Parents don't understand and they don't care?

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CrazyLady17

Parents don't understand and they don't care?

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sat Jan 11, 2014 4:52 pm

So sorry for making a new thread, but I had to let it all off my chest, before it all builds it even more...

Ever since my parents fount out I have depression they haven't been very supportive at all, and as you all know they kicked me out and I became homeless. Then after I was admitted to hospital after an attempt and after I miscarried the twins my parents became more and more unsupportive towards me.
Today they called me and they told me and I quote; " Abbie you are a waste of space and you are not part of this family, you should die and we son want anything to do with you anymore".
What the hell is wrong with them? What have I ever done to them to deserve all this....

This has left me feeling very hurt, heartbroken, upset but most of all if eel so betrayed by my parents and very let down.
I feel like I have nobody.
I've lost my parents, all because of my depression.

windsong
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Joined: Fri Nov 22, 2013 1:35 pm

Re: Parents don't understand and they don't care? triggering

Postby windsong » Sat Jan 11, 2014 5:28 pm

Your parents were wrong to say that to you. It says more about them as parents then it does about you. Some people unfortunately don't get depression. And we are forced to decide to do we want to try and teach them about depression. If we do, we can try pamphlets, websites, things like that. But if they aren't even willing to learn, sometimes we have to find other, more understanding and compassionate people to relate to.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sat Jan 11, 2014 5:38 pm

Exactly, right now I am so ashamed to call them "my parents". What sort of parents say that to their own son/daughter? Really? It's not on.. I mean I can understand them being hurt because I'm hurting and because I'm depressed etc... But it doesn't make it right to say what they said to me, right?
Makes them shitty parents to me. Eh?

My support worker has tried to explain my depression to them and they didn't listen.
My GP even tried to explain to them about my depression/ once again they didn't listen and wasn't willing to support me.

They aren't willing to support and give me a helping hand....
It sucks.

But I need my parents? They give me the strength.

windsong
Moderator
Posts: 2675
Joined: Fri Nov 22, 2013 1:35 pm

Postby windsong » Sat Jan 11, 2014 6:17 pm

Crazylady17 you don't need the abuse you seem to be getting from them. If they are telling you, that you should die, and you are a waste of space, that is emotional abuse.

I hope you have let your support worker know just how bad they treat you.

Kids having depression or illnesses is tricky at best. Even good parents can have a hard time letting their kids get help, or understanding. Because as a parent you think it's your job to fix your child, and it can be hard to admit that there is something wrong with your child that you can't fix. So sometimes parents ignore the issue.

But if you really feel like you need your parents try to reach out to them, maybe find some middle ground, some thing you all do agree on, and build from there.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sat Jan 11, 2014 6:22 pm

But thing is I've tried reaching out to them? I've asked them to come see me here at the hospital and they won't? I've text and they've ignored me... They will only phone me when it suits them, why should I work around them all the time? I'm sick and tired of making all the effect, I have a illness and I'm struggling and in hospital, all I'm asking for is a little bit of kindness, love and support from my parents. But all i seem to get from them is blackmail and emotional abuse. It's not right.

I suppose it is emotional abuse...
I just don't see it like that as afterall they are my parents and I love them no matter what... But I do also kind of hate them for what they've said to me.

I can't tell my support worker about this? I'm scared it'll all come down to me being depressed and I'll be the one who ends up on trouble(by my parents).
I'm scared.

Ieris
Posts: 217
Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2013 1:36 am
Location: London

Postby Ieris » Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:24 pm

Hi Abbie,

Has your relationship with your parents always been like this? If not, then for how long and do you know why?

I don't think parents would treat their own children this way for no reason. I know they threw you out because you got pregnant but there must have been things that have built up over the years. I recall you saying you have been pregnant on a previous occasion? (correct me if I'm wrong) how did they react the first time?

You say that they have let you down but perhaps they also feel you have let them down. It is normal for parents to want the best for their kids, they make you go to school, hope you meet a decent guy, do well for yourself for your own benefit, not theirs. If you are getting pregnant at 16/17 then it will seem like you are throwing it all away. You're not in a stable relationship, you have no house you can move into, you have no money coming in. It will really be a struggle, not only will you suffer but so will your child. My cousin got pregnant quite young and she really struggled, she had dreams but she missed out on many things in life, such as; university because she had to look after her child full time, it is hard to find a boyfriend because she has a child. I once asked her if she regrets having him and she said: "I don't regret having him but I do regret having him at such a young age". She wanted to see the world, wanted to get a good job to give her child a better life. You're only 17, pretty much a child yourself, go live your life a little before making such a big decision of having a child.

I'm not a parent but when I'm being a brat, my mum will always remind me that someday I'll know how she feels when my own kids do it to me ;p You must try to think from their point of view, it is not easy raising a child, let alone a problem child. I always feel sorry for my parents for having me, they give me everything that I ever wished for but yet I wear a frown on my face. I can't imagine how emotionally torturing it is for them. I never let them see me sad, I never let them hear me cry, I don't want them to ever worry about me, they don't deserve this. I don't need them to understand, it is my own problem but all I asked was give me some space when I need it. I will not burden them, my friends or anyone with my problems. It is my hurdle which I will jump myself, not that others wont help but I need to prove to myself that I can stand on my own two feet and not be dependent on others.

This is part of growing up, so that you can take care of yourself, as one day your parents won't be around anymore. You're from the UK, like me and it is not uncommon for parents to make their children move out at 16/17/18 even if they have done nothing wrong, they simply want them to be independent and learn to support themselves.

I don't know how your parents are or how you get along. If they only have bad things to say about you then do something to make them proud. Don't vent, don't blame, just think of how you can improve and do better. You're only 17, as you get older there are so much more hurdles coming your way and you need to be strong to jump them. You're a very emotional person, you seem to switch from good mood to bad mood very easily. So put it to good use, do something productive, not to distract yourself but to improve yourself. You say you like music, you like to sing, do you know how to play an instrument? can you write lyrics? If you are passionate and love music, focus all that bad energy into that, you can write lyrics that are real and emotional, you can sing so that your audience can hear the pain in your voice, learn to captivate. The music industry is tough and if this is the way you want to go, there is so much more you can do so use your time wisely.

I can tell you love your parents to bits, show them that you are changing, try do be more positive and let them see a better you. I know it is not easy but don't give up x

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sun Jan 12, 2014 5:59 am

Hi there

Nope. Me and my parents normally get a lot completely fine.... They changed towards me when I got older and when I got my first serious boyfriend(Jordan, the one I got pregnant with). Yes I've been pregnant twice... Well there is a third time(but they didn't know about) I was 13.... Long story.

What more can I do?
I've passed school... I went to college.
I learn how to drive(not now I'm in hospital of course)...
I am thinking about music school, so why aren't they proud of me for that? I am making an effect, but they just don't care... I know my parents well and they mean every single word they said to me I'm afraid.
Give up trying to prove to my parents!

I love music, and love singing!
Can play;
Trumpit
Panio
Drums
Guitar

Yes I sometimes write my own lyrics, have been working on my own "love song" while being in hospital.

Thank you x

They may "love" me but they show it on a very weird way to be fair.....
They want me dead, hmm...
That's really mature to go about me having depression isn't it? NOT!
I'm fed up of them treating me like utter dirt.

heavyheart38
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:58 pm

Postby heavyheart38 » Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:11 am

My parents are similar, i have had my "affliction" for 20 years, my brother got meningitis 6 years ago and was in a coma for 2 weeks. He is the "important one" because he nearly died. They have never once supported me. I suppose they are doing what they thinks is best by keeping out of it, as cruel as it sounds. I know what you going through.
at least the forum is here to,help

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:15 am

It's for the best though? They ARE being so cruel and so selfish, all they care about it themselves and nothing else. I don't matter to them, and never will. That's that, end of. Nothing more to say.

Nobody here gets it obviously?
My parents said to me they want me dead!!!!!

That's harsh, cruel and NOT on.

Ieris
Posts: 217
Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2013 1:36 am
Location: London

Postby Ieris » Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:46 am

Morning Abbie,

If you were completely fine before then it must be your actions that has cause them cut you off now. Might be the boyfriend, might be the pregnancy as you say this is when they started to treat you differently. You crossed their line. Not once but twice, they gave you a second chance but you blew it again, no wonder why they're mad. If I got pregnant at 17, my parents would be disappointed and throw me out as well.

Well lets just say you're not the only person here who has had to hear those words "I want you dead, why don't you kill yourself?", I don't bang on about it, I just move on. Many people grow up being treated invisible by their parents, being told everyday "you're a mistake, I should have had an abortion" etc. Considering your parents still went and got you lots of gifts for Christmas, they don't seem as bad as you make them out to be. I don't know how you behave around them so I don't know if the way they act is a reaction towards you or not?

Are you an only child?

x

heavyheart38
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:58 pm

Postby heavyheart38 » Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:47 am

I did not mean to upset you, it saddens me that there are parents out there who dont give a rats a$$ about their offspring. I have 11 and 7 year old daughters. They are the reason i carry on. Again im sorry that i upset you, was not the intention. And no one should be wished to be dead!! That is just down right low. I have never said that to anyone, ever.

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sun Jan 12, 2014 7:44 am

Exactly.
You didn't upset me? I was already upset.... Been upset for ages now.... But thank you!
It's wry hurtful and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so powerless. I hate the fact they could be so mean to me.!

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sun Jan 12, 2014 7:49 am

Ieris wrote:Morning Abbie,

If you were completely fine before then it must be your actions that has cause them cut you off now. Might be the boyfriend, might be the pregnancy as you say this is when they started to treat you differently. You crossed their line. Not once but twice, they gave you a second chance but you blew it again, no wonder why they're mad. If I got pregnant at 17, my parents would be disappointed and throw me out as well.

Well lets just say you're not the only person here who has had to hear those words "I want you dead, why don't you kill yourself?", I don't bang on about it, I just move on. Many people grow up being treated invisible by their parents, being told everyday "you're a mistake, I should have had an abortion" etc. Considering your parents still went and got you lots of gifts for Christmas, they don't seem as bad as you make them out to be. I don't know how you behave around them so I don't know if the way they act is a reaction towards you or not?

Are you an only child?

x


Hey hey!

Yes I'm the one and only child they have(thank goodness)!! So I get kinda spoilt(what everyone says) but isn't true at all...

I see what you are saying an I do agree with you on some areas, but they react the way they do I think for attention as they love the spotlight and recently I've had all the attention because of being in hospital etc... You know what I mean?
I act perfectly fine around my parents i at like a normal teenage girl would around her parents.....

I'm hurt that they've changed :( x

CrazyLady17

Postby CrazyLady17 » Sun Jan 12, 2014 9:50 am

How can I get my parents to understand the way I'm feeling when thy won't listen to me or the GP or support worker and if he won't work with me to help me get better?

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:09 pm

Hey hi ieris,
I COMPLETELY agree with both the posts by you...like each and every word!!!! I get along with my parents very well. But still i am going to save ur posts somewhere with me.
U really seem to me, a really nice person, ieris.

A few parts of ur posts describes me. Trust me. Would like to share some thoughts of mine with u...very soon!
Till then, keep up the beautiful way of thinking, ieris.
Last edited by saragupta on Sun Jan 12, 2014 1:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.


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