Hello
Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 3:51 pm
Hi all,
I just joined this site yesterday and thought I should introduce myself. I'm a 45 year old single father of two almost adult daughters. I live in Minnesota, USA and work as an electrician. I am just so tired of feeling alone. I was reading a post by oneway and my feelings couldn't have been expressed better if those words were extracted from my own head.
oneways post:
"It’s been frustrating me lately that I’m aware of the things that will help ease my pain, but physically, I still can’t bring myself to do any of it. It’s like being trapped in a glass box. I can see the key—just out of reach—but I’m still stuck, and I’m constantly reminded that this box is locked.
I can’t force myself to smile, or talk to anyone really, outside of work. I’ve isolated myself from my family and the few friends that I have. My interactions at work have become cold and impersonal in the guise of professionalism, as I try to hide my illness. It makes me feel hollow inside, and still, I worry that people can see right through me. At the same time, it feels like work is all I have. I go home, and feel empty again."
"I try to read, but lose focus. I don’t trust people and all my relationships seem to have fallen apart. I can’t find any simple pleasures. I'm way too hard on myself and won't accept credit for any accomplishments. Lately, all of this has filled me with anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety and desperation.
It seems I’ve lost that meaning, that reason to endure the suffering. I’m not sure where to even look for it anymore. These clouds have been lingering for a long time now. I need some sunshine."
Thanks for listening,
Tim
I just joined this site yesterday and thought I should introduce myself. I'm a 45 year old single father of two almost adult daughters. I live in Minnesota, USA and work as an electrician. I am just so tired of feeling alone. I was reading a post by oneway and my feelings couldn't have been expressed better if those words were extracted from my own head.
oneways post:
"It’s been frustrating me lately that I’m aware of the things that will help ease my pain, but physically, I still can’t bring myself to do any of it. It’s like being trapped in a glass box. I can see the key—just out of reach—but I’m still stuck, and I’m constantly reminded that this box is locked.
I can’t force myself to smile, or talk to anyone really, outside of work. I’ve isolated myself from my family and the few friends that I have. My interactions at work have become cold and impersonal in the guise of professionalism, as I try to hide my illness. It makes me feel hollow inside, and still, I worry that people can see right through me. At the same time, it feels like work is all I have. I go home, and feel empty again."
"I try to read, but lose focus. I don’t trust people and all my relationships seem to have fallen apart. I can’t find any simple pleasures. I'm way too hard on myself and won't accept credit for any accomplishments. Lately, all of this has filled me with anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety and desperation.
It seems I’ve lost that meaning, that reason to endure the suffering. I’m not sure where to even look for it anymore. These clouds have been lingering for a long time now. I need some sunshine."
Thanks for listening,
Tim