My boyfriend is feeling hopeless and suicidal - how can i help?

[rosarchie]

Would really appreciate some advice. My boyfriend of 4 years is suicidal and for as long as I've known him he's struggled with mental health. Having issues with mental health myself; I feel as though I am fairly understanding of his troubles as I've felt similar but because I have been to therapy and had medication I've been able to recover and learnt how to deal with things better.

Anyway, my boyfriend isn't like me and really struggles to tell anyone anything in regards to his feelings. He has previously told me that he has felt suicidal for the majority of his life, first considering it at only 10 years old (he is now 21). For the 5 years I have known him, he has attempted suicide 3 times through overdose of painkillers and has periods of really intense self harming that have left large scars. Just before Christmas was the last time he attempted suicide and after that he came to live with me in my uni dorm because I am his only source of support - his mum and dad know of his problems but do very little to support him. After months of persuasion, I encouraged him to go to the doctors and to join the gym to try and keep him busy and lift his mood. The doctor gave him a prescription, however he over dosed on those and so was only given small quantities after that and would not consistently take them and then stopped completely and hasn't had them since. Since then I've tried to find things to do to make him enjoy his life more - concerts, holidays etc. and encouraged him to continue being active and keeping in touch with friends and this seemed to work, he spoke about the future and made plans to start university.

However, the past month he's just gone completely back in his shell. He's barely spoken to me and refuses to see me because he doesn't like to be around people when feeling down. As he hasn't spoken to me much, I've been really worried and so looked up his search history as he has previously searched things that suggest he's hurting himself. (I'm very aware this is invasive but by doing this, I cant at least know what frame of mind he's in). I found he's been searching various drugs which could be harmful. I'm feeling very helpless because he's pushing me away and I'm worried he'll try again to harm himself. I have spoken previously to my doctor and councillor about him and they said the only thing I can do is encourage him to seek help himself. I'm really desperate in wanting to help him. has anyone else had a similar experience and if so what can we do to get him to seek help?

[littlestarsmum]

Thanks for sharing, Rosarchie. I’m so sorry to hear what your boyfriend is going through. I know how difficult it must be for you to see him struggle. Putting an end to life will never solve our problems. Such a decision would be tragic beyond words. I just said a prayer for him, and I hope that God will surround him with His comfort, strength, and peace. In this situation, it’s best to have one-on-one interaction with a caring professional. Hope he’ll get help soon. Stay strong, girl. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

[rosarchie]

Thanks for sharing, Rosarchie. I’m so sorry to hear what your boyfriend is going through. I know how difficult it must be for you to see him struggle. Putting an end to life will never solve our problems. Such a decision would be tragic beyond words. I just said a prayer for him, and I hope that God will surround him with His comfort, strength, and peace. In this situation, it’s best to have one-on-one interaction with a caring professional. Hope he’ll get help soon. Stay strong, girl. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

Thank you so much

[Prycejosh1987]

Would really appreciate some advice. My boyfriend of 4 years is suicidal and for as long as I've known him he's struggled with mental health. Having issues with mental health myself; I feel as though I am fairly understanding of his troubles as I've felt similar but because I have been to therapy and had medication I've been able to recover and learnt how to deal with things better.

Anyway, my boyfriend isn't like me and really struggles to tell anyone anything in regards to his feelings. He has previously told me that he has felt suicidal for the majority of his life, first considering it at only 10 years old (he is now 21). For the 5 years I have known him, he has attempted suicide 3 times through overdose of painkillers and has periods of really intense self harming that have left large scars. Just before Christmas was the last time he attempted suicide and after that he came to live with me in my uni dorm because I am his only source of support - his mum and dad know of his problems but do very little to support him. After months of persuasion, I encouraged him to go to the doctors and to join the gym to try and keep him busy and lift his mood. The doctor gave him a prescription, however he over dosed on those and so was only given small quantities after that and would not consistently take them and then stopped completely and hasn't had them since. Since then I've tried to find things to do to make him enjoy his life more - concerts, holidays etc. and encouraged him to continue being active and keeping in touch with friends and this seemed to work, he spoke about the future and made plans to start university.

However, the past month he's just gone completely back in his shell. He's barely spoken to me and refuses to see me because he doesn't like to be around people when feeling down. As he hasn't spoken to me much, I've been really worried and so looked up his search history as he has previously searched things that suggest he's hurting himself. (I'm very aware this is invasive but by doing this, I cant at least know what frame of mind he's in). I found he's been searching various drugs which could be harmful. I'm feeling very helpless because he's pushing me away and I'm worried he'll try again to harm himself. I have spoken previously to my doctor and councillor about him and they said the only thing I can do is encourage him to seek help himself. I'm really desperate in wanting to help him. has anyone else had a similar experience and if so what can we do to get him to seek help?

Support is not just feeling sorry for the person and cope with the situation. Support is helping the person find a solution and be there for them when they need you. You need to get him to open up and express his issues to you. I am sure you together can find solutions to your problems and strengthen your connection with each other.

[FightToLive]

Would really appreciate some advice. My boyfriend of 4 years is suicidal and for as long as I've known him he's struggled with mental health. Having issues with mental health myself; I feel as though I am fairly understanding of his troubles as I've felt similar but because I have been to therapy and had medication I've been able to recover and learnt how to deal with things better.

Anyway, my boyfriend isn't like me and really struggles to tell anyone anything in regards to his feelings. He has previously told me that he has felt suicidal for the majority of his life, first considering it at only 10 years old (he is now 21). For the 5 years I have known him, he has attempted suicide 3 times through overdose of painkillers and has periods of really intense self harming that have left large scars. Just before Christmas was the last time he attempted suicide and after that he came to live with me in my uni dorm because I am his only source of support - his mum and dad know of his problems but do very little to support him. After months of persuasion, I encouraged him to go to the doctors and to join the gym to try and keep him busy and lift his mood. The doctor gave him a prescription, however he over dosed on those and so was only given small quantities after that and would not consistently take them and then stopped completely and hasn't had them since. Since then I've tried to find things to do to make him enjoy his life more - concerts, holidays etc. and encouraged him to continue being active and keeping in touch with friends and this seemed to work, he spoke about the future and made plans to start university.

However, the past month he's just gone completely back in his shell. He's barely spoken to me and refuses to see me because he doesn't like to be around people when feeling down. As he hasn't spoken to me much, I've been really worried and so looked up his search history as he has previously searched things that suggest he's hurting himself. (I'm very aware this is invasive but by doing this, I cant at least know what frame of mind he's in). I found he's been searching various drugs which could be harmful. I'm feeling very helpless because he's pushing me away and I'm worried he'll try again to harm himself. I have spoken previously to my doctor and councillor about him and they said the only thing I can do is encourage him to seek help himself. I'm really desperate in wanting to help him. has anyone else had a similar experience and if so what can we do to get him to seek help?

I'm not sure if I'm replying here but I'm having a similar issues here. i want to help this man who i consider the love of my life. He needs help, he says he was seeing a therapist before but nothing like this has helped him. He broke up with me because he wants to get himself right but also asked me not to wait. I honestly don't see a future where he is not my partner. I need to know how to help him. He says it's not just thoughts and feelings that their are urges too and that he attempted suicide his last year of high school. I recently found all this out before he broke up with me. He says he loves me and does not want me to think this has to do with me. But i need him to at least be ok. I want to be with him so much but I also want to allow him time to figure things out. We still talk via text everyday but 'm afraid one day i may never get a reply. How do i help him, what can I do ? I've asked him to get help and he said he would try and i remind him i am here for him and that i love him for who he is, but i know that it won't fix anything. If you or anyone else has advice i could really use it

[Burntouted]

It's best to part ways permanently.
This relationship isn't going to workout nor is it healthy.

Someone with issues such as his shouldn't be dating anyone. He needs to be single untill he desires and puts a plan in action to get healthy.


You can't help him.

You can help yourself..

By leaving.


If he genuinely cared about you, he never would have dated you.. but since he did, he would let you go now. He wouldn't want you to be on a downward spiral with him. He wouldn't want you always walking on eggshells and in constant worry and panic about his next episode.

He failed to be completely honest with himself prior to any relationship. He knew that he was struggling and felt hopeless...therefore he shouldn't have decided to date you.

He's probably never going to be healthy enough for any relationship with anyone.

He wasn't ready to be in any relationship.




You deserve a partner, not to be a therapist, not to have him as your patient. Not to be a caregiver. Not to be someone's crutch. Not to be on a downward spiral with him. Not to be someone's "everything". Not to take on additional depression.



I know that you love him...but honestly you shouldn't have ever dated him.

4 years you've been dealing with this.

As harsh as it sounds, you have to leave him alone permanently and work towards "saving" yourself and becoming healthy.


You weren't healthy enough to begin a relationship either. You failed to be completely honest with yourself beforehand.


These types of relationships never genuinely work out well.


Leave, get into therapy asap...work on yourself.


You can't "save" nor "fix" him.

He has to want to possibly save himself.
Just let him be.

You two split up and work on yourselves individually.

You're enabling him to use you.

You aren't responsible for him. He isn't your responsibility. There's not much that you can do for him.

[Burntouted]

Would really appreciate some advice. My boyfriend of 4 years is suicidal and for as long as I've known him he's struggled with mental health. Having issues with mental health myself; I feel as though I am fairly understanding of his troubles as I've felt similar but because I have been to therapy and had medication I've been able to recover and learnt how to deal with things better.

Anyway, my boyfriend isn't like me and really struggles to tell anyone anything in regards to his feelings. He has previously told me that he has felt suicidal for the majority of his life, first considering it at only 10 years old (he is now 21). For the 5 years I have known him, he has attempted suicide 3 times through overdose of painkillers and has periods of really intense self harming that have left large scars. Just before Christmas was the last time he attempted suicide and after that he came to live with me in my uni dorm because I am his only source of support - his mum and dad know of his problems but do very little to support him. After months of persuasion, I encouraged him to go to the doctors and to join the gym to try and keep him busy and lift his mood. The doctor gave him a prescription, however he over dosed on those and so was only given small quantities after that and would not consistently take them and then stopped completely and hasn't had them since. Since then I've tried to find things to do to make him enjoy his life more - concerts, holidays etc. and encouraged him to continue being active and keeping in touch with friends and this seemed to work, he spoke about the future and made plans to start university.

However, the past month he's just gone completely back in his shell. He's barely spoken to me and refuses to see me because he doesn't like to be around people when feeling down. As he hasn't spoken to me much, I've been really worried and so looked up his search history as he has previously searched things that suggest he's hurting himself. (I'm very aware this is invasive but by doing this, I cant at least know what frame of mind he's in). I found he's been searching various drugs which could be harmful. I'm feeling very helpless because he's pushing me away and I'm worried he'll try again to harm himself. I have spoken previously to my doctor and councillor about him and they said the only thing I can do is encourage him to seek help himself. I'm really desperate in wanting to help him. has anyone else had a similar experience and if so what can we do to get him to seek help?

I'm not sure if I'm replying here but I'm having a similar issues here. i want to help this man who i consider the love of my life. He needs help, he says he was seeing a therapist before but nothing like this has helped him. He broke up with me because he wants to get himself right but also asked me not to wait. I honestly don't see a future where he is not my partner. I need to know how to help him. He says it's not just thoughts and feelings that their are urges too and that he attempted suicide his last year of high school. I recently found all this out before he broke up with me. He says he loves me and does not want me to think this has to do with me. But i need him to at least be ok. I want to be with him so much but I also want to allow him time to figure things out. We still talk via text everyday but 'm afraid one day i may never get a reply. How do i help him, what can I do ? I've asked him to get help and he said he would try and i remind him i am here for him and that i love him for who he is, but i know that it won't fix anything. If you or anyone else has advice i could really use it

You have to end things permanently with him and work on yourself. He knows that he isn't suitable nor healthy enough for a relationship with anyone.. possibly will never be. He probably won't ever be healthy enough to be anyone's partner.


You have to possibly end all communications and contact with him, and allow him to work on himself. (If that's what he chooses to do) Recognize that he can't work on himself like he should with you in his life right now.


You are hindering his progress, and the process beginning. You are pressuring him and putting pressure on him.

He needs to be completely away from you currently.

He has things to figure out. And he needs to be alone to do so.

Your behavior is further enabling him to remain as is.

He told you he needed time. Respect his wishes and stop trying to still impose yourself in his life.


I know that you don't want to lose him, but it is highly unlikely that he'll ever be healthy enough to be a good partner to anyone .

You are doing yourself a disservice by staying and holding onto hope.

This will never be a healthy relationship.

He will always be struggling. He always has been. You can't save nor "fix" him.


I suggest that you part ways and work on yourself perhaps in therapy. You have self esteem, self respect, self worth, self dignity issues. You also seem to not know what a healthy relationship is and should be.

People with serious issues and traumas that hinder and stop that person from

The mentally "unwell" and constantly always struggling , perhaps in and out of "mental" hospitals and the severe depressed will never make healthy partners, nor will ever be in healthy relationships.

You have to learn this.

Everyone should be completely honest with themselves and thoroughly think things through before ever considering dating someone.


If you know that you're not healthy enough and possibly will never be, and have severe problems that hinder your life ...you should not be in a relationship..