Alcoholic, depressed boyfriend with gaming addiction?
Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2020 8:13 am
Hello,
I am writing to try to get some light or advice with the situation that I am experiencing now.
My partner (31 from the US) and I (30, from Chile) have been together for 3 years. We live together for 2 years and he has been depressed for about a year already. I try to support him, but it doesn't seem to come though as support. He thinks I do not understand him, that I do not love him as I should, that I do not offer the support he needs. When I try to bring up my feelings he has told me that I am mean, that I am stupid, that I am boring and that I am just selfish. I am very confused.
I joined online-therapy because I am thinking that I have issues in the way I communicate, because whenever I try to offer some love and support I get anger and resentment back.
Lately things are pretty bad. He has pushed away all friendships. All he does is drink until he is drunk enough to fall asleep, smoke weed, order junkfood and play video games or scroll his phone. He refuses to clean the house or even tidy up after himself. He doesn't have a job, he is not trying to study, or really do anything in order to have a sustainable life.
I am the one paying for all the bills, even though I have a minimum wage job where I earn just enough to get by. I am the one cleaning, getting the house into a living space, cooking, doing grocery shopping, studying on the side, and basically the one keeping things a little together. And I honestly feel a little crazy. I wake up fearing what am I going to do wrong to make him upset. Sometimes me just looking at him can trigger some kind of fight. I am afraid of saying something that will make him more upset.
He is been treating me with such unkindness, that I don't know if is the depression, is the alcohol or if he just hates me.
The therapist that is advising me doesn't want to focus on him so much, as she wants to focus on my own growth. And I get that, but I want to help him. And I feel clueless. I ask him to please go to a therapist, but he doesn't think it will work. He would never take medications to get out of the depression.
All he cares about are video games, all day, all night. I don' t know how he can sustain himself if it wasn't for me. I would love to encourage him to try to study something, to volunteer, workout or do anything. But he won't listen. He thinks that there is nothing wrong to just behaving like a 13 year old.
I love him and I know if he would get some treatment life would be way more fulfilling. He is a talented person, he is very creative and super smart but nothing seems to excite him anymore.
How can I guide him to get help without being too pushy?
Whoever is reading this, thank you. I appreciate your time so much.
I am writing to try to get some light or advice with the situation that I am experiencing now.
My partner (31 from the US) and I (30, from Chile) have been together for 3 years. We live together for 2 years and he has been depressed for about a year already. I try to support him, but it doesn't seem to come though as support. He thinks I do not understand him, that I do not love him as I should, that I do not offer the support he needs. When I try to bring up my feelings he has told me that I am mean, that I am stupid, that I am boring and that I am just selfish. I am very confused.
I joined online-therapy because I am thinking that I have issues in the way I communicate, because whenever I try to offer some love and support I get anger and resentment back.
Lately things are pretty bad. He has pushed away all friendships. All he does is drink until he is drunk enough to fall asleep, smoke weed, order junkfood and play video games or scroll his phone. He refuses to clean the house or even tidy up after himself. He doesn't have a job, he is not trying to study, or really do anything in order to have a sustainable life.
I am the one paying for all the bills, even though I have a minimum wage job where I earn just enough to get by. I am the one cleaning, getting the house into a living space, cooking, doing grocery shopping, studying on the side, and basically the one keeping things a little together. And I honestly feel a little crazy. I wake up fearing what am I going to do wrong to make him upset. Sometimes me just looking at him can trigger some kind of fight. I am afraid of saying something that will make him more upset.
He is been treating me with such unkindness, that I don't know if is the depression, is the alcohol or if he just hates me.
The therapist that is advising me doesn't want to focus on him so much, as she wants to focus on my own growth. And I get that, but I want to help him. And I feel clueless. I ask him to please go to a therapist, but he doesn't think it will work. He would never take medications to get out of the depression.
All he cares about are video games, all day, all night. I don' t know how he can sustain himself if it wasn't for me. I would love to encourage him to try to study something, to volunteer, workout or do anything. But he won't listen. He thinks that there is nothing wrong to just behaving like a 13 year old.
I love him and I know if he would get some treatment life would be way more fulfilling. He is a talented person, he is very creative and super smart but nothing seems to excite him anymore.
How can I guide him to get help without being too pushy?
Whoever is reading this, thank you. I appreciate your time so much.