Coffee7201 - Me

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Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:36 pm

Coffee7201 - Me

Postby Coffee7201 » Wed Sep 04, 2013 10:38 am

Hi Everyone:
I really don’t know where to start, so forgive me if I go all over the place. To start from the beginning, I have always had a low self esteem, from a very young age. I was molested when I was five, I am now thirty-seven, I have openly admitted this 2 years ago. My abuser was a tenant at my parent house. I have never shared this with my family, nor will I, as I know it would break my mother’s heart.

Growing up, I was always the shy girl. It was always so hard for me to make friends. I found that when I did make that one friend, for whatever reason, we always grew apart. I was a late bloomer; my first kiss was at nineteen my first sexual experience was at twenty. I always had this fantasy that I would fall in love with Prince Charming, have children and live happily ever after. That has not happened

Now at thirty-seven, I find myself single, alone and depressed, very depressed. I was deeply in love two years ago, with a man I thought was my soul mate, however, he didn’t see it that way, he ended up going on a dating site, finding a girlfriend (someone better then me), and dumping me. They are currently living together. Here I am two years later no better then I was the day after it happened. I suppose my ex-boyfriend validated all my fears … I am no good, there is always better. For most of the two years I was able to hide a lot of my emotions, whether I would go out, shop, and so on. In the past month or so I feel as though I am paralyzed to do anything. I have isolated myself, to the point where weekends come and go, and no one invites me to go out. I am not going say that I live my life, but rather I exist. The more isolated I find myself, the more depressed I get, and the more I feel, that I do not belong in the physical world. If no one calls me, then who will miss me… this is my train of thought.

I suppose what I am asking everyone is this … how do I change my way of feeling. I know most of you are going to say therapy, I have started this about a month ago, when I found out my ex was living with his girlfriend …. I was so devasted… and still am. I feel as though I am that forgotten girl, that girl that a man dates, before he meets the better girl. I feel as though I have been thrown out like a piece of garbage.

I just need guidance …

Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Wed Sep 25, 2013 7:17 am

Hi coffee;

I grew up assuming that what humans do is; grow up, get a job, get married, have kids, retire, die content. That hasn't worked out so well for me either. But the way my life has gone, I've spent more time reading than I ever though I would when I was is school. One reason is that, with the internet, finding something to read is a zillion times easier than my grade school teachers would ever have guessed.

But I digress. Thing is; I'm finding lots of great people who lived long ago knew that sex and security was really a consolation for being in a partnership. Being attached to another human being for life might seem like the ultimate (and sure, you save on groceries) but It's neither easy nor assured. In some ways, I think have a partner locks us into a role we need to fulfil, which makes personal growth that much more difficult. In your case and many others, my unprofessional opinion is, you have growing to do outside of a relationship; things to resolve within yourself.

This can still happen with a partner but it's easier (and sometimes only possible) on your own. So my point is that this is an opportunity, while your presently unattached, to delve into resolving some of your feelings unencumbered by concern for someone else's feelings and wellfare.

I apologize that it took so long to answer your post. You are a valuable person in your own right. It's not always necessary to look at yourself through the eyes of another person.
Winston Churchill was a pig headed war-mongering fight-loving Statesman who believed in negotiating as far as you could lob a bomb even though he practiced his speeches (every noun, verb, period and pause) for about an hour per sentence.

He was also a chronic depressive painter (hmm, I wonder what Van Gogh might have done as Prime Minister) who was out of sync with his time so they ignored him. Then he was in perfect sync with his time so they made him Admiral and Prime Minister. Then he was out of sync again and they left him behind.

He struggled with all of this and in the process helped win back the free world from eminent darkness.

I like his remark; “ Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

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