my life
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 8:25 am
as im new on here i thought i'd let u all know a little bit about me so here goes - i'm katy i'm 12 days away from my 27th birthday. i was diagnosed with depression when i was 21 after i took an overdose, over the years i have had relapses. i put on a front as a bubbly outgoing person to hide the real me. my family dont understand me at all, my mum looks at me with a dissapointing look on her face, the rest of my family pretend everything is fine and that there is nothing wrong with me. i spend most of my time sitting in my room trying to find things to do. the last 8 or so months have been really hard for me. i had a great friend and supported him throught his break up which took my mind off my depression i unfortunately fell in love with him which was completely wrong as i knew his ex, he didn't care about that though so we started seeing each other which was also completely wrong and by doing so i lost most my friends. at the end of november i found out i was pregnant and we were both happy or so i thought, a week after finding out i was expecting he cheated on me with his ex and broke up with me via text. he was with her a week and decided that i was the one he wanted so because i loved him i took him back (its amazing what we do when we're in love) we spent christmas and new year together and things were great again or so i thought all through this time i knew the depression was there but ignored it and let it take over. on 20th january i was told that i had lost the baby in seconds my world came crashing down around me i told my boyfriend he was just as upset as me he came home from working away to be with me and then for the next 2 days he left me on my own to deal with our loss while he spent all the time home working on cars in the back garden. he was racing cars at the weekend and because i wanted to support him i went with him even though i was in pain both physically and emotionally. over the four days he was home we probally spent about 18 hours together. i was admitted to hospital a week after the miscarriage was discovered due to the amount of physical pain i was in, my treatment in the hospital was so awful i cried for the whole time i was there. i have only seen my so called boyfriend once since he left for work 6 weeks ago and he has apparently got a new girlfriend. i have not been able to go back to work since as my doctor feels i am not fit enough to go back so i feel even more isolated than i did before. none of the friends i had left have contacted which proves that they werent really my friends to start with. throughout all this time i have had thought it would be better if i was not alive atleast i'd stop hurting and thats all that i want i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel its just a big massive black hole that gets deeper as the days past.
sorry if it bored you but thats me
sorry if it bored you but thats me