Depression Understood Forums

Dear All,

A very very dear friend has been suffering periods of depression on and off for a few years after experiencing some very sad events.
I moved far away from her a few months ago and she seems to have fallen into depression again around January. I really want to be a good friend and support her during good and bad times, after all she is a really good friend. But during this period she seems to have developed a lot of anger towards me and seems to have misunderstood my words.
We used to keep in touch by chat, together with my hubby and her husband as a friends group chat. But she seemed to really direct a lot of hate towards me specifically and it was hard for me to take, so I have been avoiding this communication tool for a while.

Thinking with a fresh mind, the hurtful feelings she expressed towards me are probably due to her state of depression. We used to get along so well before and I did not deliberately do anything to hurt her. In fact quite the opposite, I have been meaning to be a good friend to her, but clearly didn't help.

In the past I flew over to see her and try and talk face to face, as I wanted her to see I really cared and missed her. But I can't afford to do that very often and I am not sure it really helped.

I do not know what is the best way to get back in touch with her and how can I be of support whilst far away. Based on your experience what could work and what should I avoid?

Hi Rondineblu,

I know how you feel, or I should say, my sister knows how you feel, because my sister is the one who always takes care of me and I used to always get upset with her. But despite of all the crazy and hurtful things that I have told her, she never gave up on me. She truly has that unconditional love.

But sometimes, I need to have my own space, and when I feel like talking, I will go to her. I know that she cares for me, but sometimes when she tries to talk to much with her trying to help me, kinda annoys me, and sometimes she just does all of the talking. I would like to do the talking to, and for her to do the listening.

I hope this helps.

jennypa

I know a depressed person tends to say hurtful things, but don't take it to heart... I assure you she doesn't mean it. Be visible in the group chat again and wait for her to contact you... and once she does, just listen to her as if nothing happens.

Rondineblu wrote:Dear All,

A very very dear friend has been suffering periods of depression on and off for a few years after experiencing some very sad events.
I moved far away from her a few months ago and she seems to have fallen into depression again around January. I really want to be a good friend and support her during good and bad times, after all she is a really good friend. But during this period she seems to have developed a lot of anger towards me and seems to have misunderstood my words.
We used to keep in touch by chat, together with my hubby and her husband as a friends group chat. But she seemed to really direct a lot of hate towards me specifically and it was hard for me to take, so I have been avoiding this communication tool for a while.

Thinking with a fresh mind, the hurtful feelings she expressed towards me are probably due to her state of depression. We used to get along so well before and I did not deliberately do anything to hurt her. In fact quite the opposite, I have been meaning to be a good friend to her, but clearly didn't help.

In the past I flew over to see her and try and talk face to face, as I wanted her to see I really cared and missed her. But I can't afford to do that very often and I am not sure it really helped.

I do not know what is the best way to get back in touch with her and how can I be of support whilst far away. Based on your experience what could work and what should I avoid?

Relationships are give and take and are built on support and communication.