Deserted by son

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App
Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Aug 11, 2013 4:51 am
Location: UK

Deserted by son

Postby App » Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:04 am

Feeling very down & abandoned. Our 17 yr old son has dropped out of everything to take up with a 24 yr old single mother. Dropped out of high school & exams that would have taken him to Uni & a promising career.
He's destroyed my family, his sister & his mum.
This woman is on a social services watch list & has a reputation, since 14, of using people to get what she wants before dropping them.
We've done everything for this scrote. Rumours are he's into drugs which has totally destroyed my wife.
He just doesn't give a f#ck about all those who have given him everything. I'll never forget this nor will I ever forgive him or myself for spawning this piece of phlegm.

Alaska1958
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

Postby Alaska1958 » Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:35 am

I am sorry about this turn of events that has upset you and your family. I would ad though that hearing of a 17 year old taking up with a 24 year old woman isn't exactly a shocker. If she uses him and dumps him he'll learn an important lesson. Hopefully he won't become a father just yet.

As for being an ungrateful scrum. We give our children life, we raise them and try to guide them into adulthood. We hope they don't make too many of the mistakes we did, or god forbid, worse ones. But we don't get to tell them how to live their lives. I've made a lot of poor choices in life and made plenty of mistakes, but my parents always let me know they loved me. My mother is 93 now and she's still my biggest supporter.

I really hope your boy turns it around and gets back in school, but even more than that I hope you can get past your anger and love him for who he is rather than hate him for not being who you want him to be.

Good luck to you and yours.

App
Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Aug 11, 2013 4:51 am
Location: UK

Deserted by son

Postby App » Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:45 am

Dear Alaska 1958;
Thank you so much for your understanding.
I don't feel so much anger towards him as frustration at what he has done to everyone who has done so much for him.
I suppose I'll always love him but that doesn't mean I have to like him. Some of what he has done to his Mum really is beneath contempt.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Thu Aug 29, 2013 12:06 pm

App, I have a sister who has the same narcissistic personality. She's done some horrible things to our family. I don't think they should escape the consequences of their actions and I suspect you always will love him.

I just wanted to mention that, whether you forgive him or may never have much of an affect on him. It will, however, have an affect on you and your ability to germinate healing within your relationships with the rest of your family. Forgiveness is not for the guilty but for victims, so they can move on into a more positive heart space. It's not easy, but it's work worth undertaking.

Of course, your first may have simply been a venting rant. That's fine; rant away. This is the right place for it.

App
Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Aug 11, 2013 4:51 am
Location: UK

Postby App » Thu Aug 29, 2013 2:28 pm

Hi Frame & thank you for your helpful, sensible words. And I do mean that. It always seems to make sense when viewed through other' eyes. This woman is known to Social Services & Police as having "used" men since she was 14. In that respect our son is the victim. But he has been so deceitful to us as we were only dumped on 5 weeks ago yet this must have been planned months ago. It's the deceit & lies that hurt the most. Under any other circumstances we wouldn't have cared. He thinks he can cope on a minimum wage in a job that is far from secure & when it all goes "tits-up" as it surely will how do we begin to pick up the pieces as we are all he has & he's effectively alienated his family & real friends he's been lucky to have.
Thanks again. Hope all is ok with you.

Alaska1958
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

Postby Alaska1958 » Thu Aug 29, 2013 9:34 pm

I think I understand you a little better now and can certainly understand your feelings.
Lies, deceit and narcissism can engender some very negative emotions. Reading your second post I was reminded of how I feel about my ex wife. The important difference being that she is my ex, whereas your son will always be your son. The trouble with those kinds of negative feelings is that they almost always do a lot more harm to us than they do to those we feel wronged by.

I hope this is just a rough patch for you and doesn't run on for years and years. My dad (born in 1903) told me about the fight he had with his father when he was young. He left and had very little contact with his family for the rest of his life. I suspect it's been happening like this for thousands of years.

App
Posts: 22
Joined: Sun Aug 11, 2013 4:51 am
Location: UK

Postby App » Fri Aug 30, 2013 10:04 am

Hi Alaska 1958 & thanks for your concern. I'm sure this is a rough patch but I worry about the state of things when our son is forced to return & the effect this will have on his Mum. In May our son couldn't construct a meaningful CV. Now, after I got him a job to fill in time before Uni, he's a grown up in a big world, opening bank accounts without advice & spending now before paying later! As I say, I'll always love him ....!
Regards


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