MY Buddy Has Depression

[TonyK]

I have a friend/buddy who suffers chronic depression we met about 6 months ago and I have to admit it's difficult to be friends with a depressed person. He's in his late 40's, lives in a rooming house, has lofty goals, living on a fixed income and occasionally gets into the drug scene Over the Christmas holidays I've invited him over to my apt to hang out. We've spent many long hours together mostly him talking about his rough childhood, failed relationships, his health problems and I'd listen. I've done some internet research on "How to be a friend with a Depressed friend" and the suggestions and advice has helped our friendship. A famous celebrity once said "people who go through a rough childhood tend to be more interesting later in life" and I agree with this statement
Here is the problem. When he's in a depression mood he gives out disparaging remarks and get's angry over trivial things. When this happens I get pissed off and I feel like telling him to get out. Now I know this is the wrong way to react. As the Professionals says "Don't take it personal" but it's hard not too. I would never tolerate this behavior from my normal friends.
I like my friend we have many common interests and I don't want to "walk way" from our friendship.

Any suggestions?

[TonyK]

Hey everybody I want to thank the webmaster for this site and to all the members who posted their stories and comments. I've read most of them and I've begun to understand my friend more who has depression. We've become closer and I truly believe he appreciates my efforts. It's a tough journey for him dealing with his health problems and depression but as long as "I'm there for him" there is hope things will get better.

Once again thank you all.

[TonyK]

The past week has been terrible for my depressed friend, he got back into the drugs and when I went to see him he looked like shit. Plus his other plans didn't turn out for the best. For the past few days he hasn't answered his phone or returned my calls and I know he's fallen down the dark tunnel. He's pushing me away so I sent him a text saying "the door is open" meaning he can call me, text me or drop by and buzz me at my apt 24/7.

Question to the members of this site - Should I continue trying to reach him or leave him alone and hopefully he'll get in touch with me?

[dougsan]

Based on my experiences with depressio and friends/relatives who have depression, the only thing you can do is let him know you care and are available when he wants to talk. Other than that, there is nothing anyone can do for him. It is his life, both the ups and downs, and he has to want to deal with it.

[TonyK]

Based on my experiences with depressio and friends/relatives who have depression, the only thing you can do is let him know you care and are available when he wants to talk. Other than that, there is nothing anyone can do for him. It is his life, both the ups and downs, and he has to want to deal with it.

Right on..thanks for your input.

[Esmonds]

Hi Tony,
Tell your buddy to share his problems with you or anyone else, it will make him feel relax and helps in reducing depression. Tell him to quit drugs, alcohol and caffeine and do engage in any physical activity on regular basis. Have balanced and nutritive diet plan, drink more water than routine and have proper sleep.

[TonyK]

Hi Tony,
Tell your buddy to share his problems with you or anyone else, it will make him feel relax and helps in reducing depression. Tell him to quit drugs, alcohol and caffeine and do engage in any physical activity on regular basis. Have balanced and nutritive diet plan, drink more water than routine and have proper sleep.

I will for sure give it a shot. I just hope he doesn't freak out at the suggestions.

[TonyK]

Good news! I called my friend last night and finally he answered the phone. I asked if I could come over and visit, he agreed. When I arrived he looked scruffy like he hasn't had a shower in days and his room stank. I could sense he's still "out of it" but I was happy to see him. I didn't push any heavy questions I just listened as he talked about the mundane. I hung around for about 30 minutes then I left for the gym. As he walked me out to the door I smiled and said "It's good to see you" and he said the same. I made a promise I would keep in touch.
As I walked down the street, for a few minutes I felt sad/teary for my friend he has a mental illness. He deserves to live a normal life.

[TonyK]

This afternoon I ran into my friend and surprisingly he was in good spirits. We talked or should I say he talked for about 20 minutes and I listened. I think he's out of his depression episode but for the wrong reasons. I say this because of what he said. "Tony, Crack is better then medication I feel better" Unfortunately it looks like Crack is his best friend, not me or anybody else. I don' t know what the future holds for him but I'll do my best to "Be there" for him. I know the euphoria he feels now will not last long.

[crystalgaze]

Hang in there..... I, I think I understand....

I have a friend, too, who is not only depressed but also S-dal. It has been the hardest thing to watch. I didn't think I'd see this day where I would be strong enough to help myself and help someone else stand up to it.

Seriously, I'm not sure what to do, but I am managing. The frightening part is: WE ARE A MIRROR. He's on one side of the glass & I'm on the other. Maybe we are even back to back. He most likely won't grab my hand, but I'm reaching for his.

Our lives are similar. I've tried to show him "heart" & HEART seems to be what is getting through to that person a little and helping to ease the suffering.

I'm doing well to the point I'm surprising myself. I'm.... proud of myself. I've got some music to help me on the path. I believe it is a situational depression, as well as a medical depression (suffers from a bodily injury).

It is risky. People are wondering why I am around the person, why I call so often, etc. I think he gets tired of me, too, but in the end, I can see where he seems to appreciate what I am trying to do. Sometimes we argue a little & have small spats, but on the whole, it all appears to pan out somehow.

I feel that person is the only one I have outside of family, so I'm doing my best to hang onto him & not lose him to depression--at least. I do not think anyone knows how he feels or perhaps the extent of it. He said it to me in confidence..... & having gone through what I've gone through myself, I KNEW HOW SERIOUS IT WAS.....

The other day I saw him smile a little & I was just so relieved. Ah, this is long..... Don't mean to hijack your thread!

We will progress....

___________________________________

*** There is one thing about your friend that bothers me & it's that he is unable/doesn't listen to you..... You should be able to talk also.... Gotta think on how to address that.... Friendship shouldn't be toxic & should be an exchange.... I believe deep down in there somewhere there has to be a consciousness about that.....

Regarding the crack, I'm not sure there is much you can do now. I would not go by as often--if it were me--, but maybe talk on the phone for a little. Be careful with that situation now that it has turned in such a way.

Take care.

[TonyK]

*** There is one thing about your friend that bothers me & it's that he is unable/doesn't listen to you..... You should be able to talk also.... Gotta think on how to address that.... Friendship shouldn't be toxic & should be an exchange.... I believe deep down in there somewhere there has to be a consciousness about that.....

Regarding the crack, I'm not sure there is much you can do now. I would not go by as often--if it were me--, but maybe talk on the phone for a little. Be careful with that situation now that it has turned in such a way.

Take care.
_________________
~Crystal aka Garbage (Trash)

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I know what you mean it's a tough situation. during the time he had his depression episode, it gave me time to step back and really look at our friendship. It crossed my mind perhaps I should back away and keep in touch occasionally. He needs to go to drug rehab then seek a therapist. I just hope I don't get a call from his family saying "something" happened to him.

Thanks for your comment.

[Frame]

Tony; the last few posts are touching on something I think needs to be said. To be a good and effective friend you need to keep yourself healthy mentally and emotionally. It's good that your sharing here. You have to check your emotional pulse every so often because dealing with additive personalities can warp a persons reality. I think you have to set limits and keep in touch with where those limits are in terms of your friend. It can be crushing to pour your energy into someone you love only to get nothing back. I'm not advising against it, but if you choose to go in you should have emotional back up.

[TonyK]

Tony; the last few posts are touching on something I think needs to be said. To be a good and effective friend you need to keep yourself healthy mentally and emotionally. It's good that your sharing here. You have to check your emotional pulse every so often because dealing with additive personalities can warp a persons reality. I think you have to set limits and keep in touch with where those limits are in terms of your friend. It can be crushing to pour your energy into someone you love only to get nothing back. I'm not advising against it, but if you choose to go in you should have emotional back up.

Good point ie: Last month I thought about approaching our local mental health centre and talk to a counselor or therapist and get advice on how I can help my depressed friend but I never got around to it due to work and other commitments. You're right it has been exhausting and setting limits is the way to go.
One thing I forgot to mention in my previous post when he told me "Crack is better then his medication" he also bragged that he's dealing the street drug.
At the time of this writing & after talking to him yesterday I decided to back away slowly from my friend, of course I'll send a hello text now and then and wave if I see him on the street. There is nothing I can do for him if he doesn't have the desire to get his life straightened out.

[Frame]

I completely agree you can actually be good friend from a safe distance. He may not realize or accknowledge that. But down the road you may still be around (where others have burned out) when he is ready for your help.