New to the forum and needing some perspective

[astraldrift]

My name is Kim and I have been battling depression for a few years. Like most people with depression, I have difficulty being in a relationship. Within the last year, I have started a new relationship with a man who I strongly believe is "the one"...we are very much in love with each other and both have the feeling that this is it. I am so happy, and yet so unhappy. My depression comes in waves and has come crashing in recently, disrupting it all. He is so supportive and understanding, but is also a very sensitive man...a quality I love, but fear greatly. I snap at him and am so down that I can barely bring myself to have a conversation with him. He asks me how my day was and I can barely muster a response, partly due to the fact that my day was awful and I couldn't manage to do anything. I am finding I want to isolate as usual and am having a hard time staying with him... I want to push him away so badly sometimes. Part of the reason I consider leaving him is the fact that he needs someone to lift him up at this time in his life... his father and brother have both passed away recently and he is just starting a new, fresh chapter in his life. I see him gaining back his happiness and feeling of purpose in life, as I feel the opposite. The last thing that I want to do is drag him down with me and ruin the happiness he has worked so hard to find. I love him so dearly and am so afraid to hurt him and make him feel as awful as I do.

I know that relationships are a struggle for people with depression and so I am seeking a bit of support here... what should I do? Are there ways I can improve my relationship? Should we go down our separate paths? Any insight would be so, so appreciated...any personal experiences, anything. I'm very heartbroken to be at this point.

[astraldrift]

That did not sound right when I said that he has found happiness after his father and brother passed... I mean that he has been grieving for a long time and has just recently been able to start to come out of the other side of it. Just clarifying, don't want to make that sound terrible!

[PeaceLove]

((((((astraldrift))))) Its great to have you as a part of this community and to meet you. All relationships pose obstacles that must be overcome in order for it to blossom. The good new to it you are self aware of what you are doing instead of not seeing where the relationship is wrong. Maybe you could try counselling together or other means of getting any unreleased emotions into the open. I will be hoping for the best, and keep us posted.

Love,

PeaceLove

[astraldrift]

Thanks so much for responding, PeaceLove. I appreciate your advice and agree that counselling may be a good option...

[soul]

hi there, im new to this comunity too. i think that you have found a good person, if you were to leave him i think you would hurt him more then you could by staying with him (at this point at least) i would advice you maybe to be honest with him and tell him what you wrote down here...maybe not everything but part of it..i think you should try hard to communicate with him and tell him what you feel is going on, im sure it would make everything a bit better.

sincerely
soul