Poster child
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:55 am
My life history could be a poster child for depression. I could make my own commercial for the latest and greatest drug for anxiety, depression etc.
I believe my problems started in childhood. I was sexually abused (wow, now EVERYONE knows) as a child by my stepfather. No one believed me at first. Then my parents divorced, but it was because he was cheating on my mom, not because of the abuse. So with all that came depression, suicidal thoughts and guilt. Guilt because my mom still "loved" this monster who had abused me, and I felt that the divorce was my fault. I was happy that they divorced, because I would'nt be abused anymore. But sad for my Mom because she was hurt.
I got married right out of high school. Got divorced 5 years later. More depression more "what have I done". I was cheated on. We had 3 beautiful children from the marriage. I had the kids, and thats the only thing I think truely saved me. I had to focus on them, and not my emotional termoil.
Two years later I met a guy in the personal ads (never hook up with someone in the personals, no matter how desperate you think you are to date!) I was with him for three years. We were even engaged! I had a son by him. Then my world fell apart once again. Turning a long story short, he is a petafile. My kids were almost taken away from me, until everyone realized I had nothing to do with his horrible acts. The kids weren't touched, they were shown pornagraphic material and were being "groomed" for whatever, thankfully didn't happen. At this point the kids were in counseling, and it was decided that I should go through therapy with them. That was the first time I ever saw a therapist. It was the most wonderful, frightening, relieving, heart wrenching, sad, glad, mad, depressed, anxiety filled time of my life. I was forced to deal with my childhood sexual abuse. Up until that time only my Mom and sister knew. Now this "stranger" knew. It was out in the open. It wasn't festering in me anymore. This was the time I was full of anxiety and panic attacks. I didn't know at the time what an anxiety/panic attack was but I would sob uncontrollably and feel like I was going to suffocate to death. My therapist suggested that I get on medication for my panic attacks. She said we could also do some breathing and mental excersizes first to see if I could control them. After time these excersizes worked! I was glad because I didn't need to take meds. Thank you for letting me share!
I believe my problems started in childhood. I was sexually abused (wow, now EVERYONE knows) as a child by my stepfather. No one believed me at first. Then my parents divorced, but it was because he was cheating on my mom, not because of the abuse. So with all that came depression, suicidal thoughts and guilt. Guilt because my mom still "loved" this monster who had abused me, and I felt that the divorce was my fault. I was happy that they divorced, because I would'nt be abused anymore. But sad for my Mom because she was hurt.
I got married right out of high school. Got divorced 5 years later. More depression more "what have I done". I was cheated on. We had 3 beautiful children from the marriage. I had the kids, and thats the only thing I think truely saved me. I had to focus on them, and not my emotional termoil.
Two years later I met a guy in the personal ads (never hook up with someone in the personals, no matter how desperate you think you are to date!) I was with him for three years. We were even engaged! I had a son by him. Then my world fell apart once again. Turning a long story short, he is a petafile. My kids were almost taken away from me, until everyone realized I had nothing to do with his horrible acts. The kids weren't touched, they were shown pornagraphic material and were being "groomed" for whatever, thankfully didn't happen. At this point the kids were in counseling, and it was decided that I should go through therapy with them. That was the first time I ever saw a therapist. It was the most wonderful, frightening, relieving, heart wrenching, sad, glad, mad, depressed, anxiety filled time of my life. I was forced to deal with my childhood sexual abuse. Up until that time only my Mom and sister knew. Now this "stranger" knew. It was out in the open. It wasn't festering in me anymore. This was the time I was full of anxiety and panic attacks. I didn't know at the time what an anxiety/panic attack was but I would sob uncontrollably and feel like I was going to suffocate to death. My therapist suggested that I get on medication for my panic attacks. She said we could also do some breathing and mental excersizes first to see if I could control them. After time these excersizes worked! I was glad because I didn't need to take meds. Thank you for letting me share!
