New here and feeling blue

[shatteredhopes]

Have suffered major depressive episodes since teen years and well into adulthood. Many hospitalizations, suicide attempts, tried tons of meds, even electric shock and not yet found anything that really works...also suffer PTSD.

Last 5 years of my life plagued by tragedies and loss and betrayals. Just last month, the man I hoped to spend my life with dumped me and behaved cruelly to me, even flaunting his new love in front of me. Break ups are hard on everyone but especially those who already suffer from mental illness. I know in my head I am better off without him, but not in my heart.

My dreams for my life have not panned out and I am feeling hopeless.

Mercy, I hope this site is FREE/without charge and people are kind and supportive. Can't afford much in way of therapy right now, so hoping for a little peer to peer support. Thanks to anyone who reads and replies to my rambling.

[lisalou]

hiya,welcome to the site,i hope you find it helpful,we certainly try to feel friendly and supportive! it's a real lifeline for me,hope it can be a similar support to you,feel free to write whatever and whenever you need to. i'm sorry to hear things have been so awful for you lately (your ex sounds horrible! i think you're better off without him!) hope we can help make you feel even a little better

love lisa (28,brighton,england)

[Mich]

Hi - welcome to the forum. The people here are great and I think you will find some really warm and loving support. This is a safe place where I feel free to share the ugly demons of my depression and know that I will be met with acceptance and support. I hope you will post again.

[Monty]

Hi,

I have a couple of friends who broke up last week. They said that they will always love each other, but that they realize that they can't be a couple.

Now that is the way you deserved to be treated by your ex. To have someone sink to the depths to flaunt the new person in their life in front of you is inexcuseable.
I read that you know in you head that you are better off without but not in your heart. I hope that soon your heart will come and realize it too. I have this terrible abandonment complex and when someone leaves my life, or I think that they are going to, I can sink pretty far, very fast. You are absolutely right when you say that those of us with mental illnesses are hurt very badly when a relationship goes sour I think that in part, it is because many of us suffer from such low self-esteem. Especially when we think that we are with our supposed life-partner.

I am sorry that the ECT didn't work. It is always disappointing when you think that there is a glimmer of hope in your future and then the pills, or procedure doesn't work.

One thing that can give you hope is that it it free to be here.
Also that when you post an email, you can see by the number of views that it is being read.

Hang in there. I am looking forward to learning more about you. You can lean here, safely

[crystalgaze]

Hi there shattered.... Please do not give up hope... whatever you do

Take care & feel free to post as little or as much as you like. We're here.

~Crystal/Onika

[xn728]

hey there shatteredhopes
walk freely here ,we ask for nothing ,only the same comfort and understanding you seek ,we know your sadness here ,and many other types of sadness to ,but do you know what happened this weekend ,some of us learned to laugh again ,and im still carried by it now ,it isnt all doom and gloom here you know ,you can still laugh and smile ,my deppresion is very bad ,but in this place i am set free and i dont have to hide my feelings and thoughts ,but listen here now ,i think they like me here and that makes me feel great ,im the same as them ,in life outside i have no freinds really not one ,i destroyed them all ,how did i do that easy
they could see something different in me but couldent understand it so slowly they went away ,but in here i have lots of freinds wonderful caring people who care how i am and how i feel ,and there your freinds to ,so come on in ,and dont be scared to talk freely ,welcome home ,freind
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,xn728,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[shatteredhopes]

Thanks to all who responded to my post, it is so helpful to have caring people who know what depression/mental illness is like to support each other. And thanks for confirming no charge...I got this paranoid vision of my e-mail service being charged...I don't always think as clearly when depressed and always imagine worst case scenario. Thanks again, you don't know how much it helped me just to have people who cared enough to respond with some encouragement and understanding.

[xn728]

reach out and we will catch your fall,,,,,,,,pleased you saw how welcome you are ,,,,,,,xn728

[Monty]

Glad that you found out, quickly, that there is no charge to be part of our forum family.

I know how tough it can be with paranoia. I went way too far with it. To the point that at my first hospitalization I was diagnosed as having paranoid schizophrenia.

Over the years the diagnosis has changed but when I get depressed I also start to get to the worst cases scenario thing. My old therapist used to tell me that I catastrophized about everything. When I finally just stopped, took a few deep breaths, that things generally weren't as bad as I first thought.

Glad that you are on-board. Have read a few posts from you and looking forward to reading more.