Need Help on what to do

[daviecee]

ever since i could remember i have felt detached from society i feel anxious when in social enviroments i dont feel as though i can join in on conversations and when i do i feel myself being overly critical of what i say and in turn criticise myself.
I often make excuses or even lie so i dont go anywhere social with people i feel its getting worse as i have failed to go back to college and i have no reason why i just cant seem to get up in the morning am not eating the way i used to.
i have been suffering some sort of attack i feel smothered and my heart races and just generally feel as if am in a dangerous situation when i'm not.

I just need help on what to do about this

[aim]

Hi daviecee - you've definitely come to the right place for support. I am not a doctor, but it does sound like you are suffering from major anxiety. I went through many of the symptoms you are experiencing now, and it terrified me! It began with anxiety, went into agoraphobia, and then finally settled in clinical depression. It was finally when I became depressed that I was able to seek help. I had the love and support of my family - do you have people in your life that can help you, daviecee?

I have to tell you that this all happened to me when I was 22... turned into a full-on nervous breakdown. I went to the doctor, got some medication, and began therapy. As soon as I found the root of my problem, I slowly began to heal and rejoin society.

Please know that anxiety/depression is not easy, but you can get out of it, ok? It is now 11 years since my breakdown, and I am much better today. I do suffer from pretty intense anxiety sometimes, but I am on anti-anxiety meds, and they help me see things much more clearly and rationally.

Have you looked into seeing a doctor? Trust me when I tell you that battling this alone, without any professional help and personal support, is a very intense uphill fight that no one should be expected to do.

[jer]

Hi Daviecee,

Your problem is a mirror image of mine.
Aim is right about seeking professional help. Please do so.

In addition to depression , generalized anxiety and other things, you are describing social anxiety.

My doc had mentioned 3 types of meds which can be used in combination or by itself.

They are -
1. MAOI (eg - Nardil , Parnate )
2. Benzodiazepam (Klonopin)
3. SSRI(Prozac, Paxil)

BUT IT IS UPTO YOUR DOCTOR TO PRESCRIBE WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.

Wish you the best. In most cases it is curable.

Also observe what situations cause you the most distress and try to avoid it till you have found a solution . That will reduce the frequency of your problems. I guess that is easier said than done.give it a try though.

[Aurelia5]

Hi D ~
I normally will give a person in your spot a big long letter of encouragement, suggest all sorts of things to fix the problem, and add a life example here and there, but to be totally honest, Amy said ALL of it better than I could even dream of. Go back to her answer and do exactly what she recommended. She's 100% right.

Keep us posted. We, as you can tell by Amy's letter, care about you.

A5

[Monty]

Hi Daviecee,

In reading the replies to your inital posting, I am in complete agreement with what you have been told.

Withdrawing from the world is definately not a good thing. Can tell you that with complete assurance, because I did that myself.

The anxiety bit me hard. It started that I just avoided social situations with people that I wasn't too familiar with, then I started avoiding friends. Family was next on the list, even my children. I ended up spending the good portion of a year, just in my own room. Like I said I had kids, so I would get out of bed to make them supper in the evening, wouldn't even stay to eat with them. I loved them dearly but all I wanted to do was to get back to the safety of my room.

When it got to the point that I had agoraphobia so intensely, that I even avoided being with my kids unless I was in the safety of my room. I was aware enough, that I knew I was in way over my head.

I was fortunate that I was under a physicians care already, so with a lot of work I was able to beat it.

The reason for this long missive, is that I would definately agree with the others in saying that you should get some kind of medical opinion and what you should do with this. There is help out there, because a lot of people have suffered from this kind of stuff before and a good doctor will help you return to a life (I don't use the word normal because I have been told that normal is just a setting on the clothes dryer) that is a good one. One that you deserve.

Please keep us posted on how things are going with you. It doesn't matter if you are just new here, or have been around for a long time. You got a instant, large supportive group behind you. Venting is so often, theraputic.

Keep writing. From experience I can tell you that it will help. Don't want to push you though. Write when you are ready but don't worry about posting too often. We are all here to help each other.

[crystalgaze]

Hi Davie! It might be a good idea to get a medical opinion as was said in an earlier post. Go for it!

What you described is similar to how I feel as well. I know I am isolated from society, which is my own doing but is for a good reason. I am often anxious in social environments. I will either talk too much or too little or say something that people don't really want to hear. [Oops!]

I've had a hard time going back to college, too. It is what it is right now but I haven't given up yet. [Oi.... Es lo que es.]

I used to have trouble getting up in the morning & eating properly as recent as late last year. Oh man, I used to have to force myself to eat. I also ate of my own accord after I got sick a few times.

My stomach would be so upset with me! It was the worst, so after seeing the consequences, I just sort of said to myself, "No, you don't want that..."

I am a little better now. I'm not a doctor, but drinking tea [green, black, white, oolong or red] worked for me. If you can't have any caffeine, then red (rooibos). I always have my stash of green + black tea in the house.

For my nerves, I'd make some chamomile or sleepy time or bed time or some kind of mint [peppermint, spearmint, or just plain mint] tea. I did that for a bit [maybe a month religiously] & then had enough energy I started going for a walk.

Exercise & tea did the trick for me. I drank other teas, such as rosemary & lavender, 'cause there was some in the backyard. Other teas I got I ordered from an online store.

As for the attack, that's happened to me. When I get one now or just feel stressed out, I grab for my lavender essential oil either straight or diluted in a carrier oil [jojoba, baby oil, etc.] . I will usually talk to myself in my head to sort of talk myself down from whatever it is. "You're not in any danger. It's okay. Calm down. It's okay. Relax. Breathe. Breathe deeply; slow it down a bit. (etc.)" Maybe I might sit still/lie down & do that.

I might even stretch or go outside & walk around for a bit. If I feel like it, I will throw on some music to take my mind off of whatever it is. I put on the goofiest music I can get my hands on & sing along with it or shout & move around. (The one track I like has a guy in the track who says "OH!" every now & then.) There's an endless supply in the video game genre [e.g. Street Fighter Ex Arrange] & I often almost die of laughter after doing something like that.

Before I got into essential oils [EOs], I would use Aveeno Oatmeal Lavender Lotion or the stress relief body wash or the one with lavender in it the shower or get some & use it as a hand soap. I'd wash my hands with lots of soap, so there are a lot of bubbles. Dry my hands, lotion them up, sit with my hands sort of together, enjoy the scent, think of something really pleasant [even if it's just "Oh, the lotion smells so good!", breathe & relax for a moment.

I happen to love lavender & am not allergic to it. Lavender is like what catnip is for cats for me.

I love incense & my attack got really bad one time I lit a whole bunch of incense sticks & cubes, smoked myself + the house & went outside for air + walked around outside. ~lol~ I don't recommend that one much, though; smoke is said to be a cancer-causing agent. I only did it 'cause I was desperate & felt like I was losing my mind that day. [I got spooked by the house & was too spooked to go outside at first or even open the door to let in breeze + light.]

Ah, this is super long....

[Monty]

Daviecee,

See that you have gotten several responses to your posting.
Actually I am probably not the best to give advice, because I am in one of those withdrawing modes myself.

It was a very difficult week, and the weekend was just too much.
I am refusing to talk on the land-line, and also won't turn on my cell phone. I am making it impossible for friends or family to phone, or even text me (I don't like the phone to begin with,much prefer people to text me instead).For me I know that I am just protecting myself.

I hope that both you, and I don't go too far with the isolating thing. I know from experience, that the more you withdraw, the harder it gets to come back to the real world.

My reason for retreating this time because I am scared. I am cancelling commitments left and right, and turning my back on my friends. You guys are the only ones that I am letting into my shrinking world.
I am not at the point of agoraphobia this time but I know that I am rapidly going that way.

When I was dealing with the agoraphobia, and anxiety, last time, I had to result to medication. It would get that I would hyperventilate and find it difficult to breathe. Often I couldn't figure out the reason why I was terrified, it just happened. I ended up having to take Ativan for those moments. Mine were short acting ones. Just put them under my tongue and they kicked in quickly. They eased off the pressure quickly and affectively.

I am on a total of 12 meds at this time and really don't want to have to take anymore than absolutely necessary. I have been through this many times now, each time seeming worse than the previous.

I didn't tell my story with the intention of scaring you. Far from it. I just wanted you to know that people that read these posts, have been experienced the same sort of feelings that you are having now.

I really agree with Amy. If you have the resourcesI think that it might be a good idea to seek out some professional help. You don't want to let things go too far. I got to the point that I was afraid of being afraid. I actually became paranoid. Afraid of the whole world.

Like I said I would encourage you to look for some kind of professional help. If you can't afford it, maybe your city has some kind of "help line". I have accessed them often (sometimes in the middle of the night, when I was most scared)It is true that not all professionals are created equal.

I, for one, want you to feel and be safe

[Aurelia5]

Hi D-

Here is something that works for me, because I get in that same way - won't call anyone, won't answer the phone, won't look at the computer for days.

I just go outside. I just go right outside the door and stand there and look around. And then I go right back in. But I feel better - less scared. It always turns out to be worth the fear it took to do it.

Then, if that worked, I'll go for a ride in my truck - get physically away from the fear and anxiety that fills the house. Once I'm out, seeing that there is a big world out there, suddenly everything isn't so scary. My truck was the vehicle of my dreams for YEARS and my husband got me one. Few things make me happier than riding around in my F-250.

But the idea is just to put one foot out the door. That's all.


I wish you the best of luck dear.


A5

[Aurelia5]

Monty dear

What has happened? Can you attribute your current state to any thing, or did it just come upon you like a fog? I know the feeling - being afraid of being afraid. But I have someone in the house. Is there a friend that understands you that can come over and sit with you? Do you have any Xanax? I can't remember, do you have any pets? God I wish I was there - if you wanted me to come in with you.

I can't live alone. For the years before I married Brad, I'd go out driving, or wheedle someone into taking me out to the bars. The idea was to get so drunk or tired that I could crash before I started getting lonely again.

Do you feel like talking about your week or the bad weekend? Did you read my thing about going outside? You said you live in a beautiful place, can you just step out for a second?

I also have SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder. I can't stand it when it starts getting dark. I'll turn on every light in the house. Or I'll go into whichever room Brad is in. I get incredibly lonely and have visions of being in that horrible place that I explained to Ken. That sensation of being totally alone in LA, at sunset in a bad part of town, with nowhere to go, no one to call, no one there. I see it in my head, like it is a picture superimposed on my real life. I can't explain it but to say I just feel horribly alone and desolate. You don't have that problem too, do you?

Well, there sure are a lot of us that care about you.


Never far,

A5

[Aurelia5]

Speaking of which,

WHERE IS AMY? I hate it when she's not here.

A5

[Monty]

a5,

I'll go and answer your post on my original post in New Member Introductions.

Hope all is going well Daviecee. Maybe we'll hear from you soon.

[aim]

I'm here, I'm here!!! Just been crazy lately with work and all... my job can eat me up sometimes, I'll tell you.

I have to travel to Florida from New Jersey (3 hour flight) for work on Monday, July 6. Ugh. I should have become a teacher like I had always planned. This job is a true life-sucking experience sometimes.

Anyway... sorry for the rant.

[Aurelia5]

Amy Sweetness~

That job of yours better be paying you enough. Or the benefits better be good enough. Like I told Monty, I get madder than hell when someone I care about is getting jacked around.

Your job sounds so miserable sometimes. Why do you stay with it? From what little I know about you, you could do anything you wanted. Being a social worker has got to be one of the least gratifying jobs out there. But I know there are good days, and there are special people that make it good some days. Is the unemployment rate high where you are? What exactly do you do at your job? Do you and Dakota live alone?


Well, happy fourth. OH! That's right! I forgot to wish everybody a happy July. I'll do it now. You are the very first to get it. That's good luck.

HAPPY FOURTH Sweety.

xoxoxoxoxox
A5

[aim]

a5.... thanks for your concern. The job pays well, and it does have gratification at times, but it really is totally miserable sometimes. Problem is... I need the money right now, so I can't really pursue what I suspect is probably my calling - teaching pre-school. I ran a day care center for quite a few years, but left when I got my bachelor's degree, because the pay was lousy, and there were no health benefits. Then I found children's services and I HATED it with a passion. Now, although I am still in children's services, I am an adoption specialist. It is better, but there are still moments, like when I have to fly to and from FL to NJ in one day that I wish I was doing something else.

Right now, Dakota and I do live alone. I am in love with a wonderful man, and we talk of getting engaged often. It is a long-distance relationship right now, which tears me apart sometimes because I miss him so much, but we do plan to be together for the rest of our lives. Perhaps, when we are living together, I'll be able to go back and start teaching... wherever we end up settling. Who knows, right?

Unemployment is high, and I am fortunate to have a job, I know. I am also fortunate to have my dog, and I am especially fortunate to be with a man as amazing as my boyfriend. I was in a terrible relationship for many years, and now, with this man, I finally realize what true, unconditional, selfless and gratifying love really is.

You have a nice holiday too... and thanks again. Felt good to get that out, actually! ((((a5)))))