Body image
Posted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 1:16 am
I know this may the wrong place to put it since it in a way is not depression, but for me it's one of the factors that leads to depression.
Lets face it, I hat my body. From the front i'm fine, not very curvy though, tall and wide body frame, not bad but I still feel kinda gross. When I turn around to the side, i'm disgusted. I look at how awful I look. My gut is discusting, my back is fat and huge, and my butt is tiny. I hate it so much. Whenever I look at pictures taken of me at this akward, I want to cry. When I look in the mirror at p.e. I hate myself so much. This all started in freshman year. I had allways hated my body, but never to this extent. I was at this school filled with people I did'nt like. A bunch of these girls would follow me around and poke fun at me, calling me fat and ugly. This one time they took picture of me when I least expected it. They then posted it on facebook. Person after person liked the picture and commented horrible things about me. Things about how huge I was, Who would ever kiss me?, I'm so gross, ect. I saw that picture and broke down. I hated myself. I was fat and ugly and humilated. I thought back on of all the things I did that year and how horrible I must have looked. I thought that if I was fat and ugly, I was'nt allowed to do those things because I would look stupid. So I decided to lose weight about 40 lbs. I was previously was 5ft 10in and was 240, then I was about 180. Time later I started my Junior year I went changed schools and later fell into a depression (explained in one of my previous posts) I wanted to lose more weight and be skinnier, but the more I tried, the more I failed and ended up gaining 10 lbs (and no i'm not doing muscle exercises/lifting/gaining methods of any kind). So now since i'm not skinny enough I can't to outgoing or fun things, I have to be modest. I don't know why my my mind is like this.
EDIT: This is kind of crazy, but after reading my own words and absorbing this, I think this could maybe if not a large contributed, the main cause of my depression. Crazy how just typing things out can makes you realize vital things.
Lets face it, I hat my body. From the front i'm fine, not very curvy though, tall and wide body frame, not bad but I still feel kinda gross. When I turn around to the side, i'm disgusted. I look at how awful I look. My gut is discusting, my back is fat and huge, and my butt is tiny. I hate it so much. Whenever I look at pictures taken of me at this akward, I want to cry. When I look in the mirror at p.e. I hate myself so much. This all started in freshman year. I had allways hated my body, but never to this extent. I was at this school filled with people I did'nt like. A bunch of these girls would follow me around and poke fun at me, calling me fat and ugly. This one time they took picture of me when I least expected it. They then posted it on facebook. Person after person liked the picture and commented horrible things about me. Things about how huge I was, Who would ever kiss me?, I'm so gross, ect. I saw that picture and broke down. I hated myself. I was fat and ugly and humilated. I thought back on of all the things I did that year and how horrible I must have looked. I thought that if I was fat and ugly, I was'nt allowed to do those things because I would look stupid. So I decided to lose weight about 40 lbs. I was previously was 5ft 10in and was 240, then I was about 180. Time later I started my Junior year I went changed schools and later fell into a depression (explained in one of my previous posts) I wanted to lose more weight and be skinnier, but the more I tried, the more I failed and ended up gaining 10 lbs (and no i'm not doing muscle exercises/lifting/gaining methods of any kind). So now since i'm not skinny enough I can't to outgoing or fun things, I have to be modest. I don't know why my my mind is like this.
EDIT: This is kind of crazy, but after reading my own words and absorbing this, I think this could maybe if not a large contributed, the main cause of my depression. Crazy how just typing things out can makes you realize vital things.