Morning Blues

[FreeAsABird]

27/01/2016
08:51

Woke up this morning next to my beautiful boyfriend. I already knew how today was going to pan out. I could feel the urge to cry and throw things from the second I opened my eyes.

I tried to explain to him last night, I said "I don't think I will ever be truly happy" and he gave me a look like I'd killed a kitten. " well that's a bit disconcerting" he laughed nervously.

He's great. He truly is, but it isn't about him, I want to tell him how terrible it is. To have everything (which I do currently) and still feel this low. To have this constant battle between logic and feeling. Some days I cant stand in, I feel he isn't the one for me, that I could run off with someone or run and be alone. None of these feelings are true. I love him so much its painful. Some days I just want him to hold me and others I just want to be left alone.

My darling boy, I wish I could tell you thing and you'd understand, you'd be able to see my pain. I know you try so hard but its so difficult to explain to someone who doesn't feel it