The start of another difficult day...
Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:23 am
I am going to do something I rarely do -- try to be brief and to the point.
I am a 38 year old mother of 5 ages 12, 11, 9, 7, 5.
I have had depression since I can remember.
My mother is detatched, type A, competed with me (had her own issues that are understandable given her past)
I am a recovering anorexic and have ADD.
I am raising 5 kids who are all dealing with different learning and emotional difficulties. I am loving them with everything I have and know they truly feel loved.
I am VERY bad at the teaching them how to do the daily life stuff well. I feel it eating me alive on a daily basis. I procrastinate, avoid, get sucked in by being overwhelmed and depressed and can't seem to figure out how to get myself through the daily struggles. Now I am trying to help and guide 5 others through life and teach them how to live. It seems just so wrong somehow. I don't know what I was thinking having kids when I can't seem to manage well myself.
I have lost most to all of my support circle due to friends being moved or transferred. I don't dare just share with anyone. Can anyone relate?
I have worked hard all these years to fight off the desire to just be done with life and end the pain. At this point, I know that I have to make things work for the children I love so much. It's just even more overwhelming when I feel such emmense responsibility for their lives and struggle to find hope in my own. I'd love some feedback if you can give it. Thank you for your time.
I am a 38 year old mother of 5 ages 12, 11, 9, 7, 5.
I have had depression since I can remember.
My mother is detatched, type A, competed with me (had her own issues that are understandable given her past)
I am a recovering anorexic and have ADD.
I am raising 5 kids who are all dealing with different learning and emotional difficulties. I am loving them with everything I have and know they truly feel loved.
I am VERY bad at the teaching them how to do the daily life stuff well. I feel it eating me alive on a daily basis. I procrastinate, avoid, get sucked in by being overwhelmed and depressed and can't seem to figure out how to get myself through the daily struggles. Now I am trying to help and guide 5 others through life and teach them how to live. It seems just so wrong somehow. I don't know what I was thinking having kids when I can't seem to manage well myself.
I have lost most to all of my support circle due to friends being moved or transferred. I don't dare just share with anyone. Can anyone relate?
I have worked hard all these years to fight off the desire to just be done with life and end the pain. At this point, I know that I have to make things work for the children I love so much. It's just even more overwhelming when I feel such emmense responsibility for their lives and struggle to find hope in my own. I'd love some feedback if you can give it. Thank you for your time.