Happy Boxing Day!

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hey lisa ,,busy day today ,,making a nice mothers day for fran ,,ive been tidying the garden its been sunny here today ,,ive painted the bathroom ,and we went out to next and treat her a little ,,,how are you feeling lisa ,,not to bad i do hope ,,,just look after yourself lisa ,,talk when your ready ...we,ll all be around ,,,,hugs (((((lisa))))),,,lots of love ken xxx

[lisalou]

Today has not been a good day for me and nor have the previous ones no matter how much I try and try and keep pushing myself to go out and do things even when I really can't face it. Am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow so will discuss meds then.

Thank you so much again Ken and Mich for your posts to me,it is always a nice welcome to log in and catch up

I feel really unbalanced, mainly very depressed but with real bouts of irritability,lots of self-hating and self-harming thoughts. Yesterday I smashed a glass as I was feeling so frustrated and desperate and angry with myself,but then I just had a huge mess to clear up and I was terrified by how much I felt like cutting myself with the pieces of glass.

I'm so exhausted even though I'm sleeping about 10 hours a night, I just can't keep awake. This is a blessing in a lot of ways though. I am still eating way too much and putting on weight and I don't know how much of it is the Mirtazipine and how much of it is just me binge-eating on comfort things like chocolate and cake because I'm so miserable. Most of my clothes don't fit anymore but I did buy a couple of things in my new size yesterday which are pretty and make me feel a tiny bit better about myself

I feel really bleak and useless and hate myself so much. My concentration and motivation are really really poor and I'm still finding it hard to spend much time on here and I feel really guilty and selfish for neglecting my friends

I still love you all

Lisa xxxxxx

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shit lisa im so sodding angry that the darkness is doing this to you ,,i know just how you feel i wish i could take it away lisa ,,you know i would ,,dont hurt yourself lisa ,,just turn your back on those thoughts ,,that what the demon wants you to do ,,to lose sight and take a wrong turn on the dark road and hurt yourself ,,be strong lisa im praying and wishing good things for you ,,,i talk again tommorrow and every day till you feel better ,,,
hugs (((((((((lisa )))))))))),,,lots of love ken xxx

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Hello (((((lisa))))),,really hope your having a better day ,,,just letting you know im thinking about you ,,,please be strong and brave lisa ,,no harming yourself ,,,hope to talk soon ..please take care hugs (((((lisa)))))
lots of love ken xxx

[Mich]

(((((Lisa))))) I am so glad you did not harm yourself with that glass. I understand the self-hate thing all too well and just wish that you could see yourself as I see you. A beautiful soul, warm and caring....that is how you are to me. Please don't apologize for not being here. We understand how hard it can be to get here. I just want you to know that I think of you a lot and hope that things start to feel a little better for you day by day. It is good that you went out and bought yourself some pretty new clothes. I am glad that you gave yourself this bit of self love and caring. Always with you, your big sis, Mich

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Goodnight (((((lisa))))),,,,take care ,,i wish for you a peaceful day tommorrow ,,and a break from the darkness ,,hugs (((lisa)))),,,love ken x

[xn728]

Morning (((((lisa))))),,,as the sun rises here this morning ,i will it to be a better day for you,,take care lisa and let ,a little sunshine appear in your life soon ,,,,,bye for now hugs (((((lisa))))),,,love ken xxx

[Mich]

((((((Lisa)))))) Good Morning. I wish for you some sunshine and warmth today. I hope your psychiatrist appt went well.

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hello ((((((((lisa)))))))),,my dear freind ,,did today go ok ,have you seen the doc yet ,,i wonder if your feeling any better ,i will wish again tonight for the light to reach you soon so you can return to your freinds ,,,
im losing faith very quickly ,but as i said i will talk to you ,,,so lisa its time to say GOODNIGHT ,,AND MAY TOMMORROW BRING YOU LIGHT INTO YOUR HEART AND MIND ,hugs (((((lisa))))) love ken xx,,,night

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Morning lisa cant really say much just now take care today hugs (((((lisa))))),,love ken ,xx

[Mich]

((((((Lisa))))))) Good Morning from Canada! I hope you are doing well today. Have you been able to wear your new clothes yet. I got myself 2 new t-shirts for spring yesterday. Nothing fancy at all but at least I can present myself in something new!

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hi (((((lisa)))))),,hope your doing ok ,,ive been to work today nothing much happening ,,the weathers nice and mild isnt it ,,,sunny and a little warm ,,i think were both in for some rain tommorrow ,,,it gets to you first then spreads up country ,,,stay safe lisa ,,,speak to you later ,,hugs (((lisa))),,,love ken xx

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Hi (((( Lisalou )))), don't feel guilty about " neglecting your friends ",
taking time-out for yourself isn't " neglecting " anyone.
And you're certainly not " useless ". For only one thing, the contributions you've made to this site, ( And, thereby to my own recovery. ) prove that you're not useless!
Like (((( Mich )))) I'm so glad that you didn't harm yourself with that glass. Please take care of yourself. ( Don't make me come over there and nag.....!!!! I'm a minor-bureaucrat so I know how to nag! )
Seriously though folks, hang in there, y'hear?!

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goodnight lisa ,let the darkness lift for you soon,,so you may see more cleary ,,hugs ((((lisa)))),,,,,KENNY X

[lisalou]

Once again, thank you everyone for your loving posts, good to hear from you Tacking, maybe I just need a bit more Welshness in my life!!! Mich, i'm glad you have treated yourself to some new clothes. Ken, thanks so much for always being here and your daily comments

Yesterday I felt a little better and had some friends over for a little while but today the same old blackness is back. No matter how much I try to do things to make me feel better and keep busy and positive, the depression always sucks me back down again.

Saw my psychiatrist Monday who agreed that the whole mirtazipine experiment has been a bit of a failure and they have prescribed me agomelatine instead which is a very very new antidepressant so I am a bit of a guinea pig. Squeak squeak!

Oh dear.......