Everyday life. How was your day?

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Postby Theonlyme » Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:34 am

I dont know exactly what to do here. Im 22 years old and have been struggling with this since i was 11. Ive just been having a hard time recently and i dont know where else to go. I went from feeling like i could take on the world to being the most empty shell of myself. I have never understood why it is that this happens to me so frequently. Ive tried being positive and sometimes it works for a day or two if not an hour max. I cant seem to escape this feeling like im nothing, everyone hates me, and ill never be happy. Im afraid of medication and my anxiety keeps me far from any doctors. Am i alone? Is there anyone who can relate that can honestly tell me it gets any better than this?

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Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am


Postby Spleefy » Sat Nov 09, 2019 5:00 am

Hi Theonlyme,

You are certainly not alone. I’m sure many people here can relate to how you are feeling, including myself.

I felt like I was nothing and life would always be painful. I dare not repeat the thoughts I had of myself and the way I felt lol but it was ugly. I felt this way about myself and the world for well over a decade before those type of feelings subsided and became much less frequent.

Being “positive” is fine. I do believe in positive thinking, and I practice this myself every single day from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. I do not allow or give permission for negative, self-defeating thoughts to enter my mind. If they do, as they inevitably will from time to time, I replace them with constructive thinking.

But in my view, positive thinking alone is inadequate. We need to also do positive behaviors. Both positive thinking and positive behaviors should coexist. They work better together like a person walking on two legs instead of one.

The problem I encountered in my own experience with mere positive thinking is that I had a chemical imbalance. Not enough serotonin, dopamine, etc., meant that I would naturally feel flat, depressed, hopeless, unmotivated, fatigued, and even suicidal.

So while I had a chemical imbalance, it was going to be virtually impossible to have a lasting impact from positive thinking alone. It was going to be impossible to actually believe the positive words from my mouth. I would say one thing but feel completely the opposite. The positive talk made me feel like a fraud or that I was just lying to myself. I could not, for the life of me, shake off how I felt, no matter how much I tried to say otherwise... ARGH!

But once I corrected my chemical imbalance with diet and exercise, I began to naturally think positive or, rather, like a healthy person. My thoughts corrected itself by default because my brain was making adequate amounts of the chemicals we need to feel happy, motivated, positive, and energized.

Another thing that I found necessary was to behave my way to a better life. My thoughts were a mess, so it was too high risk to think positive and hope things would fall into place thereafter.

I knew I had to take action and behave my way out of my darkness, regardless of my negative thinking, depression, anxiety, etc. Positive thoughts became easier to generate via this route.

With my severe anxiety, for example, I was too anxious to even walk to my letterbox. I didn’t think my way out of anxiety or use positive affirmations...

I took action and behaved my way out of it.

Thinking alone doesn’t get results—taking action is what will achieve results. So I applied this reasoning to my own depression and anxiety experience with great success.

Mind you, for many years I did take action. I studied, I worked, I wrote poetry, I kept the house clean, got into a good routine, exercised, did my best to socialize, etc. For some reason it had little positive impact. But I did hang in there. I kept trying new things until I found the best combination of actions that worked for me. But I do know that, at the end, things got better the moment I stopped trying to think positive and instead just took positive actions each day. I think, if my memory serves me correct, I actually just gave up trying to think positive altogether, but I also didn't allow myself to dwell on negative thoughts.

It's like my garden. I can think positive and say there are no weeds in the garden, but there will be weeds and I'll have to eventually get out there on my hands and knees and pull them out.

As for medication… that is a personal choice. I have tried synthetic antidepressants in the past. Several years ago, doctors handed them out like candy—they probably still do! Medication can help manage symptoms, but they don’t deal with the cause. So we need to still take action and work on ourselves, with or without medication.

It does get better. But for that to happen, I would say you need to find out why you are feeling this way in the first place.

Like me, you may also have a chemical imbalance that is being counterproductive to your positive thinking efforts and making you feel like crap.

Perhaps set aside time each day to work on yourself. Do some self-analysis. Track down why you feel this way. Only you will know why you feel this way. Are you unfulfilled? What was your life like growing up? Are you in a toxic relationship? Do you hate your job? Are you lonely?

It isn’t too difficult to track down the cause of our bad feelings. It’s just that many people don’t make the time to work on themselves and their own happiness as well as to keep track of progress in their lives to make adjustments where and when needed. It seems that we often get caught up with other responsibilities and put these ahead of our own happiness.

I think it is also important that we surround ourselves with people who will build us up, not drag us down. But more than this, we also need to be our own best friend, our biggest fan and cheerleader.

If you don’t already, try giving yourself abundant love every day. Let yourself know how much you are valued. Tell yourself everyday. Show it to yourself. Let’s put it this way, if you was to show someone you loved they are valued, what would you do to show them? Give them a gift? Tell them? Hug them? Take them out somewhere special? Spend a lot of time with them?

Do these things for yourself as you would someone else you love. Heck, I give myself a hug each day! It feels so good and reassuring. Doing this won’t “cure” you, but it will establish a strong foundation that will enrich your life.

I hope sharing my thoughts and personal experience will help you some way in your own experience.

As I said, it does get better once you track down the cause of these feelings and correct them. Life is managed, not cured. So keep working on yourself in all aspects of human functioning: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, your social life, your work life, everything!

Invest in yourself and It’ll pay HUGE dividends!
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

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