Marrying into Depression & Anxiety

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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forbetterorworse14
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Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2014 12:38 pm

Marrying into Depression & Anxiety

Postby forbetterorworse14 » Tue Jul 15, 2014 1:01 pm

Hi All! New to the forum and not really sure what the heck I am doing however, I thought it may be cathartic for me to get everything out and talk 'among friends'. Worth a try...

Currently in my early 30s and set to marry my partner of the last 6.5 years in the next few weeks. He suffers from severe anxiety, and depression which has progressively worsened throughout our time together. It has reached a level in the lead-up to the wedding that I did not even think was possible.

He is fine with me on weekends or holidays - it's when he has to go to work that he has a problem. He is an artist, one of the best at what he does, but says he has no creative spark. He quit his job 8 weeks before the wedding. Took a new one, and has been there for 2 weeks and wants to quit that one as well. He spends all day texting me while at work, telling me how bad he is feeling and how nothing is worth it anymore except for me. He believes the solution is to not be creative, and instead take a manual labor or minimum wage job. I firmly believe that he will be just as unhappy in any job, if he doesn't get the help he so desperately needs.

My problem is he won't get help. He attempted to go on drugs 6 months ago and after a day, was having dizzy spells and so refuses to go back on ANY meds. He spoke with a therapist 3 times and didn't like the guy so stopped going. He now believes therapy is useless, just because he didn't like one doctor. I'm all he has and it's starting to wear me down. I'm also beginning to worry that at this point, if he thinks there is nothing that can help, he's going to try to hurt himself.

Anyone have any advice on how to get him help? I'm not enabling him - I've told him he needs to see a doctor, any doctor and figure out the best course of action. I tell him everyday but it's useless - his negative thinking has him stuck in the mindset that he's beyond help and now he's beginning to feel awful sticking me in the middle of it all, which is making him even more depressed. I know the wedding is a big stressor that is probably contributing to it all.

Sorry so long! Thanks for listening!

no_answer
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Postby no_answer » Tue Jul 15, 2014 8:40 pm

If I were him, i'd think I'm being off-loaded to the mental health establishment for my flaws. Doctors and meds didn't help. They may never help, because they mostly don't know the nature of problem (despite their claims). Maybe, there isn't any problem at all. Artistic perception of life does have a level of clarity that is inaccessible to most mortals. The senslessness and tragic outcome of it all cannot be dispelled by pharmachemicals for a long time, neither by a long and multiple conversatiosn with a specialist trained to find every human flaw in DSM.

Try seeing hopelessness of it all the way he does. Try to understand and relate. Maybe, it will work better than cold money-making expert writing prescriptions and telling smart things across from the couch. Not that I know anything, just feeling like that may be the problem. Feel free to disagree, because I do get things wrong a lot.

forbetterorworse14
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Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2014 12:38 pm

Postby forbetterorworse14 » Wed Jul 16, 2014 7:34 am

Hi no_answer. You are correct in your assumption that he believes he'll be hauled off to an institution, and put in a padded room if he opens up about the ways he is feeling to any professional. I've been trying to relate to him - I don't blame him or begrudge him for the way he feels. I listen without judgement, give some suggestions if asked and generally support any decision about his life and health that he comes to. I just feel he's giving up too soon and hasn't explored all the options available. And perhaps I'm being selfish because I love him and just want to see him as happy and content as I know he can be as I've seen it. It sounds to me that you have gone through the entire system with no reprieve - and sounds like you really tried all the options. I'm so sorry that it didn't help any of your symptoms and you are still suffering. It breaks my heart knowing people continuously feel this way, with no end in sight. I'm just trying to figure it all out - how to be a great partner to him, without going off the deep-end myself.

no_answer
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Postby no_answer » Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:44 pm

forbetteerorforworse14, the deep end is definitely something to be scared about. On another hand, weren't the greatest discoveries made when facing fearful unknown?

Strange, that being happy and content is the goal of so many, while being the opposite is referred to as "symptoms".

No, I haven't been through the system (maybe, I should've), but gently explored it from outside, tiptoeing around therapists and psychoactive miracle cures. I read a great deal, too. Maybe, I forgot most of what I read.

I'm sometimes coming to a conclusion, that we are labeling as an illness the desire (maybe even subconscious one) to experience a wider range of emotions and responses to our environment. And in the same way as excessively loud or insufficiently loud sound is labeled a nuisance, the experience of discontentment and unhappiness is labeled abnormal for the purposes of maintaining social contracts. (Eg. when I have a toothache I don't just think of inconvenience of paying for cure and experiencing a degree of discomfort, but the physical disintegration of myself toward the ultimate death).

So, while I'm a solo climber, you are proceeding in a traditional way of a team roped together, where the differences are both valuable, but can also be detrimental. So, I'm not surprised that you are concerned about the success of the expedition balancing the goal of successful summit/return vs the goal of testing the strength of the team (are the differences valuable or are they detrimental?) I wish someone had a clairvoyant answer.

4EverMe
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Postby 4EverMe » Sat Sep 06, 2014 10:32 pm

Sometimes, issues can stem from the spiritual, rather than psychological realm of things...although the spiritual can affect the psychological.

I AM clairvoyant/clairaudient/clairsentient. My points of view can seem odd to some, but when you're extra sensitive to the supernatural, your way of thinking will be nothing more (or less) than what your perception of "natural" is. All I KNOW, is that there is more to life than what we view through our eyes.

With that being said, it is clear there are, likewise, other alternatives to what the mental health industry has to offer...It is true that medication and/or counseling help a vast amount of people.
On the other hand, what is to be spoken of for the large segment of the populus who do NOT reap the benefits.

My opinion is just one of many. Like a drop in the sea...
But, what if my opinion is that society needs to start thinking outside of the box!
Where is our faith? Where is our faith as a whole?

So, how do we escape this box of restricted thinking? Well, we must first acknowledge that we're stuck inside this box. Now, we're presented with a choice. Do we remain inside this box because it's confinement is all we know? Are we complacent due to a false sense of security?
We'll never know what's outside the box until we're ready to escape it, and learn there is so much more!

I've noticed that society tends to take baby steps, when it pertains to making positive changes toward growth. But, even so, it's like we take one step forward, then one step back, two steps forward, one step back......
When do we just..walk?
What is wrong with our so-called leaders? Obvious and correct choices can be handed to them on platters of truth-ways of bettering our world. Improving the plight of mankind. Ways of more effectively helping those of us who are suffering... And, many suffer needlessly. We know the answer, and yet we continue to stall.

What does the mouth of such brilliant and advanced psychology have to say? They know it ALL, right?

I digress. My apologies for going off on such a big tangent. Once, I get going it's difficult to stop!
Lol! I still have so much to say.

About the wedding, is it possible to put it off for a while? The two of you love one another. A mutual choice to delay the wedding shouldn't damage your relationship. If your husband's depression and anxiety is about at it's worst, I feel it would be the wisest thing to do.

My heart goes out to you both. I definitely can relate to severe panic/anxiety, and cannot imagine myself

4EverMe
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Postby 4EverMe » Sat Sep 06, 2014 10:36 pm

...and cannot imagine myself preparing for such an important event while the symptoms are at their worst!
I wish the best for you both.

no_answer
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Postby no_answer » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:25 pm

Isn't it interesting 4EverMe, how some people can fundamentally change their lives for the better by committing to another (tying a knot or in other ways), while others bring all of their problems into the relationship in hopes it would make them go away and seeing that it made the whole thing worse instead?

That is why some clairvoyants are running very successful businesses (although I'm not sure how are they licensed by their state).

4EverMe
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Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:58 pm

Yes, it is interesting, and a very good point you made!
Umm, I don't profit financially from any ability or spiritual discernment.
I would never run a business in that area. To me it's just something I have to live with. (although not too crazy about it) If used in the right way, and is therefore beneficial to myself or others, then it's a positive thing.
But, usually I try to ignore it.
Panic disorder is not made any easier for me to deal with when my intuition is picking up on things that are negative. It tends to only add to my anxiety.

no_answer
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Location: usa

Postby no_answer » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:30 pm

4EverMe, the whole idea of clairvoyance and premonitions is quite interesting. When you can forsee something that doesn't end well and get worried about it, can you forsee that after that bad outcome you would still be there re-evaluating it and using it for good ends?

Of course, after you benefit and survive from the traumatic experience and raise your game to a totally new level the premonition of another downturn would cancel out any anticipation of a reward, which in its turn would be canceled out by another survival....and so on, ad infinitum (depending on how many future re-incarnations you can forsee).

So, logically, panic cannot be the result of clairvoyance, but lack of belief in eventual liberation from karmic circle or lack of belief of going to heaven and staying there can result in panic. I don't believe, but, then, neither am I a clairvoyant. So, I get to panic a lot unnecessarily as well. Me, not very logical after all.

I'm trying to figure out how to make sense of things, although it may look like I make fun of things by making them more confusing.

4EverMe
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Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:12 am

Simply put, a person with heightened intuition doesn't have the mind of God.
Whether society labels a certain ability "Clairvoyant," "Psychic," or "highly intuitive," (basically the same things) the person who possesses that LABEL, is still human- therefore incapable of perfect knowledge.

I cannot tell you today
that I will fall into a ditch tomorrow...

I do not claim to know and/or to forsee the future. I cannot read someone else's mind. I'm only human.
Everybody has intuition to a degree.
Some just have a higher level of it.

This is the same of all gifts, talents, and abilities. Each one of us has something that is unique and useful in this world.

4EverMe
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Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:53 am

Hi no-answer,
I just wanted to add that I do not hone on my 'skills,' so as to "raise my game to a total new level"...
Extra sensory perception is not something I practice. It is something that just...happens.

My panic/anxiety disorder is not the result of any
clairvoyance. Rather, it is a condition I happen to have along with it. Naturally, if I feel a negative energy, it will affect my anxiety. But, my anxiety/panic issues are not the result of any intuitive ability in itself...

Just so there is no misunderstanding, I do NOT ..."have a lack of belief in going to heaven"...
I do believe in God, and I am a Christian- as far as my belief system goes.

I realize it's hard to understand what these 'abilities' are exactly, if you don't experience them yourself. Rather than presume my manner of thinking or how or what I believe, please feel free to ask.
I'll be as honest and forthright as I can.

4EverMe
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Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:06 am

P.S. Forbetterorworse14,
My apologies! I am very sorry for the part I played in basically 'hijacking' your topic! This was not my intention.

I hope you're doing okay. :-)

CrazyKiss
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Postby CrazyKiss » Mon Nov 17, 2014 5:55 pm

Hi there,

Im sorry u both are going through a hard time right now. Must not be easy on u when u cant express how u feel when things are getting on top of u two. You deserve to have someone there to talk two.

Do u have any family or friends u can go to? Maybe when hes not there with u that can be the time to speak to someone on ur own without bottling things up. I think that would be a good idea to talk to someone.

As for ur husband i do think u have done mostly everything u would genuinely do for him to get help and if anything he may need to be the person who would accept to get help in order to move on. I would just leave the door open for him and see if anything changes. You cant force someone to get help u can only try and support them in order for them to get help.

Would maybe getting an out of hours appointment for him to see someone would help? I know u mentioned doctor but i do think u should still persist with that. Thinking see a new doctor and for them to come to u will be more benefical right now. I also do think that he would be better off whilst continuing to see the doctor is week thearpy. There are lots of options avaliable so u could go through with this with the doctor.

Can i así wether u work? Is it just him what does? Im only saying this cuz i wouldnt know how u can always be there for him when hes feeling low all the time. You must have to work to pay for this wedding?

If u really love ur husband and think hes worth anything no matter what then make this work and dont stop caring for him ever and make him know that if he loves u then he would do carry on trying to get help with ur support by his side.

Please remember that were here if u ever need to talk or get something out ur chest etc. You could always ring the emergency services if u are at a crisis point but hopefully it shouldnt get to that.

Hugs

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Domenico
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Postby Domenico » Sun Jan 18, 2015 10:23 am

I have dealt with such sort of problem after getting my first job. In my case it happened since rarely mixed with strange people. Then I have found in the net some tips how to behave in the workplace for example
1. When to speak someone look straight to the eyes.
2. Walk with full breath into the chest.
3. Engage yourself when others having fun that will make you easy.
4. make friends with colleagues.

However, in such situation confidence is highly desired.

WillieWillieHH
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Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2014 11:38 pm

Postby WillieWillieHH » Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:44 pm

I know someone that can relate with your husband's situation. My sister used to work in the designing industry(clothes and other related stuffs) and she has worked well. But few months later she's been depressed and we just found out that she's been addicted to drugs (no one even noticed that she's been using drugs before she got addicted, and how was that happened? we're quite a busy family). And now she's losing her job, she thinks that she couldn't make it anymore, she has lost her focus. She's now dealing with her addiction and we're trying to help her out. She's been in AA and had a counselor but it didn't work for her. So hopefully a treatment would make her better. I've been searching for some sites and I stumbled upon this Rehab Facilities in Arlington VA and I'm not sure if this will work for her. I just don't have any idea about this treatment stuff. So I've been searching for any info that would help my sister. So if anyone here could give some ideas/advice that would be appreciated.
So I can also relate with you in some ways forbetterorworse14. I think we need to be always there for our family/loved one. They need our support especially you, it's your husband who's you're talking about. Best wishes for us. I hope we could get through with this.


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