Lend an ear?

[-Sunshine-]

Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl, with a fab job, great friends & boyfriend and a lovely family. I'm a very happy person, or try to be! Just going through a difficult time at the moment.

Long story coming up, sorry! Please take some time to read it! I'll begin:
My mother has suffered from clinical depression for most of my life. I have vague memories of her having medication when I was 5/6 years old but my first reliable memory of this is when I was 8 years old and she was recommended by her psychiatrist to become an inpatient on a mental health ward where she had to undergo ECT (electro-convulsive therapy, I think!). She came home and that was that. I'm sure it wasn't that simple, but I was 8, and assume very well protected by my family and teachers of the real situation. Completely oblivious to how serious it was.

The next few years were fine until I turned 13 (unlucky number, haha). I have some horrific memories around this time of walking in on her self harming and of her acting strangely, muttering hurtful things towards herself and suchlike. She was sent to a mental health ward again for more ECT and changes to her medication. She came home and seemed ok. Unfortunately, it was around this time that I decided too to go on a self-destruct mission and was self harming, overdosed three times and was in general not a very nice person to my family. I had counselling, made a fresh start and got myself back on track. I can't even begin to imagine how this must have affected her, given her own problems.

I'm 19 now, and things seemed to be running smoothly up until a few months ago when my mother was readmitted to a mental health ward. She was there for about 4 months, had more ECT and her medication adjusted. I dealt with it pretty well, I feel, this time around. I tried to be there for her as much as I could. I visited every weekend when I wasn't working and kept her up to date with everything. Tried to make her laugh and smile with my antics as a learner driver and day-to-day embarrassing disasters that seem to follow me. She came home, and I thought everything was ok. Maybe I was a little too optimistic though, as she was readmitted last week, within a month of her last stay there. I thought they were just keeping her in a safe place while they adjusted her meds again, but now they're talking more ECT.
It clearly didn't work last time, and I'm worried that she'll get into this circle of being in and out of hospital now.

I'm also worried for my father, who is one of those 'I'm the rock of the family - nothing affects me' type of people. I'm the only person he is close to, and he doesn't even talk to me that much about it. I don't want him to break down too. And then, of course, there is me, 19 years old, starting to think about going to university, growing up and all that stuff you do when you are my age. I don't want to leave my mum when she needs me. I'm trying my hardest to be brave and be there for my family, but I'm starting to feel a little stressed with all this stuff going on.

I'm not looking for answers to my problems. Just some advice or a chat from someone who is or has been in a similar place to me would be greatly appreciated. Even some kind or comforting words, which I'm sure from looking at other posts here are widely available from you lovely people (:
Anything at all will help me (and hopefully other people like me! I'm sure there are some out there!),

Thank you so much and well done for making it through my marathon post!
Sunshine x

PS Sorry if I post this in the wrong place, I'm awful at this kind of thing!

[jj]

Hey sunshine, welcome to the forums.

Glad you came here, everyone is so friendly and supportive. I think youre doing a great job, and doing the best you can do, you sound so strong! In regards to your dad, all you can really do is try to encourage him to talk if youre worried about him, i think staying open and honest about how you guys are coping with it all is so so important.

I know you dont want to feel like youre leaving your mom, and its a difficult situation, but this is also your life too- which is important. You can still support her with calls and texts and talk to her and let her know you still love her and care for her. Its a hard balancing act.

Im sorry, im not sure if this will have helped much. You might want to try going into the chatroom too aswell as posting in the forum.

Hugs to you

jj

[-Sunshine-]

Thanks jj (:
Been nervous about talking to people, although I don't know why, you all seem so nice!
Little shy to go in the chatrooms yet, will maybe try later on!!
Many thanks,
Sunshine x

[jj]

I do hope you do have a look in. Its full of lovely, caring, compassionate supportive people. Im sure they will have many tips and advice to give you aswell as in here.

jj

[-Sunshine-]

I'll maybe go watch for a bit (: See what happens...
Thanks!
Sunshine x

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Hi (((( Sunshine )))), welcome to the forums!
I'm afraid that I can't really offer you much in the way of advice in your situation. My experience of depression is almost entirely derived from my own experience of depression/anxiety. So, I'm afraid that I don't really have much experience of living with the effects of depression in family, as you have done, and are doing.
( I've just spent six lines saying that I have very little useful to say...You can tell that I make my living as a bureaucrat, can't you? )
Seriously though, I just want to agree with (((( jj's )))) post. I too think that you're doing a great job in a difficult situation for you and your family.
My Father is also the " I'm the rock of the family - nothing affects me " type. It's entirely understandable that you are concerned about him. Although, speaking as a man myself, I think that the best thing that you could do for him is what you're already doing, just letting him know that you're there for him, that he could talk to you if he needed to. ( I'm afraid not talking about your feelings is still something of " a guy thing " . You might well have noticed this with your boyfriend! Men...Please bear with us...We are trying to be more emotionally expressive, but it is very much a work in progress! At least as far as I'm concerned! I think if I ever get married my poor wife will have a lot of training to do!)
I can understand that you want to be there for your family, but then again, it is entirely understandable that you are feeling stressed with all that is going on. Please be sure to take take of yourself as well. Afterall, you won't make anyone else feel better, by not taking care of yourself. Not that I'm one to nag...( Who am I kidding?! I could nag for Britain! Following my own advice, on the other hand...! )
Seriously though, as (((( jj )))) said: obviously you don't want to leave your Mother, but you also have your life to live too. It's natural for people your age to be thinking of university and the future. Afterall, isn't that what every parent wants for their child. ( Not that I'm a parent, I'd be the first to admit! )

[-Sunshine-]

Thank you for replying Tack (:
As I said, I'm not looking for answers, but it's lovely to have support. I'm pretty glad I plucked up the courage to post here, it's nice to hear some kind words when you feel a bit lost! (:
Thanks again,
Sunshine x

[Obayan]

Hi sunshine. Sending you hugs and a warm welcome.

[-Sunshine-]

Thank you very much Obayan (:
Sunshine x

[Obayan]

You are very welcome sweetie.

[Scotty204]

This happened to me about 10 years ago when I was around your age. My brother and I took my mother to the hospital and she was admitted. I'm starting to think depression may be hereditary because I also suffer from it. This is tough on a family but your dad needs to be ready and able to support your mom for possible years to come. Be glad your folks are still married and she has her husband.... my mother was alone. You can offer support as well but try not to lose sight of what you want either but be prepared to make some sacrifices if need be. This situation you are in I know exactly how you feel.