I need to....

[Starlight-Starbright]

I need to vent. I have so much going on in life and nobody to talk to. so much anger and hatred. I came home the Sunday after Thanksgiving from work and found my father had passed away. I looked into his eyes, and I can't get that image out of my head I moved in with my best friend that night and had lived with them every since. Things were going great until about March when we took our children to the zoo, and my 2 year old wanted to look at the butterflies and they replied okay and walked away. It made me feel as if though my daughter wasn't good enough or what she wanted to do wasn't important because we had to hurry ro get the the exhibit her 3 year old wanted to see. It been up and down since then

I thought my child's father wanted nothing to do with her because he stopped asking questions about her or asking to see pictures of her I thought he didn't care and that killed me but it turns out I'm the horrible person because he loves that child to death, and it kills him that he can't be apart of her life, but due to the circumstances he can't. And that breaks his heart

Then at work all I do is get screamed at all day about every minor inconvenience and down graded about everything, I've been at my job for over 15 years and I can't leave. It's the comfort of knowing what I'm doing. Bad thing is I work with both my BF , and my child's father. I can hardly get either of them to have a full conversation with me amd just feel like the biggest inconvenience to all. Nobody wants me around.

We work in the food industry and this might have been some small but it trigger me like other. We get the kids free meals every noe and then we I get dropped off at work, and this day when I go there , my friend was already standing outside with a meal for her child only. Simply said my child needs one too, and she told me she didn't care about my kid, hers has been asking her for days for one.

I could have just walked into the building and got her the meql for free but telling me that you don't care about My kid set me off.

I try to talk to her and try to apologize for the way I'm acting. But she won't listen, this just makes me anger and sadder because I want to fix the issue but I can't her family are the only people I have in life, the only person I have talked to for the pass few years now I can't even get a full conversation.

I'm supposed to be moving out soon into the house next door hoping it will help the situation just not in the same environment.

There's so many other things that trigger me , and I feel like the bad person and it's all my fault. I just want to know how to fix it.