have to be constantly on the watch for the bag busting or breaking. thats become the norm though and life goes on. we got engaged this past year and have been planning our wedding for next year as we have to save up and pay for it ourselves. suddenly hes been having alot of trouble with pains, and feeling sick and i've had to care for him, and then he got an email about the BCIR surgery which will basically get rid of the bag and make his life easier, but we would have to take all of our saved up money and then some to pay for the surgery and put off our wedding for another 2 years after the original date, and we are still paying off his loans from his first surgery. Does it make me a bad person to feel angry and frustrated? I know its not his fault and he needs to feel better but I just get so sad and feel like we are stuck not moving forward, we cant save up any money for things like a wedding or a house because we are paying for his 12k in loans and now for this new surgery.

Hi there nanerpuss. Of course it doesn't make you a bad person. What your feeling is a very natural , normal response to such a tough situation.

I'm just really sorry that you both have to go through such a rough time. I just wish there would come a day when no one would ever have to be sick or put their lives on hold. We only have one life it shouldn't have to be so hard.

Please know that you and him are both in my heart and thoughts today. Somehow I know that everything is going to work out. I know it can't happen as soon as you like but someday all of this will be behind you and you will have all the happiness and peace of mind that you deserve. Just hold on and don't give up.

I wish there was more I could say or do but I don't believe at all your a bad person. You have every right to be frustrated. But I really believe it's gonna be okay in the end. I hope this helps