Depression Understood Forums

After briefly scanning these forums, I was pleasantly surprised at how active and reassuring this online community is. I feel that I am able to share my problems with you, which I wouldn't be able to, or feel comfortable doing in real life.

I am a 21 year old man currently in the second year of a music degree. I have been consistently depressed for around three years now to varying degrees, and I have had anxiety issues throughout adolescence (occasionally taking up to a week off school as a result), which has directly interfered with my social and school life. I am not sure of the exact reason for this ongoing depressive state; I come from a middle-class background, with caring parents and very few family issues, leading a moderately sheltered life.

One possible reason is that I have had almost no intimate experiences with the opposite sex, and there have been several occurrences of unrequited "love" in high school which would leave me feeling down for a few weeks maximum. I also haven't had a close female friend for around three years now, and it is rare for me to spend more than five minutes with a girl at any time, which I would like to change but anxiety and low self-esteem take hold. I am moderately attractive, and girls generally have no problems with me, but I am just hopeless with anything intimate. I don't think that anyone who knows me would describe my personality/behaviour as mellow or anxious, rather, I am seen to be humorous but aloof and maybe a little careless and lazy, which in my teenage years made me subjected to my peers jokes and taunts; whilst still being a respected member of the social group, I was not taken very seriously by many of my friends. Although it was hardly bullying, this did not help my confidence within the group. I currently have a fairly small number of friends at university (~10 to 15), who I get along with very well, and although I still retain my high school traits, I think that people can take me more seriously these days.

I have smoked a lot of cannabis, starting when I was fifteen, eventually forming a a daily habit by the time I was eighteen. Since studying at university, I have managed to cut down significantly, but still crave either cannabis or alcohol most evenings. My abuse of substances may well have worsened my depression, but I believe they are also a result of the illness in the first place.

For years I have disregarded my depression as merely laziness and other undesirable personality traits, but paired with poor concentration and organisation (which I have battled with my entire life), it is really getting in the way of my work and this low productivity further accentuates the problem. I am also dissatisfied with enjoyment of life in general, and often have feelings of self-loathing and guilt for my family. I will rarely feel noticeably happy or emotional unless I am consuming drugs or alcohol, or if I am in the right frame of mind to express my emotion through music. I will otherwise feel largely emotionless or experience mild dysphoria. I have come here for some honest advice from people who have experienced similar things, can empathise, or have a level of professional expertise. Thank you very much for reading; I look forward to any responses.

Hey, i am 16 from the UK, your story is very similar to mine apart from the cannibis and the music degree and the friend at school, dont start thinking "this guys hormones are just playing a part" because they aren't, i have felt the same as you for about two or three years and its still ongoing, ive kept it all bottled up inside me, dont worry, youre not the only one.

Not a pro, but here are a few comments based on my past experience.

That fact that you are still in school is a good sign. I used to have trouble concentrating as well - turned out it was due to deficiencies in neural transmitters which is now controlled via meds. It doesn't appear as though you have this problem, but as I said, I am no pro.

Regarding the opposite sex. Have you considered a group therapy session in Assertiveness Training? Your university probably runs them for students and staff. People with various interpersonal problems usually attend, including some having trouble relating to the opposite sex. What happens is that you describe a problem area, the therapist or others in the group model the behaviour you would like to perform, and then you practice it with other group members. People are usually very supportive and encouraging.

Emil

HI there!

I can sure relate to your experiences.

I am new 2 the forum ...

This page has helped me -

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

Best of luck!

For starters, if it helps you any to know you're not the only one, I'm also 21, a college student, have suffered a steady depression for about three years, and cope with my copious amounts of self-loathing with alcohol. From the rest of your post, it sounds like we've had similar experiences.

I always thought eventually it would go away on its own, I was just being stupid or lazy and it'd pass. But it didn't, it hasn't, and it might've done more damage than good to have let it be for so long.

So I went to a therapist for the first time today. It was indescribably difficult, for someone like myself, who'd rather let it alone and not talk about it ever (ever ever ever ever ever) (ever) and who hates talking about herself. But I went, and as much as I hated it, it was the right move.

I'd recommend it, very much so, particularly if you've been struggling for so long. Anhedonia, disruptive anxiety, inability to concentrate (especially as a student, holy god) don't exactly make life enjoyable. In my humble opinion, counseling sucks, but it's absolutely the best move you'll ever make.

As a side note, if you do see someone about depression or anxiety or what have you, and you're nervous, a shot or two beforehand might help (it did me).

Jo_, your response was great, IMO but the suggestion to take a couple of hits of booze before therapy is bad. If you hinder your ability to invest 100% of your effort in therapy you are cheating yourself and wasting the shrinks time. I know you know this.

Your "counseling sucks, but it's absolutely the best move you'll ever make" is one of he truest statements I've read in a long time.