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keer
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2014 7:38 pm

Me

Postby keer » Sun Sep 28, 2014 8:00 pm

Forty, military wife, mother of two daughters. First had suicidal thoughts in third grade, the age of my youngest daughter. I've always had depression, but didn't get help until after I was married and my husband insisted. In the last five years, I have also developed anxiety (partly as the result of some serious emotional abuse by a past boss, but let's not go there). This has made it difficult for me to hang on to a job (I always expect the worst of employers, because I have had the worst from employers), and part of my depression now stems from the fact that I am largely unable to use either of my university degrees in a manner in which I can help contribute financially to my family. This just further encourages the inner voice that has always told me I was a huge, useless piece of crap. The funny thing is, I am always the first to laugh at a joke, and I try so hard to find the positive side of things and to build other people up, but I think that by now, it is mostly for show. I don't feel the highs anymore. There is nothing to balance out the lows. I feel myself teetering on the edge again, and I am so afraid of falling. My kids need me. So I am white-knuckling hanging on. And even writing this down makes me feel like I am being a selfish tit - like, why should anyone care about how pathetic I am? You've all got your own issues, and sure don't need mine. But I just needed to say it all. Thanks for listening.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sun Sep 28, 2014 9:59 pm

Hi keer,
You're definitely not selfish, pathetic or useless.
You're HUMAN, and you have the right to your feelings.

Sure, others here have issues as well. But, there is a common camaraderie in sharing in one another's hardships. It allows us to feel needed, and brings healing when others care back.
You've come to the right place, where there's kindness- without judgment. No one thinks negatively of you, so no worries. :wink:

Feeling suicidal at such a young age must have been extremely painful! May I ask you why?
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Sun Sep 28, 2014 10:37 pm

Hi keer,
I meant to add this to the second paragraph, but for some reason, it skipped my mind.

Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ- Galatians 6:2

This is the type of site that helps like that. (although I'm unsure if they have any religious affiliation or not)
But, I've come out of some extremely rough times, with the moral support of some people here. It really helps to meet others who understand.
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.


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