complex problem regarding my lovely newborn daughter, and the smokers that live with us.
Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2018 7:00 pm
hello there.
i just thought i need to rant to strangers and sort of need help and advise on this subject.
im sorry if this message is badly written, it is 11 at night and iv had a long day at the hospital, please bear with me.
i am also sorry if i have posted this in the wrong place. i looked through all the options and this seemed to be the best one.
i am lucky enough to have become a dad to a beautiful little girl as of the 14th of this month, valentines day. everything has been going ok, currently my wife and daughter are both still at the hospital because there was a few minor problems with both of them after the birth, and both are on antibiotics, but both are recovering just fine.
so far so good, but now to the problem
i am unfortunate enough to live with my mother in law and sister in law, both smokers, not very heavy smokers, but smokers none the less.
the sister in law smokes pot quite often as well as normal cigarettes, neither are the sharpest knife in the draw to be honest.
regrettably, i have only just started reading a book on babycare and childcare since we have been in the hospital, so i suppose i'm a stupid bastard too.
well, iv been reading a lot about how basically if you have smokers in the house, second or third hand smoke WILL get to the child, and WILL likely do damage. or maybe even cause cot death
the thought of it fills me with a horror thats difficult to put into words, especially as it seems like a train wreck that i could possibly prevent.
but talking to the wife about this has been extremely difficult, she says i am overreacting, being unflexible, undiplomatic, she cant stand criticism of her family she gets super stressed when i bring all this up and usually ends up in tears. clearly the family dont want to go far out of their way to change any habits (theyre selfish)
i was so livid when i found out the sister in law 23 years of age had smoked a joint in the house even though it had been expressly forbidden. with baby returning home just a few days away. i had a real go at her, i wanted to tear her limb from limb.
so i am in a real dilemma, me and the wife are both tired already, it was a very difficult labor, the wife doesnt want to talk about it really, and the in laws are too moronic to change habits. if it was just me here i would kick them both out forever, but i have to be tolerant of them because of my wife and i cant get angry about this situation because it stresses my wife. even though they are living in me and my wifes house under our roof, they have this power over me because of my wife and it pisses me the f*** off.
anyway, im going to set a few ground rules with them,
1, no smoking in the house ever, they break this rule they die.
2, they smoke out the front with the front door closed, (my baby will be around the back of the house on the second floor most of the time)
3, they cant pick up my baby unless they have at the very least washed their hands thoroughly (im thinking it should be more extreme, they should have to shower and change their clothes too, its what i have read)
all of this though leads to another conflict that will likely arise. they especially the sister in law are incredibly self centred and likely will break these rules, they have proven themselves to be quite untrustworthy in the past with breaking promises. the mother in law will want to hold and spend lots of time with her grandaughter and i will not want her to at all. the mother in law will likely get involved with the washing of her clothes, and i wont want her to.
they all think im a paranoid nut, they look at me like im crazy and insufferable for not wanting to take any chances whatsoever with my daughter.
but heres the thing. i will have to go back to work soon, i wont be able to guard my daughter all the time, and very likely because i have a family of idiots living with me, they will break these rules and get their filthy hands on my daughter, her clothes and food.
so anyway, really i want to know from you guys wherever you are what do you think of this situation? am i being paranoid and neurotic? i mean from what i have read i am not.
what would you guys do about this? i have some anger management problems among other things so the part of me that is saying i should slap the shit out of the sister in law and kick them both out of the house permanently, i cant tell if that part of me is unreasonable.
i also dont really have any friends i can really talk to, so again i cant tell if im being unreasonable or not, i have nobody to turn to, the wife is too stressed to go through a confrontation with her family, along the lines of forcing them to stop smoking, (which is what i would really want)
i just know that this situation is making everyone miserable, when this should be a wonderful time for us. and i know that i will be at work worrying about if i am going to get a call telling me my little beautiful baby has passed away.
thats another part that really pisses me off is that what should be the most amazing time for all of us has been soured with fear, arguing, uncertainty and loathing.
i should also say that initially when the mother in law was going to live with us permanently i was actually happy about it. as we were planning on having a child and she has raised 3 kids of her own i thought it a great idea to have an extra and experienced pair of hands around the house. she is also a great cook which is a bonus.
anyway thanks for reading and please leave a comment.
regards.
Dean.
i just thought i need to rant to strangers and sort of need help and advise on this subject.
im sorry if this message is badly written, it is 11 at night and iv had a long day at the hospital, please bear with me.
i am also sorry if i have posted this in the wrong place. i looked through all the options and this seemed to be the best one.
i am lucky enough to have become a dad to a beautiful little girl as of the 14th of this month, valentines day. everything has been going ok, currently my wife and daughter are both still at the hospital because there was a few minor problems with both of them after the birth, and both are on antibiotics, but both are recovering just fine.
so far so good, but now to the problem
i am unfortunate enough to live with my mother in law and sister in law, both smokers, not very heavy smokers, but smokers none the less.
the sister in law smokes pot quite often as well as normal cigarettes, neither are the sharpest knife in the draw to be honest.
regrettably, i have only just started reading a book on babycare and childcare since we have been in the hospital, so i suppose i'm a stupid bastard too.
well, iv been reading a lot about how basically if you have smokers in the house, second or third hand smoke WILL get to the child, and WILL likely do damage. or maybe even cause cot death
the thought of it fills me with a horror thats difficult to put into words, especially as it seems like a train wreck that i could possibly prevent.
but talking to the wife about this has been extremely difficult, she says i am overreacting, being unflexible, undiplomatic, she cant stand criticism of her family she gets super stressed when i bring all this up and usually ends up in tears. clearly the family dont want to go far out of their way to change any habits (theyre selfish)
i was so livid when i found out the sister in law 23 years of age had smoked a joint in the house even though it had been expressly forbidden. with baby returning home just a few days away. i had a real go at her, i wanted to tear her limb from limb.
so i am in a real dilemma, me and the wife are both tired already, it was a very difficult labor, the wife doesnt want to talk about it really, and the in laws are too moronic to change habits. if it was just me here i would kick them both out forever, but i have to be tolerant of them because of my wife and i cant get angry about this situation because it stresses my wife. even though they are living in me and my wifes house under our roof, they have this power over me because of my wife and it pisses me the f*** off.
anyway, im going to set a few ground rules with them,
1, no smoking in the house ever, they break this rule they die.
2, they smoke out the front with the front door closed, (my baby will be around the back of the house on the second floor most of the time)
3, they cant pick up my baby unless they have at the very least washed their hands thoroughly (im thinking it should be more extreme, they should have to shower and change their clothes too, its what i have read)
all of this though leads to another conflict that will likely arise. they especially the sister in law are incredibly self centred and likely will break these rules, they have proven themselves to be quite untrustworthy in the past with breaking promises. the mother in law will want to hold and spend lots of time with her grandaughter and i will not want her to at all. the mother in law will likely get involved with the washing of her clothes, and i wont want her to.
they all think im a paranoid nut, they look at me like im crazy and insufferable for not wanting to take any chances whatsoever with my daughter.
but heres the thing. i will have to go back to work soon, i wont be able to guard my daughter all the time, and very likely because i have a family of idiots living with me, they will break these rules and get their filthy hands on my daughter, her clothes and food.
so anyway, really i want to know from you guys wherever you are what do you think of this situation? am i being paranoid and neurotic? i mean from what i have read i am not.
what would you guys do about this? i have some anger management problems among other things so the part of me that is saying i should slap the shit out of the sister in law and kick them both out of the house permanently, i cant tell if that part of me is unreasonable.
i also dont really have any friends i can really talk to, so again i cant tell if im being unreasonable or not, i have nobody to turn to, the wife is too stressed to go through a confrontation with her family, along the lines of forcing them to stop smoking, (which is what i would really want)
i just know that this situation is making everyone miserable, when this should be a wonderful time for us. and i know that i will be at work worrying about if i am going to get a call telling me my little beautiful baby has passed away.
thats another part that really pisses me off is that what should be the most amazing time for all of us has been soured with fear, arguing, uncertainty and loathing.
i should also say that initially when the mother in law was going to live with us permanently i was actually happy about it. as we were planning on having a child and she has raised 3 kids of her own i thought it a great idea to have an extra and experienced pair of hands around the house. she is also a great cook which is a bonus.
anyway thanks for reading and please leave a comment.
regards.
Dean.