Im never happy!

Everyday life. How was your day?

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Patrick
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:25 pm

Im never happy!

Postby Patrick » Mon Sep 30, 2013 1:54 pm

I'm never happy! It has been a rough year. First I was out of work for 5 weeks with a neuroma in my foot. Then it got worse when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer on March 1st. I've watched her go through a double mastectomy then reconstructive surgery. Recently they confirmed that she is cancer free now. I should be happy now and I am happy that she is a survivor but now I worry that she will get cancer again. I mean I am obsessively worried about it. Of course I don't tell her that. Then with all that my job is kind of shaky right now. Our company is downsizing and while my boss tells me my job is fine I constantly worry about losing it. I mean what would happen then. My wife is on medication since she had cancer. What if I don't have insurance to get her that? Simply put, my mind is always racing with worries and the other day at work I was extremely stressed and I had a pain shoot through my head and something trickle inside my nose. I ran to the bathroom and put my hand up to my nose and there was a good amount of blood coming from my nose. I got it to stop bleeding and went on with my day even more stressed. Simply put I cant keep on like this. I have tried Anti-depressants and they seem to make me worse. I can't afford the $30 co-pay to go to a psychologist. They do have me on Valium for my nerves but it really doesn't do any good. Where do I go? What do I do to make all this worry stop? I CAN"T TAKE ANYMORE!!!!

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Mon Sep 30, 2013 2:42 pm

Hi Patrick,
I wish I had something to say. However, I'm still waking up, as I read your post. All I can tell you, at the moment, is that I'm sorry for what you're dealing with. Maybe try not to worry quite as much about what hasn't transpired. This could cause YOU health problems. I know, though, that it's easier said than done....

Please continue posting, Patrick. There are many understanding people here, and I think this will be beneficial for you. Try to hang in there, though, I know...easier said than done.
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

fallen
Posts: 264
Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 1:04 am

Postby fallen » Mon Sep 30, 2013 10:47 pm

on the australian news there seems to be a pattern that when a disaster happens, they interview a bystander who saw it all ,or a neighbour who lives across the street.
they all say '' if i had been walking past the house i could have been killed, or if i had been in the building at the time i could have died.
the biggest word in the human vocabulary is " if ".
fear is paralyzing.
my wife had cervical cancer, and is free of it now, but it is normal for a time to think it might come back , as this is an extremely stressful time.
you worry too much , and you need to mellow out, for your sake and your wife's.
take care

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:20 am

I often have a hard time when someone tells me who I am or what I need (like fallen just did. But we all know his heart is in the right place and he's trying to help). But I think the thread makes sense. When we are focused on the future we can't be here in the present. If we focus on disaster that might happen in the future we are living through disaster, now, that might not happen at all.

Of course if disaster does strikes in the future (and it will somehow, sometime, somewhere) isn't the present even more precious? If we live, now, through imagined disasters are bodies feel the negative effects. If we can manage (and I'm not saying it's always easy) to live in the present, through the positive things happening now, then our bodies feel the positive effects. Our bodies reap the healing effects of living in the positive present. Your wife's body can also benefit from the positive effects of each moment you succeed in living in the positive present.

That may or may bot sound like feel good hokum, but there is a mountain of supporting evidence. It's something you can do for your wife without money, without a job, without a prayer. [Of course the job and the money would be nice too.] I'll be praying for you and if you keep posting, I'm sure others will pray for you to.

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karolanne
Posts: 171
Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:15 am
Location: Quebec, Canada

Postby karolanne » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:20 am

Hi there,

I would have said the same as Frame, but not as well sentenced tho. lol The present, living in the present. Your wife is free of cancer. What a beautiful thing to celebrate, just celebrating life... I know, easier to say than do...

The only thing I can add is that there are way more effient medication than vallium to calm your "hamster in the head to run in his wheel"...

Take care

Patrick
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:25 pm

Postby Patrick » Tue Oct 01, 2013 10:11 pm

Thank you to all of you, especially fallen. I hope that your wife is still doing well. My wife was just announced cancer free just within the past month in a half so I am still very much nervous about the whole situation. I know the word "if" has become almost like a bad word to me. Im always thinking about "if" something is going to happen. I'm going to try to live "in the present". Thank you to all of you. I don't have one single friend outside my wife and son so it's nice to be able to talk to others who understand!

SMcGregor
Posts: 35
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:13 am

Postby SMcGregor » Wed Oct 09, 2013 8:19 am

The current proven most effective treatment for depression is a combination of anti-depressant medication and therapy. Being on anti-depressants means that at the very least, the sufferer has recognised their illness and visited their doctor. It is a beginning on the road to coping. And also, we need to be aware of our own self-talk. There is no doubt that negative self talk can drive us into depression.


Kindest regards,

fallen
Posts: 264
Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 1:04 am

Postby fallen » Wed Oct 09, 2013 9:53 pm

to SMcGREGOR
no offence, but did you actually read the post by patrick?
his wife just got over cancer and is still on the journey of recovery , this is a really stressful time for him.
and as for taking meds it is not a cure, if it was there would be no depression, it would all be cured.
as a paranoid sz shrinks try to medicate all of my kind and then lock us up , that is not a cure.
prison guards do the same thing but do not have a degree in psychiatry.
please start quoting from your heart not psychology books.
take care.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Tue Oct 15, 2013 12:12 am

Yeah,
I took all of the psychology courses in college. It was all interesting, especially learning more about the ways psychology is used in advertising, etc.

If I ever start sucking on my big toe, I don't want to wind up with a Freud-obsessed psychologist. Yes, of four famous psychologists, he is actually one them. Who gives a few doctors the right to greatly influence the minds of so many others?! Annoying...

I learned from somebody I know, who attends AA, that this group now states that anyone who drinks more than 2 drinks per sitting, they're "alcoholics." Who is the one who defines what alcoholism is? And all of its MANY various types?? So, even if someone is not a regular drinker, if they have 2-3 beers on a holiday, they're an alcoholic? I disagree, and I think this is getting a bit carried away. Of course, anyone who would refute this point is probably an alcoholic. (in denial) Don't get me wrong; AA helps a lot of people, and Im grateful they exist for those who truly are alcoholics.

Out of curiosity, who makes all of the rules regarding the diagnosing of masses of people?? Frightening thought.
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

TammyJS
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:27 am
Location: Utah

Postby TammyJS » Sun Nov 03, 2013 10:41 am

Hi Patrick, I understand your fears and concerns, my husband has CLL and is in remission. It will be 2 years this Dec. Everything went wrong that could, plus he had a cancerous tumor on his kidney that had to be removed during all the chemo. I suffered from depression and anxiety prior to this. But after I had a melt down and then was diagnosed with PTSD order also. It's a long hard road for a caregiver. I so understand.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:02 pm

Hi Patrick,
How are you nowadays? Your wife?
I just wanted to empathize with you on the caregiver situation, though your predicament is a bit different. Being a caregiver is a mentally and physically taxing job. My last job was as a CNA. It's a tough job- doing most of the nurse's work, yet being paid half as much!
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.


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