So scared

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Ms. Lily
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:23 pm

So scared

Postby Ms. Lily » Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:56 pm

About a year and a half ago, I got off Paxil I had been taking for 6 or 7 years because I was having a hard time dealing with one of my children's problems. It was really hard to get off those meds even though I weaned myself off. I got very depressed among other things. However, I was determined not to get on SSRI's again and was finally doing better. Throughout all of this, my husband has always been there. He's my rock, my love, my best friend.
About 3 weeks ago, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. My world came crashing down. He's still undergoing tests and we don't yet know exactly what type of cancer or what stage it's at, but I'm having a really tough time dealing with this. Thankfully, at the present he's not feeling any pain. The cancer was found during a routine test and he has not yet had symptons. Although he was told it was fairly big (about 2 in.). I want to be there for him, I want to be strong, but I'm not doing a very good job. I thought I'd search the internet for information. Big mistake. I learned that the prognosis for lung cancer is not good at all. I keep thinking he's going to die and that I'll be alone. This a second marriage for us. We each have
2 grown kids. We've been together for 25 years. I'm having a hard time facing the idea of him suffering not to mention dying. In the meantime, I'm being a lousy wife. He's the one trying to be strong for me when it should be the other way around.
We will not know the results of all those tests for another month. In the meantime, I feel like I'm the one dying or even that I wish I were the one with cancer. That way the worse case scenario would be that I would die and would never have to worry or be depressed again.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing in this blog. Maybe I'm hoping someone will have gone through something similar and will have some insight or something I can hang onto.

Ms. Lily
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:23 pm

Postby Ms. Lily » Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:44 pm

I am not familiar with these blogs. Have I posted somewhere I shouldn't ? Went to see the new topics and I can't see this one. Could explain the no response.

Ms. Lily
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:23 pm

Postby Ms. Lily » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:06 am

Well... thanks a lot. Not one response.

be11a
Posts: 233
Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2010 9:17 pm

Postby be11a » Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:42 pm

Hi Ms. Lily -

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's sickness. Please don't believe everything you read on the internet - your husband's case may be very different. Each one is unique. Even though I am the pot calling the kettle black here, please don't worry before you need to. It may be there are effective treatments out there for him. Talk to the doctors who are familiar with your husband's case - if they aren't offering opinions on his prognosis it is likely because they don't have enough information yet.

I can relate to how hard it is to be the "strong" one. A couple of years ago I had a friend who became terribly ill. I was one of the few people who traveled to see him in the hospital. I held it together for the short periods I was with him, but it was really hard. When he eventually died, I fell apart. Then everyone had to be strong for me. I don't think it is always possible for us to be strong - if we were we would be inhuman. But the pain and the fear can be channelled into productive pursuits. Have you considered counselling to help you? If you are prone to depression it might be a good thing to help you deal with all the emotions that are bound to come bubbling up, and could help with the depression.

Sorry it took me so long to write. I only check the forum occassionally since I work long hours. I hope everything turns out as good as it possibly can for you and your husband.

Bella

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Wed Apr 13, 2011 1:33 pm

Hello Ms. Lily,

Welcome to the forums. Please know we have a chat room and a blog site connected with this forum.

Perhaps go one day at a time. Get the answers as you go by talking with the doctors. Be as strong as you can, when you can, it isn't an easy task.

I apologize for not responding sooner, I have been away from computer, helping a family member through some surgery. Responses aren't immediate in the forums. If you want to talk with others do try the chat room, always lots of people there.

Warmsoul

shatteredhopes
Posts: 664
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
Location: U.S.

Postby shatteredhopes » Wed Apr 13, 2011 4:09 pm

I know it can be frustrating in the forums because you don't always get a quick response. ((((((Warmie))))))) is right, you can always check out the chatroom too because there are always people there and you may find someone you connect with who has been through something similar and often get a whole lot of immediate support. Forums are good because they allow for more indepth posting and response, but they do take time because people log on at varied times and days and such so we don't always see the posts right away.

Having experienced a loved one with a grave illness, I can tell you it is so important to take care of yourself as best you can so you can be there for the person you love. I don't know what country you are in but for instance there are cancer societies and lung associations in the USA and often they will have local chapters or offices that offer support to the ill person and families. You may find a support group of others dealing with loved ones with cancer or lung issues.

I can understand your hesitancy to get back on meds, but if they helped before, you may want to talk to a doctor about them for dealing with this difficult time. If there were problemmatic side effects, maybe they could try a different med? I know for instance during the later stages of my father's alzheimer's, my mother took a small dose of zoloft. It may give you just enough help to better cope with this hardship and be there for your husband as he goes through treatment.

(((((((Bella))))))))) is right, please don't believe everything you read on the internet. You said they caught it before symptoms and often I know with lung cancer it is usually not caught until the later stages when people are already experiencing symptoms, which is why so often the prognosis is not good. But they caught it early, so there is very good reason for hope.

My thoughts are with you and we will be here for you if you want to keep us posted. The forums can be very helpful and supportive; they have been a lifeline for me and the chatroom can sometimes be helpful too. I do hope you'll try it.

Wishing you light and peace and hope in your day. Big big hugs.

Ms. Lily
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:23 pm

Postby Ms. Lily » Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:31 pm

Thank you all. I appreciate it. I am trying very hard to be positive. Some days are not bad while others are torture. I keep thinking of my life without him and it's not good.

My husband on the other hand appears to be coping much better than me, at least on the outside. He says things like "next year we'll ... " and I get this sinking nauseous feeling. Of course I just go along with what he says, but... I'm just so scared. He's almost done with the testing. Had his biopsie yesterday and everything went great. We won't know the results until May 10th.

When I was taking Paxil, I had no side effects but just didn't want to be on it forever. It's when I got off that many side effects started. I got on a blog for withdrawal symptoms of Paxil and let me tell you that the symptoms of withdrawal of most SSRI's are really scary.

Thanks again for the support.

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:27 am

((((((((((( Ms. Lily )))))))))))

Stay as strong as you can, all you can do. Being there for him, and him for you. Let us know what you find out.

Perhaps speak with your doctor, about your meds, seeing what they have to say. Some meds are hard to get off of, but with the professional help it is possible. Just a suggestion.

Good luck and will keep you in my thoughts.

Warmie


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