Can't Handle the Loneliness Much Longer

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MintSnowflakes
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:09 am

Can't Handle the Loneliness Much Longer

Postby MintSnowflakes » Fri Aug 16, 2013 8:28 pm

I've lived with this for far too long. I've tried to do something about it, to no avail. I live with my older brother, mother and father. One big happy family right? Close. I seem to be the only downer here. When I was younger I didn't have a care in the world, nothing could bother me. My parents let me do anything I wanted to do, for example, when I asked my parents if I could pick up the violin they were enthusiastic about it, when I wanted to join the tennis team they were so excited. And then low self-esteem happened, all down hill from there. I was starting to stop talking and started to show less emotion, for lack of a better term.

The only thing that didn't change was when I was really excited about something I got loud and happy again, like when I got first place in track. I wanted to talk all about it to my mom, tell her all the details. And when I finished, I got a simple response, "Oh that's nice." No emotion in it absolutely nothing, and oh boy did I look for it. She acts like she has no time for me. I at least want to have a conversation with her, I don't want to be the only one talking in it. Or she just ignores me completely, I have to repeat what I'm saying to get even get her to talk to me. On the rare occasion that she asks me about my day I give a happy response, even if it wasn't a good day at all. But somehow the end of these conversations are that I end up saying something wrong and she gets so angry, she starts throwing things all over the place and screaming at me, calling me every name in the book. My mom has said time and time again that she thinks I hate her (honestly it really hurts my feelings, it makes me think I need to try harder to please her) and with her dramatic actions I always thought she hated me, still think she does actually. And the whole thing with not talking to me ever, kind of brings me to that assumption.

And of course, when my brother talks to her, I can hear her laughing all the way upstairs, even if I have my door closed. If I make an attempt at a joke, I get a blank face back. My brother talks to my mom all the time and I can't even strike up a conversation and if I actually can, it doesn't last 10 minutes. My dad just decides not to talk to me that much, he does talk to me more than my mom but barely, the thing is is that when he gets back from work he goes across the hall and talks to my brother, my door is wide open waiting for someone to talk to me, but no, no one can seem to spare a minute to come in and say hello. My dad doesn't talk to me unless I talk to him first, I have to start the conversation. So I guess my brother got the attention and I got the stuff. In all honesty I can't handle this anymore. I've dealt with this longer than I thought it would go on. And I am one step away from making it stop for good.

Sorry about the length of this entry and if the topics were a bit messy, I'll keep it organized next time.

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crystalgaze
Posts: 2511
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
Location: USA

Postby crystalgaze » Fri Aug 30, 2013 2:25 am

You know.... This is a hard one to handle.

I have something similar & I'm close to 30. It's hard to give good advice.

The sooner you can move out, the better off I feel you will be. Let them keep your brother, and I don't mean that in any offensive way at all. Weigh the situation and do what you feel is best. (I don't live in your household.)

Do you. Journal. Do whatever you need to do to keep you going. Don't study them. You are just as precious and valuable.

Also, please don't resent your brother if you can.

Your life is your own. Do what makes you happy. You do not need anyone's approval to live & exist or for anything for that matter.

There may be people outside of your biological family who may become your family in the end. It hasn't been long enough for it to end yet. Some different may just come in your future.

Do your best to ignore them, please.
~Crystal

I'm not exactly digging myself out of the hole but creating a tunnel to get out another way. Throwing dirt from one end of the pit to the other isn't going to get me anywhere. Instead, I'll create my own path.

kittycatlover
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:48 pm
Location: Texas

Postby kittycatlover » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:26 am

MintSnowflakes,

How old are you? Are you in school?

Is there anything you can do to create your own life and new friends? Such as, join a new group?

One thing that I know for sure: When people are excluding you and treating you badly, you must NOT try to "make deals with them" or "Try harder" to get their approval. It only makes it worse.

I don't know why this is happening in your family. Does anyone in your family drink or take drugs? Has there been other kinds of abuse?

It sounds like, from your description, that somehow you have ended up as a scapegoat,

Here is an article about this:
http://lightshouse.org/lights-blog/outc ... z2dkH2Tvl5

Your family is NOT healthy or they would not treat you this way. Therefore, they are dysfunctional. In a dysfunctional family, they always try to blame someone for their dysfunctions. It sounds like that's you, in this case.

I am going by what I read in your post, which is not a whole lot.

I hope this makes sense.

Recognize that THEY have problems and are not addressing them, and so they project upon YOU their shame and anger and so forth.

Your best bet is to develop relationships somewhere else.

I don't know how close you are to being able to get out on your own, but that would probably be a good choice. Or if you have another family member who is not mean that you could talk to.

I hope this helps, at least a little.


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