What if I don't want to change?

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Margaret
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 1:12 am

What if I don't want to change?

Postby Margaret » Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:16 am

I am 17 and recently talked to my mother (then my doctor then a counsellor) and was diagnosed with major depression.
My doctor said therapy would be most effective, the counsellor said my depression seems to be biological.
The counsellor told me I can change my brain and 'take back my mind'. If I 'look for joy" and be 'mindful' instead of getting caught up in my thoughts, I can change my brain chemistry and personality.
Sure, it may make sense biologically speaking, but what if I don't want to change my personality?
I hate who I am and I hate being such a burden and I hate wanting to **** myself but I don't want to become another happy, mindless teenager/adult. I can't imagine it.
I want to get out of this depression but I don't find joy and I hate being around people. I try, but everything annoys me and irritates me.
I am also supposed to eat a lot more often and exercise regularly (even though I am practically overweight) but I get stomach aches and dislike team sports but don't have the motivation to exercise on my own.
I have another doctor's appointment in a couple days and have to book another appointment with the counsellor and I am dreading both immensely. I get flustered and nervous and end up just crying and not being able to say all this.
My mother keeps pushing and pushing charts and books and 'plans of actions' at me and it is making me so angry.
I don't know what to do- I am tempted to just pretend and act like I am better. I wish I never brought it up.
Any advice?

balcony
Posts: 1395
Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2011 9:46 pm
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Postby balcony » Fri Dec 14, 2012 7:07 am

HI Margaret, a strong hug. Maybe the doctor and counselor could consult with each other and come up with a united approach. I know from experience that it is super stressful when professionals disagree on diagnosis and/or treatment.

I don't think anyone want to change your "personality" I think the change lies in altering the thinking process. Our thoughts many times can influence our perceptions, feelings and thus actions.

Keep talking with your family and don't give up looking for answer and ways to feel better. You are not alone here and we look forward to heariing more from you. You might want to check out our Chatroom as well. Chat is another resource here at DU where you can talk with other people who are dealing with some of the same issues.

Take care and nice to meet you.


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