newbie.. depressed (triggering material)

[boray]

Hi. I am new to this forum and I really like how active the members are..

First off, I've suffered from depression all my life... I've been through difficult times before.. Death of my dad who was the dearest love if my life... A divorce.. Etc.

This time I should be really thankful for my break up with a guy who was abusive to me, but I feel hopeless. I'm 34, successful professional with a great job, a great son, wonderful family (though they are thousands of miles away), few good friends. I am pretty attractive and seem like everything is doing well, BUT..

I've had an on and off relationship with this guy for 2 years.. I really care for him. He has hurt me multiple times, both emotionally and physically (a lot of bruises, threatened to kill me,threatened to rape me, etc) yet I keep getting back with him. I do love him and now that we broke up again, I feel happy coz I'm out of the chaotic relationship, but more sad because I don't have anybody and feel like will never meet anybody again.. I'm scared of being alone, and not comfortable being alone.. I keep praying, but I don't think He hears me...

I know my problem is nothing compared to most of the people here, but as most of the people here, I feel depressed and mostly just want to reach out with somebody.. I can't talk to my friends about this since they've told me several times not to get back with him, but I still did, without them knowing..

[Jalapeno]

I've never understood why people stay with someone who harms them, but I also accept that it's a complex issue. I will say this, though: Nobody deserves violence from the people close to them, and accepting it is saying that it's what your love is worth. There are so many people out there that it's nobody's only real option, but it's hard to meet new people if you're holding on to the old.

I'm still meeting people through college so I'm unsure of what people elsewhere do to meet potential dates, but you could ask your friends what's in the area and might be your style. Any social event is an opportunity to meet someone new, and if you're feeling courageous you could even try an online service for meeting people in the area. Some of them have better reputations than others, and I think there are even ones geared toward religion and spirituality.