Depression Understood Forums

Hello again! So as I said yesterday I am back with some more time and I want to write something about myself. My name is Tiberiu, I am 32 years old and I am from Romania. My problems with depression, anxiety and panic attacks started about 2 years ago but I am still not sure exactly how or why. At present time I am a biologist working as a researcher and I study amphibians and reptiles, but mostly snakes.
Looking back at my life I see some major traumas that I have not managed to overcome: the death of my grand-grandfather when I was only 3, the death of my cousin (who was only a few month old) only a few month after my grand-grandfather had passed away, almost drowning in a lake at the age of 4, almost choking to death with some candy around the age of 6, a very serious car accident during high-school (I was not the driver) and 2 very serious snake bites during faculty. My PhD (which I finished in 2015) has also been a major source of stress for me. Another problem I am having trouble dealing with is social anxiety: because of my interest in amphibians and reptiles I have always been viewed as weird and marginalized. Almost all my life I have avoided talking about what I do and what I like. In high-school I mostly gave up on my interest for amphibians and reptiles in order to be treated as "normal". Socially my life has been up and down - I had a lot of friends before going to school and I felt like my world was torn apart the moment everyone started going to school, I lost most of my friends and only had 2-3 friends during school. In high-school I had a lot of friends again only to be separated when everyone left for college and I haven't recovered eversince. Not only that but I feel that my life has been on a downward spiral: I started loosing more and more friends and at the moment I only have my girlfriend and 0 friends or social contact; I am struggling alot to make new friends but it just seems very very hard and I feel so alone.
I think that's about it, thank you for reading!

Tiberiu, be proud of what you do - this is now your identity...you have completed your phd on something which you are passionate about - really does not matter what others think. coming to being social, i am pretty sure that there are many who work in your domain with a similar passion - you can start conversations with them. i also have an idea - since you feel isolated why dont you start a blog on your passionate area - this will fetch you fans not just in romania but world wide.

hope you're okay

yes, mournfang cav seem to be the go to unit for ogres, and the stay away from unit if your the enemy. What sizes do you guys run them in? 2/3/6?

Hi TiberiuSahlean,

Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself and your background. You have quite the past, but it also sounds like you have accomplished some things.

Your life sounds interesting. I can imagine how fascinating the amphibian and reptile world must be. Who said you are weird because of your interest in these fascinating creatures?

If amphibians and reptiles is your thing, then never let anyone make you feel indifferent because of it. Being “normal” is boring. Be YOU. Because there can only be one you, and you are the best version of you!

Besides, the people who have low opinions of someone because of their interests are probably not the associations you want in your life. Surround yourself with people who will build you up, not tear you down.

I do understand the social anxiety aspect can make it challenging to meet new people. What about the students who you studied with? At least you would have something in common with them.

I was in a similar boat with friendships. I lost friendships over time due to both moving several times and because of the depression and social anxiety. But once I cured myself of social anxiety things started to change, and I could start building a social network of good associations.

You will find such people when the time is right. And, hey, at least you have a girlfriend. I would love to have a special woman in my life, but where I live it is virtually a statistical impossibility. So the only way I will meet someone is just to put myself in the right place at the right time… or by some dumb luck bump into someone interesting in town But I keep hopeful and positive. You send out negative thoughts, you get negative results. Likewise, you send out positive thoughts and you get positive outcomes.

Perhaps your partner could help you to build a social network. When I had social anxiety, I felt more confident with a close friend or partner than I did alone.

Try to gain momentum. That is how I cured my social anxiety and depression. I just set small, achievable goals each day. First it was to walk to the letterbox and back (yes, my anxiety was that bad that I couldn’t even leave the house without almost having panic attacks!). Then gradually built it up to the shops to talking to people. I would force myself to say hi to strangers. Then after some confidence, strike small talk with them.

Now it just comes naturally and I meet all kinds of interesting people when I go to cafes or shopping or just out about in town. Ironically, however, I am not a social person, even to this day. I am introverted and feel most comfortable on my own or those I am very comfortable with so not sure how all that works. I think it is because, when I had social anxiety, I reprogrammed myself to more social, as I knew indulging in my hermit ways was self-destructive. It is still a work in progress, however. It can be easy to slip back into old habits if you allow it. So it is something I always need to be vigilant about to prevent it from happening.

Keep your head up, friend. Your situation will change. Rather than to focus on the bad things that happened in the past, live in the here and now, focus on what you want in life then set small goals to achieve those. Your past does not equal your future.

As for the past traumas... not quite sure how to overcome those. We all have them to an extent, some more than others. I usually just reason things out, put things into perspective, frame things positively, change things I can change and have control over, and accept what is for the rest. I also pray often and hand my anxieties and troubles over to Jehovah God. So much of my anxieties I don't need to carry with me and thus I can just focus on the more important things in life. These might be some ideas for you to play around with that may help you to let go of some past traumas.

My apologies if I spat out unsolicited suggestions. But I figured since you took the time to share your troubles, I would share some of mine and how I overcame them with hope that it might be of some value in your own life.

Once again, thanks for sharing. I like when people share their stories. I think it is very helpful for us because we don’t feel so alone in our experiences. It also helps us to reflect on our own lives. And it encourages us to think about how we can improve our situations, since we are all in a bad place and want to get some relief, and hopefully even thrive rather than survive.