looking for advice!

[seven]

Hi there everyone

Going through a tough time right now, and I'd like some advice, mayve share some experiences. My outlook right now is pretty bleak. I feel anxious really, really often, from when I wake up to when I go to bed.

I recently came out of a long term relationship. She wanted to settle down, I didn't know what I wanted so couldn't commit, and we drifted apart. I feel like I let things slide, that I couldn't grow up and commit to her and have a happy family life, because I was scared. Eventually it fell to her to force a commitment, and I couldn't do it. She was right to do force the issue, she knows what she wants, whereas I just drift about. She loved me, truly, and I couldn't commit to her. It was me who forced us apart. I just couldn't make myself want what she wanted. All that time, all that history, gone. I'll never get that time back.

I lack meaning in my life. I just don't see anything as important, nothing has much meaning for me. I have ideas about projects, things to do, painting, exercise, but I can't seem to get anywhere. Even if I did, well what then? If I complete a painting, so what? If I write a song, who cares? I feel like it was only her validation that made things worth it. The projects in themselves mean nothing. I know the only way to happiness is to validate myself, to love myself, but I just don't feel it. I just don't love myself at all.

I want to clear this knot from my gut. I'm so anxious all the time. I'm so tired. I look back at what I had and it feels so awful. I've been like this for months. It felt a bit better in April, but this weekend was just dreadful, really horribly anxious. I had guests, and I played the game and chatted away, we went out for drinks. But all the while there was the churning in my gut, the anxiety, the stress, the thoughts of what I'd thrown away.

I feel like a complete fuck-up. I find it so difficult to be positive about the future. I focus always on the negative things, on how shit things are. I want to find some help with this, so find some way of seeing the positives in life, to see my future as being worth living. That's the advice I'm looking for. How can I clear my head of this bleakness and start feeling good about myself?

[true-blue]

the only advice i can give is what has worked for me and it may not help you? one never knows. i was in the same boat you were in and getting no where fast. i decided that if i didn't help myself no one was going to do it for me. so i called all our local hospitals and asked about intensive out patient programs. i found one that was just right for me and signed up pronto.
my doc never mentioned this option but it has really turned my life around. they have morning, afternoon, and evening groups so anyone who wants to try it can. since joining i have come a LONG, LONG way!
i know it's not for everyone but for me it was just what i needed. now i have a little "hope" and that means everything.
good luck with whatever you chose to do. true-blue (Nora)

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((((( seven ))))))))))))))))))))

Don't have advice, can suggest proper professional help, a place to vent (like here and the chat room) and take the support you will receive to heart. We are all in the same boat and being there for each other is a great blessing.

Take care and hope to chat with you in room or exchange post here.

Warmie

[Franky18]

Hey well i know exactly how that feels i can tell you now, when your in the train of thought u CANNOT just get out of it. Maybe for a day or wotever but ur not gna be able to just DO summin or get advice cos nothing works. For me i had to get on tablets (i know alot of ppl are against em but they have really changed my life) i was under 18 wen i did so i had to go through the whole psychiatrist assessing me and stuff but for u they will put u on em straight away. I felt the difference after 3 days literally i suddenly felt numb... like tht sadness and hopelessness had gone, i felt kinda nothing? Like content, i didnt care if i sat at home watching paint dry... i just didnt care! It was really a turning point for me and it only got better. The thing is the things ur sad about are all true... and realistically u are right about painting or wotever.. so wot? wots one lousy painting gna mean or do? its a waste of bloody time! And too be honest doctors actually say tht depressives see the world for wot it is which is also true! But wen ur not depressed it doesnt BOTHER u, it doesnt rule ur life... and thts wot ur feeling now... these silly wots the point things are all valid and are true, but its the over thinking tht needs to stop! I used to not wanna go out cos i fort 'well im gna be home again later so theres no point in going'. And the ONLY thing tht stopped tht was me getting on medication. Give it a go if its not for u then u can stop any time.

[MoMac]

((((((((((((((((seven))))))))))))))))). I've also felt there's no point to anything and I found medication really helpful but more than anything talking and sharing experiences has helped me a lot I just wouldn't have been able to without the pills. I don't know if this will help you too but there are a lot of alternatives. You just have to search for them.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( seven )))))))))))))))))))

Just wondering how you are doing. Remember we do try to give all the support we can. Take care please and continue posting.

Warmie