100Footpole - Work and Play

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100Footpole - Work and Play

Postby 100footpole » Tue Feb 17, 2015 11:02 am

I haven't posted or logged on to depression-understood for at least a week. Frankly, I haven't thought about this site much since my last post. This morning I was lying in bed, hitting the snooze button, then going back into a relaxed REM sleep, when I remembered I hadn't posted here in a while.

My time on this site has decreased considerably since Christmas. I used to spend as much time in the forums as I wanted, and then I would go over to chat where I limited myself to 30 minutes at a time. Some days I would get on chat three times.

So, when I was dozing, thinking about what I might post, I came up with a definition of work and fun. Work is something that you do out of discipline. Fun is something you do until you run out of energy. Imagine yourself somewhere you want to be doing something you love: the beach, the mountains, a carnival, a pool, a river, a lake. Now imagine, that you've decided to stop doing what you were doing. Why did you stop?

When I'm depressed stopping becomes work. I need to eat, I need to rest, I need to catch my breath. But, I DON'T WANT TO. I'm like a child who is crying before their nap. The adult me makes myself do that thing I NEED to do... and sure enough I do feel better, but I don't feel happy.

Any advice I give on here is based on the idea that you can't be happy until you feel better. To me depression is part of me having an unreasonable tantrum. Coming on this site, for me, is like being in what I imagine nursery school is supposed to be like. Have you ever seen one three year old making another three year old feel better, or telling another three year old they don't want to do something because its bad? That's what I was thinking about this morning. That I haven't posted because now I'm acting like a kindergartner or first grader compared to my three year old self. I have responsibilities, and I'm doing them because I'm proud, and feel good doing them. It is work in that it is something I have to do, but its not something I have to make myself do.

After I write this I am going to go shovel snow. In fact I set a timer to limit how long I write this article to tell me when I need to kick my sense of discipline into gear. I have to work. That is like going into school and then having to do things after recess. You want recess to go on, but it wouldn't be school or recess if you didn't have a schedule.

My timer went off. But I want to finish up with why I wrote this. A lot of times all our three year old selves can see or understand is "It will get better." I'm writing now because I'm at one of the better parts. I will be depressed again, and you'll know because you'll hear a lot from me, but here in kindergarten we know that doing stuff we kind of don't want to makes the stuff we REALLY want to do that much more fun.

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Postby JonsDragonEyes » Thu Apr 02, 2015 5:52 pm

I hope you keep coming here. It wouldn't be the same without you.

love and hugs always
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! -- Rocky Balboa

Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Postby 100footpole » Tue Dec 08, 2015 8:50 am

Thanks Star.

I think of you often. Hugs.

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